Funny timing reading your post, I’m at the end of day 28 and today was one of the most anxiety-filled days I’ve had since day 1. No rational reason I should be anxious, I had a very nice and relaxing day off. But, I suppose that’s the whole point of anxiety…99% of it is in our head and not it’s not rational thinking.
Stay strong and congrats on another day in the books 
Seems at the moment people are dropping like flies and starting their sobriety journeys again. I can’t reply to everyone bc from my own experience it opens cracks in my own sobriety and although I don’t want to pick up everyone else drinking or using drugs gives me a tiny bit of justification if I did. The point is I’ve had so many relapses that I now watch how my addict mind works and you all can to, you must learn from it, you must get to know yourself and what you are, look for the little signs in your mind and stay one step ahead of your ego. Yes things are obviously bad to you as individuals and you wanted to escape but remember this day bc none of you escaped anywhere you just ended up back here feeling worse… REMEMBER THIS DAY.
Love and respect to all of you. 
Do you ever feel sorry for yourself for absolutely no reason, I’m grateful, I’m sober and TBH I’ve really got nothing to worry about but after nearly a month of flying high I think I’ve finally come down to reality. I’ve hit the ground but I’ve still hit the ground running, I’m strong I won’t drink or smoke so why am I feeling a bit sorry for myself, I’ve got everything I want and I don’t mean material stuff I mean mentally and emotionally yet something is missing and I’ve not got a fucking clue what it is. Love you all, respect.
You are on a journey of self-discovery. You will find what you are looking for if you choose to continue down sobrieties path. Proud of you Paul. Wishing you much peace and serenity on your journey. 
today I’ve learnt that having a ppv boxing night is a huge trigger as I had a drink and smoke to chill in front of the TV for 5 hours. Slightly annoyed about my days but it is what it is. Day 1.
Just a bit of input here mate. I’ve known you long enough to see a pattern.
Five days ago you posted this.
If we go back I’m sure we’ll see the same thing in past relapses.
Point to learn in, my book, is perhaps pick up the work a little when you find yourself thinking like this.
Be more aware of what this is saying to you.
Crack on then mate
The live boxing is just an excuse.
yeah your not the first person to say that but it definitely had strong associations with my past drinking habits and I didn’t expect it bc I haven’t had any serious drinking thoughts for 30 days, so I understand what you mean by an excuse but on this occasion it was just the excuse this alcoholic wanted to hear. We live and learn I guess.
Precisely mate.
The boxing was the excuse, it could have been anything.
Onwards and upwards bud.
This is all bullshit this waking up every day hoping not to drink, its all to exhausting, I’m doing yet another thing that might or might not work but I know the outcome bc it’s always the same. I will quit it will be hard for a few days then I’ll begin to feel all spiritual and start preaching advice to people like I’ve got 20 years of sobriety behind me. I’ll get productive in some area of my life or have other plans that I never fulfill. Then when I’m finally OK about not drinking I’ll wake up one day in a really good mood feeling all positive about life and how could I possibly be any happier, oh yeah!! I know how, I’ll just have a couple of drinks now I know I can quit when I want.
Turns out I’ve never actually quit alcohol, I’ve had some long and short spells of sobriety but that’s not quitting that’s just delaying the inevitable if I don’t stop.
I stop drinking to be happy but when I’m happy it makes me drink and this is the biggest problem I have that I can never beat. Why get sober if in reality I’m never going to be allowed to be happy.
Thats the point where we make the choice.
Yes, sometimes I have the slightest thought that it would be nice to get wasted, but I’ve made the choice to not drink. So I don’t.
That’s the part you have to get past. The bit where you start telling yourself that it’s going to be ok to drink.
You just turn round and shout no. Because from past experience you know it’s not worth it.
Oh Paul I wish I could help you … your here and your trying I admire you so much for never giving up. I believe in u I know you can do this . We’re all here for you . Your not alone on this journey x
Yeah and I don’t know how, it gets me every single time. This time I woke up all good with another 10 days of sobriety so I treated myself to a day out to the coast having a lovely walk without a care in the world, it made me feel so good I went home and got drunk. Its all fucked up, I can’t even enjoy being sober it’s too scary.
Well it feels like it now bc nothing and no one can keep me sober for long. its all down to me and praying but praying doesn’t always work either so it is just me.
You are in a routine of staying attached to alcohol as your positive outcome… This then derails you back to the beginning of said routine…
What can you actually say has changed for you?
I ask this question because you need to put a new input into your routine to break the cycle towards alcohol… You are fixated at a point where you can’t see past that glass of alcohol… Your mindset is drawing you back to comforts that only YOU can change.
We can all stay in that mindset of rewarding ourselves with the booze but with that you’ve achieved What??
Happiness can come in so many ways, yet you choose to only see your happiness through a glass of alcohol,
Hey I got through the day, I feel so good, that one drink is Fine… Your not even trying to change your thought process… Wait No I don’t need alcohol how about a nice long walk to end my day…
You need to find your anchor that will keep you continuing the route of recovery without the comfort of booze.
My mind tells me I need my poison to get through the day, so I chucked said poison and put in place a glass of water… I’m slowly changing how I view things.
Be kind to yourself…
But this is where I can’t see what the problem is.
Yes, back before I seriously started working on my sobriety by getting this app or going to AA or whatever other positive actions I’ve taken, I used to say to myself that I wouldn’t buy anything the next day, yet still found myself driving into the garage to buy, even if I was telling myself on the actual drive that I would not buy any, I still did.
But since actually actively working to get sober, I’ve found out the reasons why I kept making the same mistakes and changed it around.
I would physically stop myself from turning off to the garage. I made sure I didn’t need to stop anywhere on my commute.
If I did, I had to mentally restrain myself from buying.
A constant battle in my head. Over and over telling myself that I don’t need it.
It was fucking painful at times.
You can do it Paul. I have faith in you.
Paul,my feelings are that you haven’t fully surrendered to the fact you can’t drink like a normal person,I see alot of self sabotage in what you do,you work really hard to get to a balanced place emotionally physically and spiritually and then your like wow this is going so well I know IL go have a drink test the water see if now I can handle it but in your heart you know what will happen .I respect your level of getting back up and trying and trying but there has to come a time where the sabotage,the it’s ok it’s only a 4 pack mentality ends and you become 
ready to go FUCK IT I KNOW I CANT DRINK SO IM GONA THROW ALL THOSE PRESSURES AWAY AND GIVE MYSELF THE BREAK I DESERVE.Yove fought a good fight now throw in the towel and let it go give it up.love and respect you your courage and strength to carry on .
Here here!
Go Paul go!
I just woke up.
Mine is saying isn’t sleeping through the night great?
Congratulations!
Your dreams have missed you!
