I thought I’d like to share a bit of my story and current reason for wanting to get sober as part of my healing process and self-forgiveness. So when I drink there’s a little devil 
on my shoulder telling me that when I finish a drink I need to have more, and another one, and ANOTHER one… Because if I stop, the fun will stop. Once I start, it almost always ends in slight to significant memory loss by the next day. Also always lots of vomiting… 
all day hangovers that I kept going through over and over for my love of being drunk. Before COVID closures, I was at a bar drinking way too much and decided I was “fine” to drive home. (Cue the sickness from extreme guilt and regret) As I was turning onto my street I overshot the turn and ended up driving my car down a steep ditch and hitting an electric pole. 
I crawled out of my car and left it there and stumbled down the street to my apartment where I for some reason got completely naked and crashed on the couch. A couple hours later I woke up to police 
shining flashlights on me through the window… and I was still so drunk that I didn’t answer the door even though they were looking straight at my naked body as I stood up and walked away from them down the hallway to the shower, and took a cold one. 
By the next morning my car had been towed and many court visits ensued afterward. I somehow managed to get out of a DUI due to them not being able to prove causation for the accident… however I was charged with many other terrible things such as fleeing the scene of an accident… and also including being sued by the electric company for damage of property. 
I hold onto an incredible amount of guilt, shame, and what-ifs. I am filled with complete dread when I consider how much more wrong that night could have gone. How I could have hurt myself or others. Unfortunately that wasn’t the first time I had driven under the influence and it wasn’t the last time. (More guilt and shame) I’m not looking for anyone to tell me what happened is okay, because it’s not. I’m truly sickened by myself. My family and friends don’t even have a clue regarding my addiction. I’m good at hiding it I guess. I have a good job, I’m financially stable, intelligent, have a great boyfriend, and loving family… But for some reason I keep making bad choices when it comes to alcohol. I want/need to stop for good before things get worse. I just turned 31, so I’m young and I want to end this and live the rest of my life being the best person I can be. I want to be able to forgive myself… I think telling my story and opening up about the truth of my addiction is one step. Thank you for listening to me. I’m beyond grateful I stumbled upon this group of welcoming and helpful individuals. 
I’m almost 11 days sober today. That may seem like a joke/“easy” to most of my friends or family but to me that’s the longest I’ve gone in over 10 years. It’s been hard but I’m going to keep pushing through.
Thank you for sharing. And congratulations on 11 days! You have so much courage in you, and determination, to take that and put it into words. You’re right - it’s a good first step on your sober journey.
Keep searching, keep looking, keep working your sober life. It is - I’m not kidding - the hardest thing you will ever do. It’s one of the few things that asks you to make true, fundamental changes to yourself.
But it is also so, so rewarding. It is wonderful; when you put in the work your life becomes something truly peaceful and satisfied, in a way you never could have imagined before.
Never give up. You are a good person. You matter, you are worthy & you belong, and you deserve a safe, sober life where you can be your full self. Never, ever give up 
Thanks again love - good for you!
Thank you so much. Honestly. These encouraging words mean more than you know. 
… My life will be wonderful and satisfying and peaceful (as you mentioned), if I can just tackle this demon for good.
I’m glad you’re here Cricket; I’m proud of you too… You are a strong girl! 
“Demon” is a good word 
The “addict brain” definitely sneaks up on us and says, “Oh you deserve this, and it’s time to relax and let go - and there’s always tomorrow to be sober, right?”
Sneaky bastard.
Do you have a support group you can access? There’s lots of different styles to fit all kinds of different people. A lot of people find a group helpful to structure their recovery, and learn some psychological strategies to handle the “addict brain” when it sneaks up on you. It’s also helpful to get a deeper understanding of yourself, to really understand what you’re running from with your addiction.
Hi @Cricket89, what you shared took honesty, guts and strength. This step in itself shows that you are in for the long haul, and that you have no excuses left. I am proud of you and I feel your transparency will help alot of people. One day at a time
Thank you. 
Yes, one day at a time.
I don’t have any in-person support groups. Just you guys right now. But I know it’s something to look into.
Follow your own pace of course, but when you feel like you want to build your strength and challenge yourself a bit, check out your options (and feel free to visit different groups):
Resources for our recovery
Never, ever give up on yourself. You have it in you. You do
Keep pushing through you deserve a better life sober. It’s hard when you first start but after a little bit you get use to it, stay strong and take it one day at a time.
Thank you, @Cricket89, for sharing your story. The timing was just right for me. Please know that the time you spent to share all of that was likely done with the intent to further help your goal for sobriety yet it has had a trickle-down effect. I am struggling hard-core today. So much sadness in my day has me desperately trying to avoid alcohol after 50 days. Your story is such a strong reminder of how much drinking would do nothing to help and has the potential for horrible consequences. Your story saved me. For that, I thank you. I haven’t had a car accident but that is just out of dumb luck. I relate to your story, pain, shame, and desperation. May you continue to find the strength to stay on your path. Largely because of your story, I will go to bed sober tonight and wake up with hope. Hugs and best wishes to you.
That really touches me. You are right, alcohol seems like a quick fix to forget and escape but there are no good consequences. Not for your mind, nor your body or spirit. I am so glad my story can help you and vice versa. Sharing this love is raising my consciousness and positive energy. I hope the rest of your evening and tomorrow and tomorrow’s tomorrow are much better than today.
I’m also in Wisconsin… 
Thank you, thank you!
Glad you were ok and no one was hurt.
I’m only on day 18 but already feel much better, thinking clearer and the desire to have a drink has vanished. Sober really is much better than drunk plus I’ve saved a bunch of $$$
Thinking of you @Roundkick. You are a stable person, you have put down sober roots, you’re seeing growth & personal progress. You’ve been through so much and you are still just getting started.
This moment is the time when you look deep inside you and keep walking, one step at a time. Your mind is spinning right now and that addict brain is playing tricks on you, pulling you into a whirlwind. You don’t have to go there love. She doesn’t have power over you.
Stay steady. Go for a walk, really backtrack, think back to where those thoughts are coming from, when they started today or yesterday and what you were doing & feeling - and I guarantee you’ll find why that addict brain is acting up. You don’t have to give in. You are wiser now and she doesn’t control you any more. 
Thank you, Matt. I needed to hear that. 
I keep re-reading your post, Matt. It is helping me.
I’m glad Take care. I know the feeling of your mind running around. Find something to let you process that safely. You can get through this. You can.