Hi @emi01, welcome to Talking Sober! 
I love the cats in your profile pic. There’s an active thread here for cat lovers, you should check it out:
It sounds like you have a problem, and you know it. That’s a good place to start! Seriously. All of us have been to exactly where you are right now emotionally, and many have been in your shoes financially too. It is scary.
It is possible to get clean and fix this. The solution starts with getting sober, because using (whatever addiction it is, alcohol or anything else) always makes things worse (it never makes things better).
You will need some help to get clean. There is lots of knowledge here on Talking Sober - read around and you will find lots; there’s also lots of good books and podcasts (Resources for our recovery - and there are also groups you can join, like SMART Recovery, AA, or others (there’s a list here: Resources for our recovery). Membership in those groups is free and you will be able to learn from people who have worked their way to sobriety.
Don’t give up. It is possible.
Stay active here on Talking Sober. Check out the Checking In thread, and catch up on what everyone else is going through:
You can do it.