I am a 33 year old married woman and a mother of 5. I have struggled off and on with a couple addictions. But none have I ever allowed to go too far. I always fought my way out of it on my own and for that, I am very proud of. What I am not proud of, about 6 months after the birth of my twins, I started again. A couple glasses of wine to help me relax and sleep at night when all the children were in bed. And every day since then it has escalated, then I would taper back, and go right back up. It has been 3 years now that I have been struggling with this incessant addiction. No matter how I tried to fight the urge, the darkness always drew me back in.
Recently, I had an argument with my mother, which via text, I said some very hurtful things. My husband has been begging me to gain control. But he has stopped since it makes me angry. It is just a crutch I have held onto to cope with my unfulfilled life. And although I know it is me who needs to find good to fill it with. It’s still a challenge. I have explained to others it almost feels like kissing a toxic boyfriend good bye. Codependent and heart wrenching. Maybe that’s sounds crazy.
Anyways… Here I am… Accepting my sobriety journey. I made the decision finally… I just need to grow the strength to hold onto it.
Hi
Welcome to the community.
When we give up our addictions it can and does feel like grieving a loss for some of us.
You can get that control back, sometimes when its us with the addiction we cant see how bad it is until we get out of it.
Break that viscous cycle you can do this !
It is exactly like that. Addiction is that voice whispering “c’mon, things’ll be fine this time, just one, let’s go”, and it’s lying. It’s deceiving you.
This is the point where you open your eyes and get free. Kick that asshole to the curb.
It sounds like you are looking to learn more about getting sober and really recovering your life. That’s awesome Do you have anything specific you’re looking for? Like podcasts to listen to? Groups? etc
Do you know. What I really need is to switch up my nightly routine. That routine is what triggers my mind to drink. Oddly enough, I do have a lot of support, but in a way where they truly don’t understand addiction. So I end up feeling pushed into it or neglected in other ways.
I thought I was strong enough to trudge through it myself. But after months and countless times of saying im going to do this, and then I fall for that voice in my head. It’s clear I cannot. And my loved ones cannot really help me either.
So yes, I believe a group or community who understands and supports helps. Lately I have been listening to a lot of meditation and yoga nidra. Trying to rid of the self esteem damage this has caused. And I’ve been drinking an astronomical amounts of hot tea . I’m thinking the herbs will catch up with me at some point. But better than the alternative.
There are general groups and also groups focused on specific types of people (women, minorities, etc), so search around and you’ll find your space. Don’t be afraid to “group-hop” if you want, from one group to another. It’s a bit like a buffet
you can do this !
Do you have anything specific you’re looking for? Like podcasts to listen to? Groups? etc
. I’m thinking the herbs will catch up with me at some point. 
But better than the alternative.
