So, im natalie. Im 7 months sober and am struggling with life.
Booze was my coping mechanism.
I am married with 3 teenage kids and 4 dogs, i also run my own business which i have expanded in the last 18 months.
Ive been a reasonably heavy drinker since i was 14 and am strugging to figure out who i am without it and how to deal with shit. Ive never cried so much in my whole life as since i stopped drinking.
Im a natural introvert and alcohol was my way of cutting loose and chilling out. Now without it i feel as tho im gonna combust!
I will not give up my sobriety but i was hoping being would sober would make me happier, not more miserable.
My family and friends dont understand as i never had a serious drinking problem so they just dont get it. Ive never spoken to anybody about it and never posted online in my life!
I dont know what im expecting but just hope somebody has been thru it and feels the same. I wasnt expecting an overnight fix but just dodnt expect to be so miserable
Hi Natalie! I had a similar experience. About five months in to sobriety my mental health took a big dip. I think drinking from a young age means we don’t really learn how to deal with our emotions. It is something that we have to learn and that is hard. It definitely isn’t just you!
For me at least I don’t think being sober makes me miserable. It does make me more aware of my emotions though.
It sounds like you have a busy life with the family and the business. Don’t forget that it is OK to have help and take up any offers you get!
As for the who am I question… That is a big one. But also not. You are you! It can be that simple.
Finding new and healthy ways to manage life without alcohol is a journey. Please be kind to yourself as you navigate it.
There is so much information and support here, read as much as you can and keep checking in whenever you need to
there’s a video link around here where some scientists explain how alcohol is kind of a shortcut for introvert people to comfy socializing. I also remember threads on the topic. you can use the search bar looking up keywords like introvert, socialize etc.
Welcome Natalie!! 7 months is super great work, a lot to be proud of and whoosh, you have a lot of responsibility there with the kids and job.
Your post definitely resonates with me. 7 months or so was when I was getting agitated again…what now feelings. For me, I had to seriously lean into a few things…
finding new ways to truly work thru my stress and learn to let it go (journaling, physical activity, meditation, yoga). Some folks really take to talk therapy or a program where they can share with others. I prefer physical activity…running, biking, fitness classes. Punching bag and yelling are also pretty awesome. Weight lifting and grunting…yes!
learning to be okay with not always feeling okay. Stress and anxiety and feeling off are natural functions of our body and mind. It is okay to feel jumpy sometimes, but yeah, not great if you are stuck there.
just as physical activity can help move stress out of our body…so can other techniques help us make peace with life as it is…meditation, mindfulness and yoga are all tools for slowing down that messy mind of ours. Even just a few minutes a day to ourselves can make a difference.
back to the talk therapy and delving into the why we were drinking, escaping, numbing ourselves. And working toward finding healthier and long term ways of coping with all that life brings us.
the realization for those of us who started using and drinking at a young age that we really do not have any idea of how to feel, how to regulate emotions and self. That was a big aha to me. I had always used alcohol…to celebrate, drown my sorrows, ‘relax’, let steam off, etc. I didn’t know how to ‘be’ without the substance…wow, that was a lot for me.
All that said…sobriety is challenging at times…but always way better in my experience to the zoned out life hurting our mind body and soul and loved ones over and over and over that is drinking.
It can and does get better as we begin to work on our recovery…finding new ways of being, figuring out why we lived like that, learning to feel, etc. And as we grow in sobriety, we can begin to answer a little of the Who Am I question.
Glad you are here and reaching out. Sometimes writing it out helps lift some of that pressure. I hope it did for you!
You are not alone in those feelings! Its kinda scary experiencing the world and day to day emotions sober. And i can TOTALLY relate to feeling kinda lost and not knowing who you are without alcohol.
I found a sober community to be very theraputic for me. I found that here, on this forum, and in the rooms of alcoholics anonymous. I thought i was alone in feeling like i never fit in and its amazing i feel like i found my people in these spaces. Practice patience and self compassion with yourself as you are in a period of change. You do not need to know who you are right now. Take it as an exploratory journey.
Thankyou so so much for your replies. It really does help to read about others who understand. Its taken so much for me to actually post that its actually really overwhelming to get a response so quick . Thankyou
Welcome Natalie and congratulations on 7 months of sobriety.
I know all our stories are different with the same goal in mind. But our struggles with our feelings every day are similar.
I find gratitude to be my strongest tool in my tool box.
I come here
every morning to start my day. I got too much to be grateful for everyday when I write it out. Great bunch of people on this thread if you’re interested in checking it out. Almost 3 years later and I still got tears. But I am getting better and better every day.
This is a great sober community. I hope you can find what your looking for.
Warm welcome Natalie…so it took from you being age 14 to 7 months ago for you to develop and perfect your coping mechanism for life aka alcohol so as much as 7 months sober is fantastic learning new and better coping mechanisms is going to take time, a very wise lady told me a while ago that our brains physically map out neurological pathways for ways to cope with life and this is why in times of stress we keep going back to the same ways of coping but im told the good news is that our brains can actually create new pathways and better ways of coping, positive psychology being one of those ways…there are free positive psychology courses online that im looking into at the moment its things like gratitude, wellbeing, hobbies the list is endless, this might be somethjng you could look into too
I’m so sorry. You need community. Lots of introverts join because it’s miserable to do it alone. I do AA and The Luckiest Club. So glad you posted. Good peeps here.
