“Functional alcoholic” is on my mind. There’s a few, threads, out, there, about this. I guess I was one, and never liked the phrase.
Cuz let’s be honest: “functioning” isn’t a very high bar, is it?
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For me it was a slippery slope at best, minimizing a problem getting worse. In my drinking, I could crawl out of my hole daily to go through the motions, scrape together what @Eke needed, then scurry away again. This was at a high (enough) level working in a challenging career I once loved.
I got into it because it was interesting. A neat way to contribute that, done right, might even help support a family. With time and booze life became about less and less, me trying to prove something. Living on fear, insecurity and adrenaline between drunks. Trapped in an endless Groundhog Day cycling between the office and the bottle. No jail, and miraculously no one physically hurt.
I was silently desperate, miserable and not doing anyone any good. Hearing the stories of others got me reflecting honestly on where my story was going and it… was no where good.
Thankfully others also reminded me life was bigger. There were other ways. I could stand up, dust myself off, roll up my sleeves and break the cycle. Once it was about more than me and getting by (which, yeah, some days is still challenge enough…) I found new appreciation for the day to day.
Having a laugh. Saying “yes, and…” Finding pleasure in the little things. Setting things right and wanting to give back. Remembering the why.
Functioning is a good start, but we can do better. I did not get sober to be miserable. I can know peace and thrive.
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I love this. Thank you.
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This just makes me laugh lol, not at you but the concept of functioning addict.
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No, I hear ya, ha. The longer I’m sober the more I see ways I thought I was doing a great job when I really, really wasn’t. I’m still turning up fences that need mending. 
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I think I’ll be okay mentally finally when I get to my 9th step but the list will be long and extensive 
. Bc of my delusional thought I could be a functioning addict.
Absolutely love this post, Eke…
Cuz let’s be honest: “functioning” isn’t a very high bar, is it?
Getting sober, I was finally able to look in the rear view mirror and see just exactly how dysfunctional I really was, when all along I thought I was functional. Nope. Never again will I lie to myself like that. A big lie that went on for 30 years.
Can’t help but think of a car analogy. Once I had a 30 year old pick-up truck that ran like shit, had to be serviced frequently, got like 8 miles a gallon, and broke down many times. I used to say “welp, it gets me from Point A to Point B.” I guess it was functional in that regard. My next car was a shiny brand new Honda Civic SI. Now THAT was functional.
And this is perfectly stated - me to a T.
I could crawl out of my hole daily to go through the motions, scrape together what @Eke needed, then scurry away again.
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Omg, the car analogy, yes! Reminds me of my eyeglasses.
At some point in my last long drunk I convinced myself no optometrist could give me a better prescription. Once I got sober I pondered how I couldn’t read from the back of the room anymore.
This weird light went off, “You can afford to go get new glasses, you stubborn asshole. Just do it.”
Lo and behold, the world became so much clearer! I’d been partly blinded for years for no good dang reason. 
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I’ve never heard anyone describe themselves as a “thriving alcoholic”, or even “unaffected alcoholic”.
The fact that you even have to specify that you were functional means a lot. As if “functional” were a mitigating factor or something. Obviously things are not all that groovy to begin with, if you think “functional” makes it sound better. I don’t want to buy a car that a salesperson describes as “functional”.
Sometimes I hear people use the term to talk about how thankful they were it didn’t get worse, and I don’t mind that as much. But often, I get the sense that they are in denial about how much hold alcohol has had over their life, and how much it has affected them. It can be frustrating to me because the denial will only get in the way of their recovery, but I realize that’s their journey to walk, not mine.
I didn’t at the beginning, but nowadays, I know that the important distinction was not when alcohol made my life dysfunctional, it’s when it began impacting my life at all.
You’re meant to be so much more than functional, people!
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Reading this I realize how much work I have to do. I’ve been a ‘functioning’ addict since age 14 and I’m 53 now. Never been without a job for longer than a couple of months, never been arrested, never been homeless, but also never had a steady relationship. Never had a real life.
This is the first time I’m really clean in 40 years. Addiction has had me in its grip for 40 years of my 53 lived. I feel great now but I also feel naked, I feel alone, I feel like the child I am in a lot of senses. First time I realize how scared I actually am. And I’m hopeful at the same time.
I do have my work cut out for me. I’m totally unsure what way to go right now. And at the same time I am on my own road and I know that and I am happy about that and I am actually going forward. Thanks for this post Eke. It helps me.
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I hear ya. I feel much the same. Potential has a powerful duality of feelings:
“I can climb mountains now! A whole world is within reach!”
“Wait… now I gotta climb a mountain?” 
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Exactly that James!
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Yeah, I’m with you. I try not to get too psyched out and remember first things first, just take care of today. Todays add up.
Positive changes don’t always come as quick as I like, but they do keep coming every day sober.
It’s at least nice to feel like I’m finally working toward things instead of just away. 
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I accomplished some cool things as an active alcoholic, I’m looking forward to seeing how much more I can accomplish as an alcoholic in recovery 
I “functioned” for 12 years but rock bottom hit fast and hard all the same. My intelligence can act against my spirituality if I’m not diligent with my program!
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my father was a ‘functioning alcoholic’ who ran a business, had a great family, took lots of family vacations. but all that good stuff was forgotten when i saw him detox – i accidentally walked into his hospital room after i told the nurse to get the F out of my way, i want to know whats going on with my dad and why is he moaning and yelling for me to help him?! it was one of the most painful experiences of my life catching him in that state.
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Oh, @claire-lo, I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what that moment must be like.
My own father nearly lost his life to drinking, though he was largely out of my life at that point. I remember the day I wrote him off, in grief and tears.
For us, that’s since turned around. He got right long before I ever did which was a real thing to see. It also didn’t have to go as far for me and I pray it never does. 
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thanks @Eke 
my father passed away before i ever saw him sober up, unfortunately. i have a lot of happy memories to remember him by though
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I love this. I just hit ten days sober after close to ten years of (pretty much) daily drinking. My drinking would fluctuate from what I thought was pretty light to what I knew was too much but I’d rarely sense that I was negatively impacting my life in a serious way. In the last week I’ve found out how wrong I was. I keep noticing so many small and not so small things I’m doing better and other people are starting to notice as well. I feel good about the direction I’m heading in and I’m really thankful to have found this forum 
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Been thinking about this a lot again lately.
Even sober I can slip into just “functioning.” Seeking what it takes to keep thriving.
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You’re right… “functioning” is not a high bar when you think about it. It’s scraping along with a facade and no quality of life. Still contributing to the economy so I guess that’s good for someone somewhere