Totally forgot to post in here that I’m still doing the ED thing. 139.63
Miracles happen!
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That’s really scary shit.
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That means you’ve gained 17 pounds in muscle? My goodness congratulations.
I think that 139.63 must be your days not your weight. Congratulations
That’s awesome my favorite thing about being sober is to wake up everyday with my family in my home happy safe n free from addiction n dangerous people I thank god everyday I’m not in that life anymore!
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Hahahahhaha
I love you.
Congrats on your 139.63 days ED free my beautiful friend you are such an inspiration.
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I love you more. It’s 16.11 in your language here today 
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I know you are!
I can’t believe Bitmoji went there 
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So, life has been hectic to say the least. I’m still sober and ED free, and I’m sofa king grateful for that.
The parental alienation has hit a whole new level. It’s now affecting my 25 year old and apparently my 2nd husband. I’ll get to that later.
I finally got to see my youngest last weekend. It was the first time since late spring/early summer. This whole thing started when I changed my last name back to match my daughters’ last name. My ex-husband’s new wife flipped the fuck out and went balls to the wall trying to hurt me in any way that she can. Some of f it has been excruciatingly painful, and my ex is basically a puppet and follows suit.
Anyway, when I saw her last weekend, she said “mom, I have so much to tell you”. I won’t rattle off everything because this would be even longer than it already is, but it’s a lot of horrific things. She was suspended from school for 5 days for having vape pens, one with THC in it, and has been in ISS multiple times. Her dad absolutely lost his ever loving mind, has been drug testing her, tried to strip search her which turned into a really bad situation. She was devastated. Said she was going to kill herself, went up to her room and was ignored the rest of the night.
The next day, the school, not her dad or stepmom, the school! Noticed deep cuts on her arms. Her father was called and told that if he didn’t bring her to a hospital for a psychiatric evaluation that DSS would be called. Thank the freaking heavens! Because now she’s in mandated school therapy and outside of school therapy. He would never give me consent. Yet clearly he does whatever the fuck he wants. Here’s the kicker, I have full custody.
My daughter is hurting, she had her phone taken and wasn’t allowed to talk to me. When she was in the hospital he refused to even look at her let alone talk to her. She wanted me there so badly, but didn’t even have her phone to call me.
I’ve been talking to everyone I can at her school and I will be there on Monday to meet with her guidance counselor and principal. I made them aware of the situation, and that I will always need to be contacted if anything happens.
My daughter wanted to come and have thanksgiving with me, but she’s dropped off again. No contact. The last we spoke she said she hadn’t asked her dad if she can come with me yet. She’s terrified to disappoint him. Loving me is a disappointment. It’s hard to explain, but reading up on parental alienation explains it in a way that helps me handle this the right way. At this point, I need to save my daughter. Her dad was an amazing man at one point. I loved him more than anything in the world. That guy is still in Afghanistan. I don’t know what the fuck came back, but I don’t know this guy.
Husband number two is very attached to my youngest and vice versa. He’s unhinged as we all know. He’s taking this very badly. He actually cried, and he doesn’t do that. He’s a bull in a china shop and I am more strategy driven to maximize results. He just wants to go and murder my ex 
He will too if anything happens to her. So I don’t need to baby his ass while I try to figure this shit out. It’s his fucking fault anyway for forcing us to move so we didn’t live in the same house I did with husband #1. We ended up in a shitty school district which eventually asking my daughter if she wanted to try school by Daddy. She lives over an hour away from me now.
Last night, ex #2 calls me, ON HIS WAY TO HIS GIRLFRIEND’S HOUSE. I guess they were at a bar and he was following her back to her place. I knew that as soon as he got a girlfriend he was going to start freaking out about our divorce, and what happened??? He’s freaking out about our divorce. Now he’s sobbing, saying she’s a great person, but that I’m HIS person. He asked why are we divorced, I had to remind him that I gave him multiple chances to just stay separated, but he wanted to go through with it. Then his psychopathic tendencies kicked in. He’s unable to feel empathy. He’s angry that I’m better and didn’t get better when I was with him. I reminded him that I was sober when I left and he still isn’t better. I was always there for him, he always left me when things got hard. He’s feeling sorry for himself with no regard for what he put me through.
I reminded him that he put me through some horrific things. I have fucking dementia from all of my TBIs. I have painful permanent back damage. He proved to me last night that he’s the same monster he always has been. He was yelling and crying that I didn’t give a shit about my daughter because I’m not going all Rambo on it.
I know how to deal with him when he’s like this, so I was very calm and soothing. The last thing I wanted was for this to escalate and his new girlfriend get her fucking ass kicked or killed. Because, when that switch flips, it flips. There is no turning back, whoever and whatever gets in his way is in trouble.
I went to bed crying last night. He ruined my night. He’s too fragile for me to say, hey… guy…. You fucking RUINED MY LIFE! Every single part of my life, but he’s too wrapped up in feeling sorry for himself to even give a shit about that, let alone even consider it to be the reality of the situation. I lost everything, everything. At 47 years old, I had to start completely over. Bankrupt and with a new business that couldn’t afford to pay me yet. My emotions are all over the place. It’s mostly anger for calling me crying and yelling that I was his person, how can he ever be happy again, how this thing with the new girl feels all wrong, then abruptly ends the conversation when he gets to her house leaving me she’ll shocked and confused.
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Oh dang girl. What a shit ex show. I’m so sorry your daughter has had it so tough, as well as you.
If you don’t mind me asking, but why is your 2md ex still in contact with you? You don’t have kids together, right? So why the F does he still keep calling you? Forgive me for being simple, eh.
Well done for staying sober and ed free!!!
Aww Beth. You are going through so much right now. I’m glad you got your daughter back, although briefly. I hope she is okay. But she is getting therapy now so that is one positive. 
Your 2nd ex sounds like a major energy drainer. Was he fucked up? I mean he obviously is kicking himself for losing a gem like you… You are a saint for treading so lightly with him. Or even talking to him.
Protect your energy, you already have so much going on. Sounds like he isn’t much help right now. I hate that he made you cry and ruined your night!!! Hasn’t he already done that enough? Protect yourself from him. Nobody can fix him. Love you sooo much.
I love you so much too! He called right after I posted, and he was indeed drunk last night. I let him fucking have it now that he was sober. I didn’t realize that he was drunk at first. I still tread lightly regardless because of his temper.
I basically told him that he can’t just do that to me. We split almost 3 years ago now, and this is the first I’m hearing of it. I was pretty forceful at the beginning of the conversation because I grew angrier as time passed. He’s so frustrating to deal with, he said I was oblivious to how much he loved me. I said because I don’t have a crystal ball so I went by your actual fuckimg words and actions. I told him that it was all about his loss and his pain with no regard to my feelings. He said he didn’t fight for me to save me because he broke my back and gave me brain damage. However, he sees it as pain to him that he’s disgusted about. He can’t come on over to my side to understand what it feels like to be savagely beaten by a damn hockey player.
I said I get it and I understand who you are and how your mind works, but you can still train yourself to pretend you have empathy. The problem is, he feels so strong about theses things, that unless he gets help, he’s never going to improve. He can’t get fixed per se, but he can learn behaviors that are socially acceptable.
I don’t know. We talked for like an hour and a half and he apologized for putting all of that on me. He backed down and said I have every right to be angry. Shocker. He said he bought the motorcycle because he wanted to die. Which he almost did and ended up in a wheelchair for months. Whatever. This week has been shit and I’m emotionally exhausted.
@Olivia oh girl, that’s a really good question. I’ve gone very long spurts not talking to him at all. Then he has a breakdown or crisis and calls. I’ll never turn my back on him, and I can’t explain why. He technically cannot help what he is, but I’m in a place now where he can’t hurt me like he used to. I just feel so fucking sorry for him and his family. His aunt works for me and I’m super close with his mom, so it’s a strange dynamic. We will always be family, Matt included. He’s right with my younger daughter, but my 25 year old hates his guts. It’s always been so tense.
He’s extremely fucked up with what’s going on with Ava. I have him in a place now where he trusts what I’m doing. He’s obviously a reactor, so I do have to manage that or we’ll have a certain ex husband #1 on milk cartons 
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It’s my younger daughter’s 16th birthday today. We celebrated last weekend when I got just a precious and short overnight visit with her. It was amazing though and we talked a lot.
I bought an electric scooter to get to meetings faster and especially if I have to go to Southend which is technically walking distance but takes too long. The parking is non existent there, so yay scooter. It has given me so much freedom.
Anyway, I took her outside last weekend and watched her scoot around the park for a long while. She had an absolute blast. I wish I could stay in that moment forever.
I can’t believe my child is hurting badly enough to want to end her own life. I can’t believe that was withheld from me. He’s such garbage shit. Does he not care about her? Is he too stupid to understand that he’s hurting HER by alienating me?
Sigh, I can’t wait to see her again and squeeze her tight. She gave me the tightest hug she ever has last weekend. I was stunned and overwhelmed with love. I didn’t know anything yet. I understand now.
She wanted to come here for thanksgiving, but has not asked her father yet. I’m not bringing it up again because I don’t want to put pressure on her. She’s afraid to ask and I’m not going to make her feel bad or guilty.
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This. Makes my heart smile and leap 
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You’re such a cool mom! I’ve never been on a scooter but it sounds like a lot of fun.
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Super fun. It was scary at first, but I got the hang of it pretty quickly. Definitely a great bonding tool with the kiddo. Plus, it paid for itself already with what I pay for the Byrd or Lime scooters. Those are the app scooters by me. They add up.
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I can’t believe I haven’t seen your thread beforeeeeee?! Or I did and forgot. Woman you are amazing and I love you.
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Happy Birthday to your baby. Wishes, thoughts, prayers, that she will be surrounded in care, love, peace and harmony. That she will be free from fear and anxiety. That she will learn to love herself as others love her. Sending these wishes her way that they will envelop her and she will feel their strength and security as she begins to feel her own.
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