I don’t feel that strength honestly. Thank you for replying. Just thank you.
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The anxiety you’re feeling is intense, understandably. DRINKING WILL NOT HELP. All you can do right now is be sober, that is the answer. It won’t feel comfortable but it will help you organize your situation at least in your mind right now. This is why you came to this app. Stay present. Listen mama I feel you on this 100%; be here now.
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I’ve always used vodka as a “medication” for anxiety, and the effects are temporary. There’s a 100% chance the problem will still be there tomorrow.
Take heart; you absolutely did the right thing reaching out here first. I was in the exact same position just 2 days ago.
Keep up the good work! 
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Here’s a trick to help you calm yourself. I use this too.
Name 5 things you see. Look around you and name them.
Name 4 things you hear. (Air conditioning, people talking, etc etc)
Name 3 things you feel (clothing on skin, soles of your shoes)
Name 2 things you smell
Name 1 thing you taste
Repeat as needed. It will ground you and calm you. You have peace and stability in your body, all the time, 24/7
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I know you don’t feel it. It’s ok. You don’t feel it all the time; but I want you to know you haven’t lost it. You’re shaken up right now but you will find your balance again.
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Dude I literally feel like a piece of shit. I’m shit. Why would I go on??
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You go on because A) you are not a piece of shit, and B) you will not always feel this way. You are feeling terrible right now but it is temporary and it will pass.
I will prove you are a wonderful person. It’s obvious but I know sometimes we forget that. Just gimme a minute here
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Thank you. I feel less shitty
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We never feel the strength… I sure didn’t. Not until my then 5 year old dragged it out of me. She simply said “mommy the teacher asked what I wanted to be when I grow up. I said a mommy. I’m gonna be just like you” that was it. Nope. The hell you will… In that moment I realized I had to be someone I was okay with my daughters being…
For me I know as a human I am weak. But as a mother I can dig down and find strength that I didn’t know existed. You can too. Whatever you need to draw from. Whatever gives you the strength to keep going. Find it and cling to it.
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Don’t get fucked up…its hard be we have to find a way to face our anxiety and step into our discomfort. There is NOTHING that drinking is going to make better. You have strength within you!
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Proof number 1 and the one that has always stood out to me since you joined this Talking Sober community 2 years ago:
You are a devoted and loving mother. I know a lot of mothers and there’s a million ways to be a mom but I see in you - you are like beaming with love for your kids. Like this:
Proof number 2:
You keep trying.
You’re like someone climbing a mountain and you have stumbled sometimes but you Do. Not. Give. Up.
The fact you keep coming back here means in your heart you know what you need to do. You know that getting healthy (sober and clean) is what will make everything else possible for you. If you’re sober and clean, you can do everything that matters to you: motherhood, family, relationships. You can do it.
I know you’ve tripped up. Something needs to change, yes. Maybe you join a group and go. Maybe you join a virtual one if you can’t get there physically. Online meeting resources or Resources for our recovery
You know this matters to you. What do you do when something matters to you? You go for it. You go for it and you do whatever you can to make it happen and that also means you keep trying and trying even if it’s not perfect and -
You make it. Anyone who’s that determined, makes it.
You are one determined mother @Gonzolady. You will do it.
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@Gonzolady - this “I am a piece of shit” line - where did you learn this? Like where did this pattern of being so black and white and judging yourself come from? ‘I’m either perfect or I’m shit’
You said almost the exact same thing in one of your threads before:
What makes you say that? Where did you pick up the habit of thinking of yourself that way?
I ask because A) obviously life isn’t black and white and to live through our days we have got to be gentle with ourselves, understanding (life is life, I don’t have to be the perfect mom or the perfect child etc etc); and B) asking yourself, why do I feel I have to be perfect? - that question will probably help you understand something about what you really need.
We all have needs, emotional and personal needs, and sometimes these come out in our expectations, the things we say we have to have or have to be. When we dig a little bit into that, when we ask questions like “Why do I say that?” we can find out about the roots under the words - and by doing that we can find ways to get what we really need.
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I know what you’re going through, I swore on everything I’d stop drinking to save my family, and I fucked up and did it again. Do everything you can to commit to sobriety and prove you can do it!!! You can do it!!!
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Listen admitting is the hardest part…Putting the work in may seem harder but just use ur tools. And remember we need God 1st in everything we do. Don’t be so hard on urself. U got this. This app is such a huge support system if u don’t have one. It’s help me. I love everyone here. Your in my prayers.
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Hey 
it’s hard… I know how hard it is. Intense emotion is a huge trigger for me too. But u have to play that tape to the end. Remember where this will lead u. Drinking or drugging solves nothing. It doesn’t cure anything, or fix anything, or change any shitty situation to something positive. If u do drink, things WILL get worse. Ur situation sounds tough now… how do think drinking now will come across to ur kids or to ur partner (I am guessing that is who u are talking about?.. sorry if I’m wrong). But seriously just stop and pause. Slow down. Take some deep breaths. And relax. U CAN do this. U are stronger than u think. Hugs!
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Hi how are things today?
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Have you tried an AA meeting? They can be really helpful in the beginning, even if you dont make it part of your routine. Also try doing anything else but drinking. It will,make things worse.
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@Gonzolady please, please don’t give up. Relapses happened and we can learn and re focus. You are not alone with this
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Hey @Gonzolady thinking of you & hoping you’re safe. Chime in when you get a minute. No one is perfect - no one! - but everyone has a right to be present, including you.
Take care sister. One day at a time & remember: you’re a good person who deserves to care for herself and be present for herself, and to reach out and connect with other people who care for her. You can do it 
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