Hi! So I am going on 100 plus days without a drink!! I’m very proud of myself but I feel like it’s damaging marriage. My husband is still drinking, I even think he’s drinking even more then when we were drinking together. He’s going out after work and getting smashed, then comes home and talks really nasty to me. He says his biggest mistake is meeting me… This stirs up so much emotion and twice now I have thought it would be so easy just to have a drink and say fuxk it. I can’t do that I have a 9 yr old daughter and my body can’t take it. I literally will die if I start drinking again. I can’t just leave, I don’t have a full time job and we own one car he’s pretty controlling with my schedule. I’m just lost at what to do…
Has any of you dealt with staying with someone that still drinks?
That’s awesome Nikki, congrats on the 100 days! Would love to hear more about how it’s been for you and what you were up to over the summer
Sorry to hear about your husband. It’s shitty when people in our family get drunk and behave shitty to us.
I don’t have a huge amount of advice about this specifically, though I will say I think you’re doing the right thing reaching out, and you should keep it up; everything I’ve ever learned in my life and every change I’ve ever made has been because I reached out and then did something.
Eric @Dazercat has a great thread about living with a spouse who is still drinking:
Also there is Al-Anon, which is all about living with a family member who is an alcoholic (they have in person meetings and electronic/online/phone meetings; select “Meetings” in the menu and you’ll see it):
You can do this. Keep asking, keep learning, and you’ll get it.
100 days, congrats! I look forward to that in a few weeks myself.
My wife and I never took it seriously enough to quit until it seemed to be threatening our marriage. Married 15 years in June, we were drinking every night. We agreed we owed it to each other to be the best versions of ourselves, for each other, or it wasn’t worth going on being married. That shift, or moment of clarity, was all we needed. We started being there for each other in those first couple very fragile weeks of going dry.
I had to get there though, and my wife stuck by me through some hard times, as she calls them, when I basically ignored her needs. I had to realize what a shit head I was being, and my children were a witness to it all. I had to want to fix it.
This question gets asked a lot and I asked it myself!! So yes, my spouse still drinks.
Recently someone else was asking about this…
My answer includes a link to other topics about spouses who drink and how we deal with that and find long term sobriety. It isn’t easy and we all need to do what works for our own particular situation.
You can also do a search on spouses who drink…might give you some suggestions or help you feel less alone.
Then hit the “Reply” button there (blue button), and you will be posting your reply to the thread. You can say “Checking in at 100+ days…” then add whatever else you want to share with your checkin.
