ah that’s good news so there’s a whole WORLD of a resource untapped and at your disposal.
man, so many of us have been where you were when you sent out that post. I wanted to be dead for years. 
or just not experience the despair I was in then.
things CAN CHANGE. you CAN CHANGE. let this bunch of recovering fuckups w a new zest for life be proof of that to you! get some hope from that, just enough to make it to a meeting. and start changing. it’s time my friend.
start by participating on here regularly. there are many active threads and checking in on your own thread here will provide community and contact - addiction and depression thrive in isolation.
then get some other resources going, NA or AA should be top of the list but if you find anther combination of things more helpful and working for you, all the power to you. I have been in psychotherapy for over 4 years and never did AA, so there is not that one way.
Resources for our recovery
there are however experiential milestones and insights that oldtimers tend to gain and have in common, so you can learn from them: Your #1 tip for sobriety (over 2 years sober).
much love and all the best!