After 30 days I relapsed. I have lost my reality. I think i need professional care. It was terrifiying. I was challenging with sth unreal like aliens. I saw some unreal things. I resist. I tried to take help of weed. It does not work. All I think was a drink. A beer. Please dont hate me
39 Likes
Hey @Tinkerbell - no one hates you. Many ppl on here have been where you are and the rest of us can imagine.
I’m sorry it’s been hard.
Assess: what made you pick up?
Make a plan: what resources have you not yet used to their full potential that will aid you in your recovery?
Resources for our recovery
Get to work. It can be done. But only by you. You can do this.
25 Likes
sweetheart nobody hates you , maybe a wee visit to your doctor might help
As for relapsing sometimes our minds are still in drink mode and we have no defence, stopping is easy staying stopped is hard ,have to train that mind so when the urge comes along you have a escape exit. and maybe try a meeting they will help they helped me wish you well
31 Likes
It’s great your here 
I’m glad your still here trying 
13 Likes
There is no need to apologize for the disease of addiction. It doesnt make you a bad person because you suffer from it and it certainly doesnt define the person you are. Recovery comes when we realize that its not about the substance but why we are seeking escape. Recovery is a journey of self discovery and undertanding that any substance or behaviour that gets us away from ourselves is harmful. The questions is why the hurt, why the need to eacape. I pray that you have suffered enough to want to begin that journey of self discovery, that you understand that no substance or behaviour that gets us away from self will ever be a cure for an internal problem. It starts with us and ends with us. I send my love and prayers
10 Likes
It’s alright Tinkerbell . That was some good sobriety you earned. You can do it again:muscle:t4:
8 Likes
No need to say sorry most addict have relapses its a normal thing just your brain being connected that way not to be a downer but your addicted for life you just need to vind a way to deal with it i realy advice to seek professional help its wat keeps me clean also na meetings helps allot you will meet people that are going to the same shit as you and understand what you are going through just keep trying you will get sober if you stick to te na program much luck and love 
in your struggle 
6 Likes
Tinkerbell, you managed to do 30 drink free days, so you know you have it in you to do it again, and smash that 30 days too!
We all know your struggle, not a soul here could hate you for it. We are on your side. Be kind to yourself, and start afresh sweetheart. We are here with you 
7 Likes
We don’t hate you. That is the shame/guilt/anxiety/self hate messing with you. I am glad you shared here and hopefully are okay now. Professional help sounds like a really good idea. We all need help along the way. Please keep working toward healing. You deserve a healthy life.
14 Likes
I dont hate you Tink, i care, i love you and you matter to me and many others… you just need some help as we all do, people from all walks of life get caught by addiction and this shit is hard, keep venting so we can all help you with your struggles and journey
11 Likes
That’s your inner self-pity and self-shame talking. The real task here isn’t to change the way other people see you. The task is to change the way you see yourself.
Have you checked out a group yet? There are at least two AA groups in Istanbul (first link I give below) and there’s a Turkish general services AA office based in Ankara (you could call them; the second link below):
http://www.adsizalkolikler.com/
Plus there’s meetings literally 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year that you can attend online. Here’s a couple links but you can also search “marathon AA meeting” and you’ll get lots of 24 hour options in the results.
This one is a women’s meeting:
Here are some other online resources:
And here’s a search for “marathon AA meeting” - there are lots of results you can go to; you are never far from a meeting, any time of day:
https://www.google.com.tr/search?q=marathon+aa+meeting
You can’t do it alone; no one can. Meetings are one powerful resource: that experienced community has been through it and can help you find your way. Keep an open mind and don’t give up. Do not give up! Every day, reach out to your sober community to connect (instead of isolating and escaping in your addiction, which keeps you numb). Reach out 5 times a day if you want, or even more. That reaching out for help and support, and developing that habit, is key to getting yourself to a safe, healthy place.
11 Likes
Nobody hates you, remember we’re sick people trying to get better, not bad people trying to be good, take care 
&
11 Likes
No one here will hate you because you had a step backward. For some people, they quit and never have that back step; for other people, their recovery is more like a strange funky chicken dance where there are flailing steps backward and forward. What matters now is what you do going forward. If you think you need professional care, then get it. You can’t change the past, but you can create the future you want.
12 Likes
Thank you for your support. I love you all. Today I feel very bad. But its again day 1. Alcohol is definitely not for me. I will keep going. I really really feel bad. But it will pass. So sorry
17 Likes
Feeling bad and sorry arent going to change anything so roll all those shitty feelings up in a ball, toss them away and give them the fingers! Instead start working on a good sober plan whilst being really kind to yourself, thats a much better option
11 Likes
You already knew that (you’ve shared in your previous posts). I’m not saying this to be negative, just factual. You’re not running “experiments” to see if alcohol works in some magic combination that won’t have negative consequences. You already know you cannot have 1 drink, ever. You have an allergy to alcohol, like some people have an allergy to peanuts. You must disconnect yourself from alcohol completely.
You need to choose a new behaviour. What new action are you going to do, to start a new path in your healthy life?
5 Likes
Reset go go again don’t give up , tomorrow is a new day x
8 Likes
So glad you are here. Today is a new day. 
2 Likes
I will check them. Online is better I think. Thank you.
4 Likes
Nothing to be sorry for, nobody hates you. Hell if a relapse made people in the recovery community hate you, I’d be the most hated mfer around.
You’ll get your reality back, alcohol can make you think crazy stuff especially if mixed with other intoxicants or used very heavily for a long period of time. You may have heard the terms “wet brain” or “seeing pink elephants”.
Honestly, professional care can only help. If you’re thinking it, maybe look into it. Are you in the states? Many states have state funded rehabs you can go to regardless of your ability to pay. Your health department might be able to point you in the right direction. I mention it because even my state (usually dead last in all metrics used to measure a states health and success) has a couple great rehab places that will take you in with no insurance/ no money. It won’t show up on the first several pages of a google search, I had to find out about it word of mouth (and it was right down the road).
Relax, let yourself detox and heal for a while. Keep coming back here, we’d rather you come back and talk to us than disappear.
1 Like