Hey so that’s great you’re being honest about the pressure building. Addiction thrives on shame and secrecy so it’s great you can admit that it’s getting harder!
What are you doing daily for your recovery? They say we have to invest as much work into our recovery as into our drinking. Just not drinking or white knuckling it won’t cut it for an alcoholic.
Have you been to meetings? Started reading sober literature? Changed people places and things? Started a journal to engage with yourself?
If it is getting harder, you need to add to your personal recovery program to keep up with the challenge. If nothing changes, nothing changes.
My biggest tools are and were psychotherapy, recovery podcasts and biographies. I felt like there were more ppl out there with my problem and it helped me to see others had walked the walk before. I joined this forum after 3 months or so I think, that also became a strong pillar of my sober life.
You need to be working on the reasons of your drinking, buddy. Get honest with yourself and start admitting what you’re drinking at. For me this took months, even years, for the whole pic to emerge. So it’s ok if it takes time. But engaging with yourself and investing in you, that is a must in recovery.
You can do it. I know you can because I did it. We did it.
Resources for our recovery
Advice for the Newcomer and Constant Relapser