I’m not sure how this is going to go but I have to start somewhere. I’m 53 years old and I have spent at least 30 of those years in an abusive relationship with alcohol. While I wouldn’t put myself in the “alcoholic” category, I have spent my entire adult life drinking in excess roughly 4-5 days a week. I just don’t know when to stop and then before you know if I’m waking up in bed wondering how I got there. Which is what happened last night after a family celebration at a local pizza place. I don’t remember eating, leaving, the ride home(I wasn’t driving my husband was FYI) none of it. My adult children were witness to this along with my husbands entire family and while this isn’t a common occcurance (the blacking out part) it’s happened enough in front of my kids that it just needs to end…So I have had enough. Since I can’t seem to control myself and just have a 1 or 2 I have decided that I just can’t have any. Period. End of discussion. I texted my husband about it who I’m sure won’t be happy. You see he’s an enabler, he likes his beer every day but he doesn’t have these common laps in memory like I do and he’s now going to lose his wing man. But I have to do this for me so he is just going to have to deal with it. I know he’ll support me(he’s not a monster) but I’m sure he’s rolling his eyes right now because he’s heard the “I’m never drinking again” speech a thousand times from me. Today is different. I want this. I need this. I’ve tried cutting back so many times for different reasons, weight loss, feeling better, sleeping better etc. Today it’s about me, it’s about wanting to be a better role model for my kids, even though they are adults. Today will be easy, tomorrow might be too. It’s the day after that and then I have an employee party on Sunday. Is this why they say take it one day at a time? Is anyone else out there feeling like this?
Welcome Wendy…i think the term “alcoholic” means different things to different people, i dont really feel like it needs a label but if your life has become unmanageable or you cannot stop doing it or unable to stop when you start then is say for definate you have a problem with alcohol
Yup you are completely right about that. I just never wanted to put myself in that category but I just can’t keep fooling myself anymore. :0(
First step is admitting that your powerless over alcohol, that you cannot control it…ever. Once you get your head around that its actually quite freeing. We all understand here, for me if i give myself any lables at all its that im an addict and the only thing i can control where alcohol is involved is not having the first drink. I can tell you that my life now without alcohol in it is far better than i ever dreamed of, stick around here we are here to help you, sending love and hugs 
Hey Wendy, Welcome!! We don’t need to paste a label on ourselves to know we have a really destructive relationship with alcohol that needs to end. I was around your age as well when I finally hit my wall. The blackouts, embarrassment, shame, guilt…all of it was unbearable. I made so many promises to myself only to break them in a few days. I tried to bargain my way out (only on weekends, water in between, keep a full stomach, no hard liquor, blah blah blah). Then I blamed my husband because we had been ‘partying’ together our whole relationship. It took me a long time to get real and know this was needed for me and that I could do this whether he kept drinking or not. It wasn’t easy at all, and it didn’t just happen after I made up my mind, but it set me on the right path. Just like where you are now. This is a great step in making needed change for yourself.
A couple of things that helped me on the way was first reading This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (I read a LOT of other books, but this one helped shift my view of drinking). I kept a LOT of fizzy water around and stayed hydrated. When I was caving, I came here and read and when I had a free moment I came here and read and shared. And this one seems important for where you are at…I begged off of get togethers for awhile, until I had a little confidence. That is my roundabout way of saying, make an excuse for the employee party and do not go. Avoiding super triggers like that was way important for me. It isn’t forever, but in the first weeks, it was a must for me. Because it had been proven over and over and over I would think ‘just one…’ and we all know the truth of how that goes.
Sorry so long winded!! I am passionate about women around my age and their journey to healing.
So glad you are here!! You deserve to feel good about yourself.
Welcome Wendy and i am proud of you for taking a step towards self betterment. I am not a fan of any labels. Healthy clean living without being controlled by anything is my goal.
It is not an easy road as some of our daily substances are so commonly available and used. I know for me that i can’t do moderation with alcohol. I go down that spiral very quickly and it would take forever to get myself back on track. I do know that for me that ‘one’ drink is all it takes to suck me down the rabbit hole. We do need support as we are unable to do this alone. Grateful you are here with us and hope you are also able to find some in real life support (meetings, family, recovery groups).
I am glad that you are able to talk with your husband. I realize that “im never drinking again” talk has happened before - it only takes that one time to stick. Your actions will put weight behind your words. It took me about a month to prove my seriousness to my family members. This is a wonderful community filled with like minded individuals working on a similar journey who will understand your journey.
We do say take it one day at a time (actually one minute at a time) for the beginning as it literally is a mind battle to keep pushing through the urges. Finding ways to keep yourself busy (mind and body occupied) helps with the urges.
Knowing that you may have some trouble with Sunday’s party - is it possible to skip the party? (call in sick or …?) It may be too early to test your willpower. If you do have to attend, have your plans in place – ie. A place to escape to if you get overwhelmed, be the DD for the night, Have options for non alcoholic drinks available (keep one in hand at all times), Keep your phone charged and handy as we will be just a click away to help offer support.
I love this thank you for sharing it. I will take it all in stride. The party on Sunday for me and my thought process is a must. It’s an obstacle that I need to over come. I’m a very social person so I need to be able to be in a social environment and not drink. Staying home all the time will literally drive me to drink so I need to do it. We are playing games and stuff and there will be a ton of good food so it should be enough to keep my mind and mouth occupied lol
Yup Sunday is a must. But I’m determined to get through it. I’ll be eating my face off and bringing my own mocktail and they are doing a wii bowling and other games so I’ll be busy and since it’s an open house I can literally leave whenever I want if I get triggered
Thank you for the support. I’ve only had this app less than an hour and I already know it’s the right fit!
I love it!! Yup - we are all like family here and the support on this app is incredible.
Take your time to check out some of the other threads and join in when you feel comfortable…
a few that help me stay on track are Daily Gratitude, The Air Of Recovery #5 and
If you must go, remember you can always go out for a little walk or hide out in the bathroom for a bit and come on here. Someone is always around to help if you need. And leaving early can always be done. Wishing you the best, keep us posted!!
Just chiming in a warm welcome, Wendy. You’ve already gotten some great advice from some of my favorite people. So I’m gonna leave it at that! Good luck on Sunday💪🏼
Welcome to the world of recovery! Congratulations on taking this big step! I know having the big bookhelps me deal denial, acceptance, and moving on!
God Bless!
Have you read the book “Quit Like A Woman”? I listened to it on audible & enjoyed most of it. She’s talks about how alcohol is a cultural issue and how our society supports problem drinking which makes it hard to quit. The author is also not a big fan of the term alcoholic.
I also recommend following @asobergirlsguide on instagram or listen to her podcast (same name).
Good for you for being here and taking the time to care for yourself!
you might also talk to your doctor about Naltrexone. My best friend was able to finally quit drinking taking it & she dates a guy who is a heavy drinker.
Probably my very favorite read!! Love her!!
I just found out it’s a week from Sunday lol! Not sure if that’s good or bad. We will see. I’m just going to take this minute by minute which is a better approach than day by day.
Thank you so much!!
Be careful of this Wendy…has this thought process served you well all this time? If u keep putting the kid in the sweetie shop and all that…i totally understand that some people are very sociable and need to be around people but i urge you to try to do that in a scenario where your not constantly around drinking at least until your a bit stronger in your sobriety
Thank you!!!
Hello Wendy, welcome to the family 
Personally I don’t like the term alcoholic either. I find it sounds like an illness, which it is… there is no denying that. But terms like recovery, sober journey, teetotal just have a healthier, friendlier more positive ring to it. So whatever you want to call yourself, if you want to put a label on it at all, it’s your decision.
The Sunday party is your decision too. Will it be a trigger for you? Everyone is different, but a lot of people avoid social gatherings that involve alcohol for the first few weeks or months. I didn’t. I went to a works outing: food, pub, pubquiz at around 2 weeks sober. I found it easier to go there and say “oh I have a lemonade tonight, I’m driving home” than sitting alone on my sofa. The off-licence literally visible from my window, knowing I can walk over, get a bottle (or two) of wine and drink myself to oblivion. No one would know, no one would challenge me, no one would hold me accountable.
So, what’s your trigger? If you go on Sunday make a plan. Keep a non alcoholic drink in your hand. Check in with us beforehand and/or during the event. Hold yourself accountable.
Sending you love and strength 
