True. I guess I keep hoping someone has a magic key that will take me to these unicorn groups where people actually extend the hand and I would not be rebuked for talking to people afraid of relapsing.
And I really find it helps to be able to talk about recovery.
But you are right.
I have done Rescue Recovery. One AA group was really trying to support them, so I figure why not. But it was very similar. Smart Recovery is too dogmatic.
Lifering is actually pretty great. I wish it were possible to do f2f, but maybe that will come. Online they are great.
I think the bad meeting is better than any meeting at all. But I have seen people belittle people who are struggling. That really turns me off. I told my friend about it who has been posting meetings for years and he calls them alpha AAs…… Anytime you can see your picture you look for houses in meetings at which one is different so maybe it’s just the meeting you were at?
I know that sense of “trying to make things work”. I have a friend who is realy sensical and logical and she says to me “if it’s not a good fit, it’s not a good fit…move on.” I envy her ability to reason like that. It Sounds like lifering is your avenue then! Good luck with it.
What you are describing sounds like the program as described in the literature–which I find inspiring.
But it sounds like you have more personal relationships with people in the program. My first sponsors discouraged that and I still feel uncomfortable with it.
The great thing is on the internet we really can talk about the tough stuff and ask questions. My defect is that I also tend to do so in person.
The problem is that AA DOES work for me. The principles and literature do. My whole recovery is built on them.
I guess I keep hoping someone will unlock how to make the meetings work for me as well. But you are right. Thinking that somehow my love of the literature is going to translate into feeling comfortable in meetings is probably a lost cause.
Over my many years helping people and sponsoring and visiting prisons and hospitals and speaking at conferences , i did 3 top tables last week and another tonight and one tomorrow night that what AA is about not Face to Face wet nights going to meeting with a 12 step ,the guy says on the header its time i left the program , i wasnt saying anything he already said there is always a seat at a meeting , as you say you dont go to meetings so ill overlook your comment and i was at a meeting last week everyone in the room was over 25 years sober no relapses so it isnt rare ,
Being in a non-English speaking country, online has been my only experience of AA. While I do Zoom meetings, typed messages of help from here, or on another group, wise words or just warm encouragement, have helped me many times. I have stuck around, despite sometimes wondering my worth, getting annoyed at drama or nitpicking, because I hope I can do the same. If I hit the mark one time out of 100, then ok.
Sorry I voice texted that I’m not sure how houses came out. I just meant that every meeting is different, especially when it comes to bigger or smaller groups
I would miss some newcomers in a group I think…
Though I love the wisdom of two of my group members (13 years cleantime), I find it more conplete to hear shares about early sobriety as well.
Maybe give zoom a try or na or something else I myself am from na but shake things up all the time with AA you’d be surprised the difference between them
In my personal experience I’ve been met with nothing less than love and warmth yes once your settled if your not putting the work in or fully getting involved you elwill feel like abit of an outsider, where ever you got your always find a few that are clicking but hey that’s life and there problem, I suppose it’s down to the individual as to what works for them, in my experience I started findi g fault in na BC I wanted out to use and my ego took over as I reverted bk to old ways and my ego was my only defence against the world how stupid was I, but I’ve learnt and now we move forward
Now try getting rid of all the “I” and “they”, replace them with “we” and try to be more inclusive, open minded.
From what I read, the only distance you experience is the one in your own mind…
Don’t try to be, or consider yourself to be, different from the rest. Be one of them.
If we feel we’re an outsider, it’s because we choose to be. If we feel different, it’s because we choose to feel like that.
Of course, we’re all different. Thank God not everybody is like me… but in the rooms, I’m just another addict like the rest of them. In there, I’m part of the “we”.
