After drinking my whole life and 100% quitting for over a month now, I’ve realized I have absolutely zero freinds besides my dog. I definitely wasn’t a mean or ugly drunk, in fact I was way more relaxed and chill and nice when drinking. It’s just funny to me that I don’t actually have any real friends. I suppose it’s because I’d push people away that actually cared about me or loved me, because I didn’t want to be close to anyone and let them in to my head, heart, and soul.
I never ever felt lonely when I was drinking…Busch Light and Fireball were my best freinds and nothing else mattered to me.
Now I realize what a selfish disease alcoholism is!
Point is: I’m wondering if anyone can relate to what I’m saying?
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I’m sure we all can relate Seth. What you describe is so true and typical. Actually IMO Recovery from drinking is exactly the opposite. It’s working on (re)connecting to the world, both the outside world and the people in it, and the inside world inside ourselves, our feelings and emotions.
It’s (IMO) the main reason for joining peer to peer support groups like AA or SMART. It’s a big reason to come here. To know we are not alone. Together we can do this. Alone we can’t. Alone we’re just alcoholics and addicts. Thanks for sharing Seth. Glad you are here.
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Hi Sethi’s trying,
I can absolutely relate to how you are feeling. Being abstinent from numerous substances (alcohol being one of them) I am extremely lonely. Whilst this is an unpleasant feeling, it has tougher me who my real friend’s are & the difference between real & insencere ones. I believe that in itself is an Invaluable lesson. Going through this journey I believe you will meet more whol- heartedly friends & I wish you all the best through this process.
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100%!! Loneliness because of the alcohol and alcohol because of the lonliness…oh what a vicious cycle. Now in sobriety, I grapple with the time alone. I am told that I cried a lot in my black outs. I don’t remember it. But happiness is what you make when sober! New hobbies, New adventures, and a new sober you!
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It does feel so lonely to quit drinking in a society that seems to prioritize and encourage alcohol abuse.
Can you make friends? Do you feel comfortable putting yourself out there now? It’s never too late. And perhaps you haven’t made anyeaningful connections before this because they might have pulled you back in. This way, you can develop friendships with individuals that you can prioritize and find commonality in that you may not have before
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Absolutely. For me, when drinking I’m a dick, when hanging I’m a flake/complete overthinker/catastrophiser and the inbetween, I ain’t thinking about no one but myself.
So when I feel overwhelmed now by loneliness, I remind myself I’m in a much better place mentally and that it’s the same as anything, I need to build it up by taking small steps.
My very best to you - really appreciate you sharing
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Lots of folks here have found great connections and friendships through AA.
I don’t go to AA personally, however I have found that with all the spare time I now have, and extra energy, I’ve had time to join volunteering groups, which is a great way to meet like minded folks.
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He Seth, and welcome here! You’ve made the right decision to give up and you’ve already learnt a valuable truth about yourself and one of the reasons you were drinking: you drank to mask loneliness. There’ll be other things alcohol helped you hide, distort, suffer as well.
I can absolutely relate to your feelings. I was so lonely and alcohol helped me feel that less, too.
In sobriety you have a chance to see things for what they are. Are the alcohol brands your friends? Do they nourish and inspire you and want the best for you? No they have kept you isolated and left you in poor health.
Who is Seth and what does he have to offer real, human friends? You’ll be amazed at what you can do and how interesting you’ll become to yourself and others once you explore yourself and go through the journey of recovery with an open mind, curiosity, courage ans honesty. We are happy to go a bit of the way with you together!
Also, you do already have the best friend the world can offer one, your pup. She’s a beauty! And still so young, no? She deserves the best and most active dog daddy, don’t you think? I know my girl didn’t get the best me the first few months when I had her, and I still feel guilty about that. Making up for that every day.
Here are a few helpful threads to get you started! Hope to see you around a lot!
Resources for our recovery
Advice for the Newcomer and Constant Relapser
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Wow, you hit the nail on the head. Thank you!
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Thank you. Now I feel I touched something in you, even if small, and that makes me feel less lonely myself. 
This small feeling of connection, I never had that as a drunk. Now I know where to find it and I can let it in, to feel it and amass it internally, so it warms me. I never feel quite as painfully lonely anymore.
Hope you have a nice day and give Roxie many kisses!
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I can relate 100%. Here is the good news. In my 1367 days sober, life has gotten exponentially better. I have rebuilt my life and filled it with new things.
I admit, in the beginning…I never figured all this would happen. For now, focus on you…focus on being sober. The rest will come along
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Thank you for the words of encouragement, I appreciate it that others understand, care, and have been there. I can tell there’s real people on here that have and still suffer with addictions and the effects of it.
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Can id with you but when i went to AA i got plenty of sober friends to continue my sober journey wish you well
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I think everyone here can relate. I thought I was surrounded by tons of friends, even considered them like family. Once alcohol was taken out of the equation, I realized I have nothing in common with any of them, and a couple of them turned out to be total lowlifes a sober person would cross the street to avoid.
Welcome to the club! There’s a lot of great people here! 
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I know all to well what your saying.
Bud Light and fireball were my bestfriends, then I had my crew down at the pub.
Since I quit drinking last month I stopped into the pub a couple of times to hang out with everyone (drank pepsi while there). I stopped doing that though as being the only sober person there while listening to drunken nonsense conversations became rather boring. I quickly realized that outside of the bar scene, I really don’t have any friends. Aside from when I go to work, the store or a meeting, I don’t really see anyone. Haven’t hung out with anyone, nothing.
as lonely as it’s been, at this point i’d rather sit in my apartment by myself playing bass or video games than be sitting in the bar with way to much beer/whisky in my gut rambling nonsense.
New friends will come and old friends will come back, jus takes time
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It’s one of the biggest mental mind fucks about quitting.
After many failed attempts at staying sober because I kept hanging out with my drinking buddies, I stopped going to their houses, going to the bars, I haven’t drank.
At first I felt lonely but I made good use of my time picking up old hobbies and starting new ones. After a few months this became my new normal, and I was enjoying my alone time.
When I am around my old drinking buddies I don’t relate to them any more. I saw my best drinking buddy tonight. He was drunk, annoying, and I drove his truck home for him and walked home to keep a drunk driver off the roads.
I still have love for him, but it’s different now. At six months sober I missed him. At two years sober, I can’t wait to get away from him.
They all whine about the same old bullshit because nothing changes if nothing changes. I have changed everything. Now I have a pile of new things to whine about.
Get to know yourself again. Then,you will attract people who are on the same path you are.
12 step meetings have alot of activities. It’s a great way to make new friends. Friends who are on the same path.
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I’m doing alright I guess. Thanks.
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that is nice to hear.
how are your sobriety and your loneliness faring?
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Staying sober but still lonely as hell.
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