Making a solid change

Hey everyone,
My name is Heather, I am 23 about to be 24 with two children ages 4 & 2. I have struggled with alcohol abuse since my dad passed in 2017. I never wanted to admit it was a problem. Until I spent Mother’s Day alone, drunk in my bedroom. I am disappointed and disgusted with myself quite frankly, and I have decided enough is enough. I’m putting the bottle down for good. My children deserve a sober mother and I deserve a sober life. I’m nervous and anxious about it because I haven’t found a way to curve the cravings yet. Today I spent sober. I am taking it one step at a time and today, I’m proud of myself.


Welcome Heather :wave: :innocent:

You are showing courage, doing this. Never forget this. You have courage and you are taking action, and that is something to feel good about.

I know it’s hard. I know there’s so much that is unknown and it’s scary as hell. I promise you though: you will figure it out. Keep asking for help and keep connecting with people who can help you, and you will find what you need. Together, you learn to walk your paths :innocent:

There are so many good resources to start with. For me, group support made a big difference, and reading about my addiction. There’s good resources for those here

Resources for our recovery

and here

Online meeting resources

I also find it super helpful to check in here. I don’t do it every day myself (though many people do!), but I do it when I need to get the squirrels out of my head, get them written down so I can see them outside myself, so they don’t drive my crazy:

Checking in daily to maintain focus #42

There are many, many mothers who are in your same shoes. Read around here and you’ll find some, no doubt you will recognize some of your story in theirs. Search “mom” “mothers” “mommy wine culture” “mom guilt” and similar terms (all have been used in threads about this) and you’ll find lots of threads with stories.

You are not alone.

You have the strength and the courage to do this. Take it one day at a time and keep reaching out, keep sharing. You will find your way.

You’re a good person and a good mother, and you deserve a safe, sober life where you can be your full self. :innocent:


Also nice as a space to find a group, 24 hours a day - somewhere you can have a sympathetic space, where people understand:


Welcome Heather. Im glad you found this forum. Its full of supportive people who are fighting the good fight to stay sober too.

Day one is tough! Just take it minute by minute and one day at a time. Best of luck. See you around.


Thank you :blush: I appreciate it

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Thank you so much for your kind words. I have honestly been having a really rough night and that’s why I decided to make a post on here hoping for something like this. You have made tonight a little easier for me.
I appreciate all the resources you provided, I will definitely be looking into that stuff now to help me through my first full night. I am committed to being sober. I will get through this no matter how difficult it may be.
I am thankful for this app to provide me with so many people who are struggling the same way.
Have a great night! :blush:


Welcome Heather!
I watched both of my best friends lose their parents and turn to alcohol to help numb the pain. It’s so hard! I bet you must miss him all the time. :heart:
You can do this. You say that your kids deserve a sober mother but you also deserve to be able to live a long, strong, healthy and sober life. Do it for them and yourself. :). You got this!!!

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I’m sorry to hear that, I know those nights can be hard. It’s tough and you feel alone. Those are hard nights.

It’s nice to have spaces online, here on Talking Sober and in other online groups (like at the links above) where we can find somewhere to listen in, read, and be with a group. Something about it is comforting.

You are allowed to feel comfortable. You are also allowed to follow this rule, which I find helps me:

You are allowed to do anything that is safe and legal, to stay sober.

Cancel or change plans because you’re not sure you’ll be safe in your sobriety? (Or just because you’re emotionally tapped) Yep. Absolutely.
Pizza for dinner? Two days in a row? (Cake for dinner!) Yep.
Netflix all day because today is just not happening? Yep.
Visit an amusement park and ride rollercoasters, any time? Yep.
Take long walks listening to loud music? Yep.
Let the kids play in the mud and eat dirty grapes? Absolutely. (They’ll be fine.)
Etc etc.

You are allowed to do anything that is safe and legal, to stay sober.

Be gentle with yourself. Keep it simple. Reach out for help and to vent and just to have someone who understands. You can do it; you have permission. :innocent:

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Hi Heather, I’m new here too. Sorry you’re having a rough night but I’ve found it helps a little to remind myself that its ok that it’s rough. I hesitate to say that its normal to feel bad, because I am not a doctor. But I’ve been through it hundreds of times, nerves and anxiety are common when you come off of it. So it helps me to remind myself that its normal, and that’s ok.

Also, the disappointed and disgusted part, don’t think like that. You have to be good to yourself the first few days especially. If you can, try to relax and do as many pleasant things as possible for yourself. Maybe a bath, tea (I like valerian root to help me sleep the first few nights), clean bed linens and some tv or a book. I always found podcasts and books to be the best to focus on the first couple days, for myself at least, as tv shows tend to jump around a lot and it would mess with my brain. So just relax and be present, don’t worry about the past or future tonight.


Its here 24/7. Its helped me 24/7. Welcome!

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Hi Heather, I don’t have anything profound to say, but, I’m glad you are giving this a whirl. I had a rough night a few nights ago and I found it really helped to post something. I read this site multiple times a day usually and it helps a lot. It’s a good community with a lot of wise people. Good luck!


Thank you for your kind words! I made it through last night, it was rough but I did start a book to help me through! Thank you for that suggestion! I have found today that opening the windows and letting some light in the house helps as well. I have been very productive today for the first time in years! This group is already helping so much and I’m taking on day number 2 with pride. :blush:

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