Hi, I’m new to this. Im not sure what to say for an introduction. You can call me Olive, its not too far off my real name. Im in my mid 20s. Ive been drinking since i was 12. I have depression and bpd so every time i drink i make awful choices. Last night was so bad. I offered myself up to someone for giving me a lift home, i send photos to the wrong person. I tried to do something i couldnt come back from. I got kicked out of a bar. I cant keep living like this. I drink too much and too often. My problems are my own creation and drinking makes me make my problems even worse. So im quitting it before it kills me or gets me killed. I dont really know what im supposed to do though now. It sounds like it should be easy enough but drinking has been my entire social life. I was a student until recently so i could just blame it and the choices i made on student life but now i need to take responsibility for myself and my actions.
Can we call it student recklessness? Let’s do that and now we transition, not just the drinking, we’re leaving that behind. Where else can you move forward?
For now RE the drinking let’s say dry January, not overthink it… It’s dry January. Now what are we getting into now next… Job, career, something else?
Hi Olive - lovely to meet you. Welcome to the community.
Our addictions do take over our lives and lead to many bad decisions and consequences. Grateful that you are here working to become sober.
I know that it was a hard road and i could not have done it without support. This is a great community where you can receive genuine support and great advice. Do you have any other forms of support around you in real life? Are you planning to go to AA or any other recovery meetings?
It can be scary and hard at the beginning so please do lean on us and ask questions 
Take some time to read around and soak in some of the posts.
a few threads that might be helpful to you…
Checking in daily to maintain focus #61
Sounds like you are realizing what so many of us had to come to accept. We thought we were drinking to have fun or relax or let loose. We found we were drinking to overcome a craving that could not ever be satisfied, we could never drink enough for that. We were obsessed with drinking - planning it, doing it, recovering from it, thinking about it every day. We had to drink.
And you don’t ever have to drink again - there are ways to recover. Most of these ways put sobriety and its pursuit at the center of our lives, rather than the booze. I’m okay with that.
You can find a way to stop drinking. Everything is gonna be alright. Welcome to Talking Sober 
Welcome. I drank like a student WAY past the time that I was no longer a student. When I had work and parental responsibilities. And slowly the drinking degenerated into worse than being a student. So I applaud you for noticing early and getting out as soon as you can.
Learning to be social without drinking can be uncomfortable. But actually I find it is easier when you can actually remember previous interactions, you have had enough sober time in the past week or so to do things you can actually remember and talk about, etc.
Happy to share this journey with you.
Welcome to the community here Olive, and thanks for sharing. You sound really clear and ready about this. Congratulations! Dave here said something I want to highlight - “Where else can you move forward” - your firm desire for sobriety is a declaration that you’re ready for a better life. You deserve it. Sobriety is the best tool to ensure that transformation - so while you are recovering from this illness, it’s a good time to take a look at the uncomfortable aspects of your life - and most importantly your perspectives on life - that need your attention because they are ready to transform too. Grieve & forgive the past which is gone, and focus on what is shifting and developing now that you’re facing yourself sober and learning who you really are.
Seek outside support on a daily basis for your sobriety.
Thanks I’ll be sure to check the links. I havent really thought about AA or anything like that. I probably should look into it. I dont have any support in real life. I cant talk to anyone about it. They’ve seen how bad things get when i drink but they just laugh it off and i dont want people really knowing the whole thing. Im going to give all my bottles to my sister when i see her next. I dont think i can bring myself to pour them out and it feels wasteful. I have so many bottles of spirts just sitting in my wardrobe and its all i can think about. Every time i go downstairs (my wardrobe is in the dining room, long story) i just get a glass of water instead. That seems to help a bit.
I dont know what people usually do when they want a drink.
Blaming it on being a student was easier to justify it. Im trying to get a promotion at work so thats something to work on i guess. Dry January sounds like a good start, thanks 
Welcome to the community. I hope this forum will be useful to you in your journey.
Olive, welcome. There is no blueprint for how to do this sobriety lifestyle, but it sounds like you recognize that alcohol is not helping you reach your goals. I’m sure that is an understatement. I’m glad you’re here and looking toward what could be a much more fulfilling life path for you! I hope you get something out of joining in with this community. I think you will.
Hi Olive welcome here,
There is enough said above to give you a good start here.
Please come here often, it helps to be here much. I was here almost every day since my day and I am sober since. It keep me acounteble and focussed. Quitting is not “just stop” it requires work. Being here is a good start! 
Hi Olive,
Welcome to the site. Just one or two things I noticed.
Pour them out! The money has already been wasted. It’s poison, both in a literal sense as poison to your mind, sitting there, calling you, torturing your mind. Fuck the worth, it doesn’t have any for you. Just cost. It could be a healing experience, a therapeutic one. A cleansing ritual. It reminds me of quitting smoking and destroying my last smokes, ripping them up, dousing it, flushing them down the toilet. It was great.
This one I also have from quitting smoking (I quit nicotine first and gained so much knowledge about addiction and how to fight it from that): Use the four D’s:
Discuss. Always talk about it when a crave hits. Come here for example. Discussing is both a way to:
Distract. Distraction helps to make cravings go away.
And
Delay. Cravings will pass.
Drink Water. As you are already. Drink plenty of it.
We need people in our lives who know the whole thing. If I learned one thing in sobriety it is that I can’t do it alone. That’s why I come here. Here we know the deal. It’s also why I went into therapy. And by now I have learned to trust some people in real life enough to let them know my deal. The whole thing yes. Scary as fuck but so needed and helpful and healing.
Yes to that. And it’s up to us to ourselves do something about it. I’m diagnosed with bpd and depression as well. Only me can do something about that. But not on my own. I did group therapy for three years and it was terrible but so glad i did. I’m happy you’re here as we are in this together and the more the stronger we are. Welcome again Olive. Wishing you all success on your journey. You’re not alone. 
Welcome Olive to this beautiful place