A meeting tonight, but I’m still mulling over the stuff of a meeting a few nights ago now…
From Wise Concentration
“The purpose of concentration is to train the mind to be focused and undistracted.” Of course.
“Most of us, in early meditation practice, are distracted by things around us.” Agreed.
“In our addictions, we nurtured the habit of distracting ourselves; for many of us, it has become a survival technique. Concentration meditation gives us the opportunity to meet this habit with kindness and patience rather than resistance.” Hmmmm…
“Concentration can be especially helpful in times of craving. Instead of getting lost in the delusion that we must have what we’re craving, we can trust that the craving is only temporary and refocus our attention…” Now you’re talking…
Not avoidance, but redirection. There’s a bunch of air traffic controllers running around in my mind with a whole new skillset to practice.
Life has gotten away from me, nothing serious…juat to many hours at work. Taking time for myself tonight, and refocusing on Dharma.
This stood out as something I need to set with
But we were not satisfied and we thought, “Since this one object makes my room so beautiful, if I get more antiques, my room will be even more beautiful.” So we began to collect, and the end result was chaos.
We re-read “Wise Intention” at last night’s mtg. This landed in me anew:
"There may be times when we don’t necessarily want to act in a wholesome manner. We may know what’s the right thing to do, but just don’t want to do it. It’s in these moments when we can focus on our intention. Maybe we aren’t ready to do the difficult thing, to quit a certain behaviour, to set a boundary, or forgive someone for whom we hold a resentment. But we can set the intention to do so, and investigate our willingness in meditation by repeating statements like “May I have the willingness to forgive… May I have the willingness to quit smoking (or skip that piece of cake, or stay off the internet tonight etc.)… May I have the willingness to make amends to my partner.”
I have pretty big blind spot here. When it comes to “accepting the things I cannot change”, I tell myself I do this. Except, there’s a part of my mind that when said things (or actions of others) are wrong, unjust, or otherwise deeply incongruent with my values, I feel like I am allowed to justifiably rage against them, even if only internally. When I go to these places in my mind, I see how close I am to where I also “justifiably” allowed myself to drink to deal with it all.
Truthfully? I still want to feel deeply stirred by injustice, inequity, poverty, (my list goes on).
May I have the willingness to respond to these with wise speech, wise action, and wise effort.
May I practice discernment and cultivate equanimity.
I really love this and appreciate you sharing it…and so eloquently and thoughtfully!! I have the same tendencies…so this will give me more to meditate on coming into the new year.
Sounds great! My attempts at these, though, have felt so much like I’m in a fitting room, trying them on as if they are clothes I could buy. Reaching for something external (sound familiar?) to compensate for my deficits. They haven’t stuck.
So, I’ve been turning to the pros for help unpacking this. A few gems:
I do know this: I could not be here, where I am today - walking away from the fitting room - without embracing my truth, that I need recovery on the daily.
Grateful.
I am watching a coworker struggle, life just isnt “going her way”. She asked how I always seem so content (she has obviously never read my venting here…lol)…and I pulled this out
from “The Pocket Pema Chodron (Shambhala Pocket Classics)” by Pema Chödrön -
“WE can learn to rejoice in even the smallest blessings our life holds. It is easy to miss our own good fortune; often happiness comes in ways we don’t even notice.”
I needed to read this today. Day 2 back at my desk after 10 days away from it. I realized during the break just how much free-rein I give my inner critic (a first class asshole) when I’m working. No censoring whatsoever. Some days I feel like there’s a loudspeaker narrating my inadequacy, my every insufficient move.
Your quote reminded me of this:
“Most of us have been conditioned to be our own harshest critic from early on, especially during our fixations on substances and behaviours. We carry the shadow of that judge with us, even as we seek recovery, giving ourselves negative feedback and scrutinizing every effort we make, holding ourselves to impossible standards of perfection. Letting go of that inner critic allows us to be mindful in the present of the efforts we are making, mindful of the compassion and lovingkindness we’re learning to make a part of our practice and our lives.” (p.45)
If it gets bad, I can even beat myself up for beating myself up. But this is a choice, and I need to remind myself I can choose otherwise. Thank you for this.
(On keeping with the theme of gentleness for oneself):
“In meditation we discover our inherent restlessness. Sometimes we get up and leave. Sometimes we sit there but our bodies wiggle and squirm and our minds go far away. This can be so uncomfortable that we feel it’s impossible to stay. Yet this feeling can teach us not just about ourselves but also about what it is to be human. All of us derive security and comfort from the imaginary world of memories and fantasies and plans. We really don’t want to stay with the nakedness of our present experience. It goes against the grain to stay present. These are the times when only gentleness and a sense of humor can give us the strength to settle down.”
~Pema Chödrön
(From her book The Places That Scare Us)
Sigh. I was just having a look on the meetings available. I am happy I can easily see them in outlook when I select it. Yet, the first and last time I was asked to speak. I cannot. I just want to listen. But the groups seem to be too small to be overseen. Sigh. Ahhh.
Hey friend! I joined a few different meetings online before I found one that I would call “home group” (in my old hometown - 8hrs away). We have 3 meetings a week - all online, and one is hybrid - in-person for those who live in town and online for those of us afar - spread out around North America. Especially at the hybrid mtg - there can 15 in person and 15 online, or 8 people total. No rhyme or reason. No matter which meeting I joined, you can always keep your camera off, put “just listening” beside your name, or write in the chat that you prefer not to speak.
It’s always a balance - some people are hesitant to speak up unless they are invited to, like I was at first. The invitation to speak I think is only meant to make you feel comfortable to do so. At the same time, if you’re not, it should be just fine to type that into the chat and leave your camera off.
Of course - in saying all that, I don’t mean to minimize if your experience was not a positive one! It might be a bit like TS, in that it takes us all a little while to find our threads/grooves, how much we share/don’t, etc. In the end, we each get to find what works best for our recovery and leave the rest, hey?
I discovered something very poignant this evening about craving, this time from a scientific perspective. You may know it already but I thought I’d share….
When we ‘crave’ it is our mind desiring a dopamine hit. Whatever our addiction might be, just the thought of taking that drink or hit or whatever, creates dopamine in the brain and floods our physiology. Dopamine makes us happy and is similar to endorphins.
With this knowledge and when I next crave, I’ll remind myself of this and be present with the dopamine elevation, sit with it and then instead choose to pursue increasing my endorphins in that moment - by eating, exercising, connecting, being creative or doing something new. These also increase dopamine / endorphin levels.
Yes!!! This is such a huge realization…and I remember thinking, why didn’t I ever get it before. It seems so simple, but it was knowledge definitely out of reach for me, until it wasn’t.
