New here, drinking 40yrs!

Hello everyone i have been drinking since a Teenager, but as life has thrown some hefty things at me i use drink as my Medicine every day, whatever triggers me i pour a drink, my Health is awful. What has led me here is the Death of a good Friend 3 Days ago who had a date for rehab 1 Day ago, but didn’t make it. It’s hit me hard & i am going to do this for her, when i want a drink i am going to think of her, and what drink did, i am going to be reading this Forum all the time, thankyou everyone. I hope i can do this i will be 55 this Year, who am i without a drink?


Welcome. I am so glad you are here and I am so very sorry for the loss of your friend. Such a tragic and unnecessary loss of another person to insidious alcohol. The loss of your friend is a wake up call for you, no doubt. Do you have any supports there for you? Coming here is a great start but face to face support could be so helpful during this difficult time for you.

This is a wonderful place to find connection and that is so important to climb out the hole of isolation that alcohol creates. Here are some threads to check out if you haven’t found them already.

Resources for our Recovery

Advice for the Newcomer and Constant Relapser

And a lot of folks find it helpful to their sobriety to check in everyday on this thread. Even multiple times a day if necessary. It’s also a good place to ask for support and help if you’re struggling because there is lots of activity there.

Checking in daily to maintain focus

I’m glad you’re here. Sending love and hugs as you navigate grief for your friend.


Hi Jilly, it’s good to have you here, but I’m sorry it’s under such sad circumstances :heart:

While it’s a positive thing you’ve taken from the loss of your friend, you really really have to want a life of sobriety too.

Who are you without a drink? Well, you’re Jilly. You have always been Jilly. You’ve hidden behind alcohol for a long time, but it’s time to close that chapter in your life. you’re going to have to find new coping mechanisms for the raw emotions you will feel in every day life. Create your sober toolbox that you can rely on for when times get tough, and you feel like drinking. What goes in your toolbox?

We are in your toolbox for a start! If you ever hit the rocks and you really need someone to, there is usually people on here that can reply quickly.

Meetings. Most people here attend meetings whether it’s in person or online. It really helps to talk to people that have walked the same road as you. You feel less alone, and more supported when you reach out to others. Don’t be nervous about joining a group, remember, we are all in the same boat. Nobody will judge you.

Hobbies and interests. The last thing you need is a massive void in your life where your drinking hours used to be. You need to fill up this time with hobbies and interests. Take up some new things, just keep busy!

Health and fitness. This is something a lot of us have neglected for many years, because you feel really crappy and demotivated when you’re a drinker. Why not take some time to focus on your diet and exercise?

Friends and family. Go see them more often! It’s a useful way of passing the time we would usually drink. When I drank it made me dodge people, I didn’t feel normal and was always afraid they would see the effect drinking was having on me. One thing to note however, if any of these people were your drinking buddies, it would be a good idea to avoid them unless they are willing to do sober things with you.

Get out and do things sober. Go to the cinema, go to a musical or concert, take up salza classes, do whatever tickles your fancy!

Live a good life your friend, but do it for yourself first. Wishing you the very best of luck with your journey Jilly :heart:


Welcome Jilly!!! I have a beautiful friend named Jilly, she is a bit older than you and has had a lot of struggles as well. I am so sorry about your friend and I think you are wise to think of your friend and let your love for her and for yourself inspire you.

I drank for more than 40 years too Jilly and yes, it is hard and strange to envision a different way. But we can and do heal from drinking and begin a sober life. I hope you will stick around and read and share. You deserve a healthier life. :people_hugging::heart:


Welcome, Jill! I’m so deeply sorry for that tragic loss, and so glad you are here.


New as well, you have inspired me to share. I just turned 51. I started drinking pretty regularly at about 15 yoa. Over the years, of course, it became unmanageable. The last two years I have stopped drinking and then started again, over and over. I stopped May 1 and lasted 27days. Starting fresh today.


I understand how it can be hard to find out who you really are after years of drinking. Or remember who you were? Who was that kid who did things without a few beers first?

I find I’m generally the same person without a drink. Just less reckless with better judgment and a better understanding of appropriate behavior. For the most part my beliefs and interests haven’t changed. Alcohol seems to amplify our idgaf when we should be dialing that back a bit. Even if I thought about telling someone off on social media when sober, that wasn’t a good thing to do with liquid courage. Same thoughts in both states, but different actions.

Sorry about your friend. Congrats on your decision.

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Welcome to TS! I played the back and forth game for years. Finally accepted and surrendered to the fact that I’m alcoholic (I drank myself to addiction), that alcohol was a poison that negatively impacts many organs in our body, and that I would always be imprisoned by alcohol if I wasn’t willing to do whatever it took to get and stay sober. Do you have a plan? My last drink was at age 45. There are so many people your age kicking alcohol out of their lives so that they can get busy living versus dying. Community is key. Sobriety is starting to become “cool”, now is the time, friend!


How are you doing @Jilly5 ??