I’m glad you caught it before it got bad. I get the impression that you’re having a fair amount of anxiety still. Are you finding your recovery plan is equipped to address that struggle?
Yep. I’m just super mad that I did it without even noticing.
And yeah. Lots of anxiety. It’s kinda helpful. Like I have cold stuff to help me cool down, and I do deep breathing and stuff. But yeah. Most of the anxiety is caused by these memories I can’t control, so all I can do is distract myself or try and stay calm till they’re done. Idek what else to do. I should probably ask though, huh?
There’s not much you can do to prevent anxiety, so if you’re coping with it okay when it comes, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with just weathering the storm. Certainly ask if you want advice on it of course, but if your coping skills like deep breathing are doing the job, that’s great. Over the long term you can desensitize yourself to anxiety caused by external factors with CBT and/or exposure therapy, but with internal things like memories or trauma it’s trickier, but there are still treatment options available. There’s a PTSD thread that has some discussion about overcoming trauma.
1 Like
I normally do cope pretty ok. It’s just when I’m not thinking about it that I get bad. I don’t really wanna desensitise certain factors, but maybe some lol. If my anxiety of being alone with dudes keeps me from getting messed up again, I’m cool with that😆
Ill look for that thread. Sounds helpful. Thanks😊
Oh, you bring up a good point I didn’t touch on. Anxiety is a normal healthy thing reaction to not being convinced everything’s going to be okay. It’s when the anxiety reaction is way stronger than appropriate for the situation that it becomes a problem. Getting anxiety about legitimate risk is healthy - that’s what it’s there for, to not get stuck alone with a bunch of dudes we can’t trust, etc 
Yeah, exactly. I just had to write a big eassay on why fear is good, so been thinking about that some.
Exactly! The one healthy thing about me😆
1 Like
Feeling worthless again. I don’t know how not to feel this way. Or if I even deserve not to have to feel like this.
Idk. Whatever. I feel bad for feeling bad. And I feel like there’s no reason for me to feel this way. I think soon, I might tell y’all one more thing. Idk. We’ll see.
I can relate to this bit. At the end of the day mate, if you’re feeling something then you’re feeling it. We all have our struggles to deal with. I know I have a great life in lots of ways. Doesn’t stop me from getting stuck in bed crying 🤷 The joys of the human brain! 
1 Like
Yeah. That’s something we talked a lot about in the hospital was like how if you’re feeling something, it’s valid and you have every right to feel how you feel. It’s just hard to accept that I feel sucky for no reason sometimes.
And yes, the human brain is so much fun. Like oof.
1 Like
It is very hard to accept. But that’s the thing to strive for. This was the topic of my meditation this morning. The technique (i.e. observing what’s there and accepting it) is more important than some outcome you perceive you should be getting from it. I notice that when I get into negative thought spirals it is because I am thinking too much about the past or some made up idea of what things should look like.
This is why we take it one day at a time I guess!
2 Likes
Yeah. I’ve done those, but it really doesn’t work for me. Yep. One day is a lot though. Honestly, at this point, i have to take it like one minute at a time. Sometimes I can do one hour lol.
So I got woken up by my dad, almost threw up, and
was told that I need to walk my dog, which I forgot to do. I now have to wake up a dog to walk for three minutes and then get him to go back to sleep.
Then my dog kept going back upstairs, a true sign of a dog that desperately needs to go out.
It’s just that this was the one day I actually went to bed early. I always think about it, and the one day I do the right thing, it’s taken away from me. I lost at least an hour of sleep. Plus, my dad was there when I went upstairs. I told him I was going to bed. He couldn’t have just asked me then? No, he had to fucking wake me up to take out a dog that didn’t wanna go out. Whatever. We all know I’m worthless. If I had remembered my place, I wouldn’t be hurt rn. It’s my own fault.
Ah yea sorry I wasn’t trying to recommend meditation (if I remember you have the breathing app that works better for you?) - my point was trying to shift mindset in general life to one of acceptance of how things are right now. When we put pressure on ourselves to be how we think we should be, especially when we’re feeling depressed… Well I’m sure I don’t need to tell you how that works out.
A minute at a time is just fine too. And an hour sounds like a win! 
That SUCKS being woken up, especially when you got to bed early. But it doesn’t make you worthless. Sounds like your parents just don’t understand how to support you.
What type of dog have you got? I love dogs!
Oh ok, yeah, I do. Good memory! Yep. Always turns out bad.
Lol yep. An hour would be amazing.
Yes, exactly. Plus, I’m always tired, so I needed that extra sleep. No, I’ve told them many times what I need and they either take it as an insult, tell me I don’t really need that and it’s stupid, or just ignore it. Like it’s not a lack of communication on my end. I’m just trying to get a job so I can move out sooner rather than later.
I’ve actually been doing better lately. I still super hate how I look and feel and yeah. But it’s not been as much on the top of my mind recently.
I’m also gonna be starting to write all that I eat, cause I stopped for the holidays. But I’mma get back to it so I can get back on track. Plus, since I’m not able to exercise much, I really have to be way more careful about not eating too much. But yeah. Trying to lose weight but in a healthy, sustainable way that won’t mess me up emotionally.
1 Like
I saw your profile pic and this thread title and thought “It’s been so long!”. So glad to hear you’re doing better! Keep it up
1 Like
Yeah, it has been. It’s crazy. And thanks.
Does he not remember at three am me being awake and talking about having awful reflux? Cause I couldn’t fall asleep for two hours cause of it and then he tried to get me to fucking wake up at like 8 and it’s like dude, just shut up I’m not in school, so stop.
Also they didn’t tell us last night they were gonna be assholes. If they did, I would have gotten myself up and just took a nap at like noon.
And now I’m crying cause I’m so tired and cause I hate them. This week had been mostly ok but now it’s kinda sucking. Plus my dad came in my room which I fucking hate. Cause I don’t wear a bra to bed and he creeps me out and he’s a douche and I hate him and I just wanna fucking slap them both cause they’re so stupid.
How frustrating! And like we’ve said before tiredness makes everything feel even worse 
A food diary is a good idea to keep on the right track health wise. Do you do much cooking at home or do you eat with your family?
When are you back at school after the holidays?
Okay well one thing you probably really need to do is to learn to stop viewing yourself based on other people’s opinions. I know it’s hard but it’s important to rely on inner self confidence not others opinions…
1 Like