Not really. Crying, leaving class, using frozen washcloths. Not much. Hating myself some lol.
Yeah, it’s poopy. Mine is self harm. No, what is the dry drunk syndrome? Hmm. Interesting. That actually makes so much sense.
For me, it’s mostly cause of my anxiety, depression, suicidality, sensory overwhelm, etc. Also cause of my ballooning self hatred. I got really distracted by all of that and cutting helped me focus more. And my mental health stuff is getting so much worse. Not the depression, but the other stuff lol.
Not doing too hot. Crying. Realizing idk if il ever have a normal sex life. I know, tmi, but yeah. Warning you now, I’m about to talk about sex some.
I can’t touch myself withought having flashbacks or crying or whatever. I feel like I’ll never be normal. Cause even before the jerkbutts and the assault I considered myself grey asexual. Like mostly not interested. And now the idea makes me want to throw up. And I feel like I’m so weird. Cause I’m scared. And I feel so alone and just idk.
Am I going to be like this forever? Can I just be abstinent forever? Anyone here done that?
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being abstinent if that’s what you chose. If you want a little more then give yourself time and discover yourself again. Be patient with yourself.
If doing something hurts you (emotionally or physically) then avoid it. It’s your body/mind’s way of saying dont do this. I’ve kept up harmful behavior in the past to try and make myself feel more normal or to see if I could do it normally yet…and it did nothing but feed my negative thoughts, emotions, etc. We change and grow everyday. You’ll never be today’s you again because there will never be another today. I recently read through this entire thread you started and I’m moved by how much you’ve changed. Keep up the hard work because it is paying off and will continue to pay off.
I know what you mean. There have been times in my life where the cravings were not as often. And yes, there were a lot of good behaviors I was incorporating in my life.
Trying to work on that but it’s a process.
However, this period has given me the opportunity to strengthen my boundaries, and to reach out for help, and to not crave alone. Tools that I now have that I didn’t before and were keys to relapse prevention.
I mean, for me, it got kind of old to get 6 months of sobriety only to lose it because I didn’t know how to handle those moments of unclarity that inevitably come sooner or later in our lives.
Feeling alone. Had some flashbacks this week. Hating myself. This is about to become TMI
TMI:
Every time I masturbate I hate myself and want to throw up after. But I’m also human and have needs and shit. So it’s really frustrating. It also gives me flashbacks, but again I’m a human with needs. It’s mad annoying. Ughhhh
I have had similar experiences. Having this love/hate relationship with my behaviours.
At this moment, all I can share is that we’re all on a journey towards progress rather than perfection.
You are doing so well now. And as you grow towards progress, you’ll gain a better understanding of love and your needs for it. I know that I just want to have all the answers now, but it’s just not that quick and easy. Keep working on yourself, and more understanding will come to you as you progress. And it will be totally worth it.
Hello Kaki! I feel the same way, I dont want to throw up but I feel bad with myself because I am a religious person, but just lik you said, you are a human with needs.
Yeah. It’s true.
Thank you! Youre right lol. I wish I had all the answers in a book and if I had a question, I could take a peek and figure out what to do lol.
Oof yeah. I’m not super religious, but just society in general pushes this narrative that sex is bad so that on top of trauma it rough. It’s true, but it’s so awkward. It’s such an awkward topic. This is literally the first time I’ve talked about it in that much detail lol.
M fat. I already know. And I’m trying to stop it. My mom got really upset when I asked for chicken fingers and crab rangoons. She kept saying how unhealthy it is. And I know what she was trying to say. She was clearly trying to say I was too fat for it. I know it’s so stupid. But it makes me want to cut or stop eating, but I can’t. I physically can’t. And that makes me hate myself even more. So I’m not doing great. Im so fat and I want to fuckijg punch or scratch or cut or starve or something. I just want to do something and I can’t. I hate it. I hate me.
I’m really not doing well. I wanna stop eating again. I figure if my eating is gonna be disordered no matter what, why not have it go in the direction of being pretty?
I know that sounds so stupid. But I can’t help it. I can’t make my brain work right.
Heyyy it’s ok mate. You are making great progress. It’s so easy to get caught up in what’s left to do and forget about everything we’ve done.
Getting healthy is a process and it takes time. I know that doesn’t help right now but you can totally do it. Sometimes that can mean cutting back on the foods we crave… But it can also mean adding in food that is more nutritious and delicious! Is there anything whole food/plant based that you’ve tried recently? Or anything you would like to?
It’s okay to tell us how you feel and what you think. One of the most helpful experiences I’ve had was listening to another alcoholic in an AA meeting talk about the crazy thoughts that just popped into his head. And I had the exact. same. thoughts. It made me feel less weird, more human and acceptable to hear him share that.
I found that working with a shrink, a counselor, was an excellent way to help me get my thoughts ordered and to make sense of my reactions to life. Maybe such an experience could help you, too.
Blessings on your head, and lights to shine on the path your feet are following.
No, it does. It’s good to hear people acknowledge it. True. Not really. I have my old favorites- peaches and bell peppers and hummus. Idk. Im like pmsing rn. It’s really fun cause I’m probably not gonna get my period for like another month so I get to pms for like a month straight. And I get awful cravings. So yeah. Not doing awesome on eating healthy.
I’m so sick. I’m super congested, have ear and throat pain, a cough, and now also chest pain. The doctor said I had an ear infection that was probably viral but prescribed antibiotics, so idk if I trust him lol.
Also I can’t swallow the pills cause even in eighths they’re bigger than I can swallow. Look at the tip of your finger to your first knuckle. That’s about the length and the width is probably as wide as your finger nail.
I just keep wanting to punch myself. And I keep getting really sad after sex stuff. It’s so stupid. Also I’m like dying coughing. To the point where I cough up phlegm and can’t breathe cause it’s blocking my airway and almost throw up. I’m madannoyed lol
but you can totally do it. Sometimes that can mean cutting back on the foods we crave… But it can also mean adding in food that is more nutritious and delicious! Is there anything whole food/plant based that you’ve tried recently? Or anything you would like to?
