Aww, that stinks. Any idea why?
Yeah. It was better than I thought lol. Headaches were bad, but everything else was alright lolš
She has not apologized, but my parents will talk to her about it this weekend and my dad has been thinking of getting me an alarm for my door. Well see
Just realised I never sent that lol
Dyed my hair. Didnāt have enough dye, so only like half my head is covered lol.
Ah Iām so glad things have been mainly going well! Your hair looks awesome. I dyed my hair red a couple of months ago. Red hair club 
Yeah, generally good lol. Stuffs been fairly ok. Still been struggling, but more so with anger issues than anything else lol.
Yeah, reddies! Thanks. Iām going to redye the bad part of it lol.
Been taking Wellbutrin because of how tired I always am. I donāt think itās helping lol. Fell asleep constantly on the way to work. Kinda terrifying lol.
How long have you been taking it? It usually takes 4-6 weeks for maximum effect. Give it time. And if it doesnāt seem to help ask your doctor if you can increase it.
Like 2 weeks, maybe 3. yeah, true. I hate taking medications, so hopefully itāll start working and be worth it.
Why do people always want to surprise you? I hate it. Why canāt they just ask if itās something you want? Then they donāt have to spend $200 on something thatās worthless to you.
My mom bought me an erg (rowing machine). I havenāt rowed in like a year and a half. And my gym has three nice ergs. She bought one crappy one. It makes this awful noise and she knows Iām bad with noise. Why couldnāt they just friggin ask if thatās what I wanted? Why couldnāt they just get the gift I kept bringing up and mentioning and sending links to. I hate Christmas. And my momās hurt that I donāt like it. I literally kept bringing it up and sent them a link to it. It was $20. Why couldnāt they just get that? I didnāt want anything other than those earbuds. That was it. Why wonāt people accept I donāt want anything and give me little cute things if they want to give me more?
Why am I such an ungrateful asshole? Itās a sweet gesture.
But Iām also mad. Like why not just ask? They know Iām not good at change or that I go to a gym and if I donāt itās cause Iām too tired, not cause its not at home.
Ah itās frustrating when people waste money on things. Especially when all you want is very affordable.
Like you say, itās a gesture just not a well thought out one. When youāre more chill about it, why not just have a chat with your mum (if you havenāt already)ā¦ Something like, sorry about how I reacted, I am grateful for the gesture, but really all I want is these earbuds and I donāt want to waste your money. Can we return the machine, and swap for the earbuds?
Nvm the bits you feel like they should get for now, I get that itās frustrating that they clearly donāt get it, but having an argument about that probably wonāt change anything?
Lol yep. Haha.
I did talk to her. And she felt really bad. She also wants to work out on it, so I donāt think itāll be returned. Plus, she had bought it second hand. So I donāt think itās possible to return.
Yeah, we didnāt really argue. I just felt super bad. I still feel mad bad lol.
Hey yāall! In DC rn. Iām mad excited. But also, I have been having flashbacks and whatnot lol. Itās fun haha. Ah well.
Idk why. Been falling into a pit of self hatred recently.
BEWARE!!: This next part has explicit words about the female body.
Also, I have this pms symptom. Itās quite awful and no one has understood me when I try to explain it. If any of yāall have experienced it, any advice or even vocab to describe it would be so appreciated.
Itās roughly this:
I hate boobs. I hate having boobs. I was on the plane and felt them bouncing and wanted to chop them off. Itās not that they hurt. They donāt swell. I donāt want to be a boy. I donāt think. I get really down on myself and introverted and depressed. Itās just bad. I want to chop off my breasts. Plust it reminds me Iām a girl and reminds me I was assaulted. I also have very sensitive nipples and the first abuser constantly touched them. And so especially when on my period, if anything touches them or I move weird, I get flashbacks. So I think part of it is PTSD. But a bunch of it is pms stuffs. Idk. Ughhhhh.
Iām having flashbacks. It really stinks. Ughhh
Having really bad flashbacks and emotions and idk. Feeling awful. Crying and ahhhh.
Crying, flashing back, feeling guilty and blaming myself. Is stupid. Waiting for the online assault survivor chat.
Yeah. But cause of the holidays, I canāt see my therapists for another week and a half.
Talked to the assault hotline and it was really helpful. Still not feeling great, but getting there.
