Been having worse tactile issues. Idk. Sometimes I’ll feel like there are bugs crawling all over me or just get really itchy and it’s physically uncomfortable. I end up scratching it and it’s getting to the point where it’s causing redness and stuff from itching so much. Idk. It’s weird.
It’s annoying cause it doesn’t feel like self harm, but also it could become harmful. Idk. Oof.
I was having trauma stuff pop up and idk. I’m super tired from crying so much, so I’m going to bed. Idk. Plus I’m realizing I’m not over it yet. I thought it was done and I was fine again, but nope. Fun.
Sleep well and hope things look a little brighter in the morning 
Thank you💜
They are.
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I did my in lab sleep study!!! Waiting for like 2 weeks and I’ll find out what it says!!!
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Ooh cool. How did it go? In terms of the experience, rather than the results!
Idk how much I’ve said on here and it’s 5 am and I’m out of it so I’m going to be brief.
I broke up with my boyfriend because he wasn’t communicating or talking much. And I love him so much. But it was clear he didn’t love me that much. Cause when you love someone, you make time for them.
And now I feel completely unlovable and worthless and I just want to die. I feel like I don’t even deserve love or happiness.
I’m falling into old ways. I used to tell myself as much as I could how worthless I was cause then it wouldn’t hurt when people treated me badly. And that’s happening again.
It was okay. Really stressful though.
I also ended up being really crappy and self deprecating to someone I care about tonight and they got really annoyed at me and I just feel even more crappy because this has happened before. I keep pushing away people I care about. And it feels awful.
Doing a bit better. Waiting on sleep study results. We’ll see. I also got bug bites all over me yesterday, which is a goshdarn oof.
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This may be TMI.
TW- talking about sex and maybe some bad experiences with it
Literally every time after I “self serve” I start crying. And idk why. Idk if it’s from only having bad experiences or from social pressure making me feel gross. Idk what’s wrong with me. And I can’t stop crying.
I’m so stressed. I’m behind in my class. I can’t sleep cause I’m so stressed. I’m sad and lonely. And idk. It’s hard. I’m also really tired. And my headaches are worse and my eyes are stinging when I’m crying and idk why. I’m sad. So yeah.
Got a blood draw today and omg the phlebotomist was amazing! Only took her one try, and the least pain I’ve ever experienced for a draw. And no pain when taking the needle out. She was amazing and she even made sure to take a note in my chart to tell anyone doing it next which vein was good and how much anxiety I get and how it tends to hurt extra for me.
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Hey! That’s great. What’s the blood test for?
I’m here for you. Just wanted to let you know.
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Thank you.
A1C, lipids, Vitamin D and Iron. To see if any of those maybe causing my fatigue. Turns out my Vitamin D was still low. It’s double what it was before though, which is good. I haven’t gotten my iron levels back yet, so we’ll see. Also my A1C was normal, so no diabetes. Shocker lol😆. My lipids were high, so I need to work on that. I wanted to go to my gym, but I can’t reserve a time because I’m 18 and have a “teen membership”. So yeah. Working on that rn.
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Question: Does anyone else ever feel like they’re running on adrenaline? I know it’s not physically possible, but…
It’s like the only reason I can do anything is from the stress that I’m in. And if I didn’t have the stress, I wouldn’t be able to stay awake. Aaaannnd now I’m crying lol. It’s just really frustrating.
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TW: I will mention suicidal ideation and self harm
Struggled really bad today. I’m too tired to talk now, but it was really hard and it’s been a hard few days both mentally and physically. I felt really out of control and worthless. But my best friend is amazing and so supportive and I love her so much. I had a problem with my mom and wanted to die or at least hurt myself really bad. Thankfully I didn’t. Pretty much the only reason was not to have to start at day 1 again.
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