I have just discovered this forum and I would love to hear your stories and maybe receive some tips. i have been sober on/off for years now but I always seem to relapse. I am not a bad drunk around my family or my friends, I only seem to lash out on my romantic partners.
I am a 36 female, I have a good job, a good life, loving friends. I have never been married nor I have I got children.
My partner left me after I constantly used to get super emotional and unstable when I was drunk. Not a lot of people know I drink regularly and I am too ashamed to admit it. I have been working from home for the past 2 years and recently only started an office-based job.
Whilst working from home I would sometimes start drinking in around 11am- having 2 bottles of Prosecco every day.
My ex-partner and I didnt live together but I would start having a go at him out of nowhere via text, often not even remembering what I’ve said to him.
Has anyone had similar experiences?
Thank you for reading!!
Hi lady welcome here
My name is Claudia and I am addicted to alcohol as well. Sober for more then 3 years now with the help of this app and the people in it.
Recognize your story a bit. I was a home alone drinker. Only my partner and kids knew about how much and often I drank.
One day I had enough of it.
Stories and tips are plenty to find here! Use the magnifying glass above to find all the old and new treads you wanna read. It’s a filled treasurebox! Pick out what you need!
And sure I had black outs like you describe. It felt horrible to discover I’ve said and done stuff I can’t remember. Ore even had sex with my partner and no recollection of it
Glad I’ve done with that!
You can do that too!!
Stick around and start to read and work your recovery!!
Its okay to fail . At least you are trying. You have two choices it’s either go back to your old life or work towards a new and better life. It takes commitment
thank you Claudia and Dan for your responses. It is super hard cos I do want it so much but then when I have a bad day I get the urge to drink my sorrows away.
I need to find something that keeps me off the booze. I used to be quite sporty but have stopped being 2 years ago.
Has anyone else failed numerous times?
you need to understand that alcohol does nothing to help with your struggles- all it does is it takes away the consciousness of them momentarily, at a high price. the worry and pain come back worse the next day. plus you have the additional damage of hurting your partner, being a drunk arsehole (from what it sounds like, no offence, I’ve been there) and feeling guilty about that. alcohol DOES NOT help you. it’s a false association made in your mind that it does. you have this false association because of how alcohol works on your mind and brain initially (numbing, elating, glee - that’s why its addcitive, right? it feels good!). but it’s a lie. alcohol does NOTHING to help with your pain and struggles.
acutally, nothing really does. painful and worrysome feelings are something we must learn to tolerate to a certain extent. soothe yourself in non-addictive ways by caring for your body (nice bath, good food, workout), soul (chat with a friend, go to church) and mind (read some poetry, listen to music, whatever kinda person you are). these things make you feel better in a sustaining way, they are good for you. but they will not make the feelings disappear. because these feelings are there for a reason.
second suggestion: address the reasons for your pain and struggles. whether it’s childhood trauma, later trauma, bad experiences, an ailment, loss, abuse or whatever, start tending to the reasons of why you are unhappy, why you need to escape your life in the first place. I personally do intensive psychotherapy. I would not be where I am (coming up on three years) without it, and probably not alive anymore. my fav sobriety saying is: “Build a life you don’t feel the need to escape from.” For me that meant facing my serious depression and anxiety. I still have them, I still struggle, sober life is not all of a sudden all sunshine. but it’s the life that is actually ours, not some numbed out freaky version where we run from our bullshit and torture others with our own pain.
you can do it. I know because I could.
attaching some resources that have helped many many ppl.
I am 3 and a bit years sober, i definitely used to get black out drunk and take it out verbally on my partner. I dont really remeber but i know i was vile. She left me and moved on, i was devastated but it gave me the rock bottom platform to seek help and start getting better.
I am much much better and nicer as my sober self. Definitely exercise and focusing on my physical well being and looks did help.
Also a home worker which can be really lonely. Id say make sure you are getting out for fresh air as that cabin fever will play horrible tricks on you.
I really hope you get better, you seem like you have all of the tools so i know you can do it!
For two years of working from home did us all damage as a society and drinking just made it worse. I agree with all the posters and their tips. It reminds me of the quote, are used to drink to drown my sorrows until I found out they could swim! Hang in there it gets better every day
I felt a few times. My recovery started 11 years ago. It started with moderation but that didn’t work. Then I quit for a few days, then a few weeks, then for a few months. It was hard to get pass the 3 months milestone, atleast for me. But hard work pays out and suddenly it stuck and I stayed sober for 5 years.
Then thougt I was cured.
Bad idea.
Came here after more then a year of drinking because it went out of control again.
I’m in control now, because I do not drink.
If I drink the alcohol is in control.
Who wants that?
I’m not that’s for sure!
Hello everyone, I am overwhelmed with gratefulness with all the responses I have received so far. THANK YOU. I mean it from the bottom of my heart.
I am in intensive psychotherapy but its my discipline that is lacking. I am trying to be as honest as I can cos I don’t want to make excuses anymore.
Ive been reading quite a lot of sobriety literature (favourite one is “The joy of being sober”) and I know I have the tools but I still struggle. I sometimes think I am making excuses for myself - “Oh I had a bad day, surely if I turn my phone off and get myself some nice Prosecco I’ll be fine”. It hasn’t served me well.
I am glad that I am here now and I met people who are empathic but also call a spade a spade.
I still think alcoholism has this stigma attached to it- and I genuinely believe cos most people don’t fit the “stereotype” (ie high functioning alcoholic for instance who seems to have everything together).
I will try and engage as much as possible on here, I already feel more understood than in the past months.
And while boredome is seen as an “excuse” to drink…let’s face it…how many of us did boredome kill our sobriety…especially in the beginning! There is so much on here, a person could spend weeks keeping busy
I used to drink heavily until I got into drugs. I felt like the alcohol “interfered” with the quality of the high. I’ve used a variety of opiods, benzos, some stimulants, etc. I was fun when I drank until I wasn’t–and that was generally toward people who were close to me. I was a lot “nicer” on drugs, for whatever that counted for. For years my life was a rollercoaster of starting and failing. Over and over. But I just kept at it and over time I got myself off of this thing and that.
My primary suggestion for you is to focus on your thoughts. That’s where it starts. You start thinking about drinking, you start rationalizing it. And that doesn’t even count for the thoughts that slip by you unnoticed. These thoughts fuel your emotions–desire, craving, and whatever feelings you might want to escape from.
Your thoughts and feelings inevitably create your actions. The world is built on cause and effect. You think and feel, then act on those thoughts and feelings. It’s a lot easier to do something when you work on the level of causality.
I hope you will stick around and make good use of this forum on your sobriety journey. You can do it. As long as you keep trying, and continue working on yourself and your goals, you will get there.
Hi. I was on at LEAST a litre of wine a day, up until about 10 days ago.
If you’ll forgive me for being repetitive (in terms of other posts on this board), I suggest that you look for the “stop drinking” book (or words to that effect) by Allen Carr. It’s not a long book and it certainly isn’t expensive (about €7 or 8 to download from Amazon, as I recall), but - in my own case - I have found it to be really useful.
One of the things that it clearly lays out, is the fact that NOT drinking doesn’t mean depriving yourself of anything, but rather freeing yourself from the years of BS and propaganda with which we have all been bombarded from all sides… alcohol companies, advertisers, and even friends and family.
I also suggest that you check in here regularly. I had reached 9 months of sobriety, when I sort of “fell off” from checking in here, and in short order, I was back to old habits.
So, I read the book again, I signed back on here (though with a different username), and I’m back to - only - about 11.5 days… but back on the RIGHT track.
You can do it, we all can.
Thank you for all the replies! and the tips. I relapsed two days in. Spend my day today being sick and fighting off a terrible headache. My brother and his wife are coming to stay with me and I actively asked him to encourage me not to drink. I feel ashamed
Thank you so so much for saying this. i feel embarrassed cos I made the conscious effort to come on here and then I read all those amazing stories and I feel like I should be able to do it. I just wonder if it will be possible for me not to drink. I will keep trying and was also thinking g of maybe going to an AA meeting. Have you got any experience with that?
Personally, I’m not the “meeting type”… that being said, I do like coming onto this forum and chatting with people.
If you don’t mind spending a few €/$, you might want to have a look at that book that I suggested.
There isn’t only ONE way to get past this habit.
Just a thought…
For me, group therapy is a big part of my ability to be sober. It helps me to connect with people who are facing similar challenges, and that person-to-person connection (in a meeting where people are sharing verbally, whether it’s in person or online) - that makes a big difference; that human connection makes a big difference.
There are options for finding meetings. I’d suggest checking this out:
There’s a good list of meetings here too - SMART recovery has a slightly different meeting format but the same basic mission:
The best way to start is with taking a step. That’s all you can ever do in life, and all you need to do: take the next helpful step.
Your next helpful step is to get yourself to a meeting and go in the door. It’s normal to be nervous - that’s fine. Have a seat, find somewhere; often there are people there already and you’ll find they are friendly and welcoming. Just listen and you’ll hear peoples stories and learning, and it will help you find your path.
