I have two tips for you:
you need to understand that alcohol does nothing to help with your struggles- all it does is it takes away the consciousness of them momentarily, at a high price. the worry and pain come back worse the next day. plus you have the additional damage of hurting your partner, being a drunk arsehole (from what it sounds like, no offence, I’ve been there) and feeling guilty about that. alcohol DOES NOT help you. it’s a false association made in your mind that it does. you have this false association because of how alcohol works on your mind and brain initially (numbing, elating, glee - that’s why its addcitive, right? it feels good!). but it’s a lie. alcohol does NOTHING to help with your pain and struggles.
acutally, nothing really does. painful and worrysome feelings are something we must learn to tolerate to a certain extent. soothe yourself in non-addictive ways by caring for your body (nice bath, good food, workout), soul (chat with a friend, go to church) and mind (read some poetry, listen to music, whatever kinda person you are). these things make you feel better in a sustaining way, they are good for you. but they will not make the feelings disappear. because these feelings are there for a reason.
second suggestion: address the reasons for your pain and struggles. whether it’s childhood trauma, later trauma, bad experiences, an ailment, loss, abuse or whatever, start tending to the reasons of why you are unhappy, why you need to escape your life in the first place. I personally do intensive psychotherapy. I would not be where I am (coming up on three years) without it, and probably not alive anymore. my fav sobriety saying is: “Build a life you don’t feel the need to escape from.” For me that meant facing my serious depression and anxiety. I still have them, I still struggle, sober life is not all of a sudden all sunshine. but it’s the life that is actually ours, not some numbed out freaky version where we run from our bullshit and torture others with our own pain.
you can do it. I know because I could.
attaching some resources that have helped many many ppl.
Resources for our recovery
Advice for the Newcomer and Constant Relapser