Amen @lizak. Thank you. I can see clearly see God moving in my life. Yeah, it’s been a tough journey. But God does indeed provide me tools to handle each day. And he uses all of you to bring me strength and knowledge.
And @lizak, I cannot imagine anyone going through all that you’ve been through. Yet here you are, providing support and wisdom to those just starting their journey. I bet you never would have thought a year ago, that God would be placing you in such a position where he would be using your experience, strength, and hope to minister to other addicts; offering direction to many that find this process very new and unfamiliar. God bless you, @lizak. You’re an inspiration,and I’m glad you joined us.
@KevinesKay, This is the last place I would have ever dreamed of being, when I got here I was not looking for this site. In fact I had no idea what it was, I stumbled across it by accident. But I’m very grateful for this experience here with these great people. Here at this wonderful site, and very humbled to be here. Thank you, and more than willing and very happy to help, anybody that is wanting help. In fact I think I know a guy that could possibly use this post! Bless you.
Hi @OnePercentBetter, sorry to hear about your setback. It’s okay. Try again. You know I’m married so abstaining from sex from my wife is not something that she would appreciate. There have been periods in our marriage when I avoided sex with her for a few months in a row. Sexually anorexic, not always healthy, I know. Not good for me to take it again to that level.
But I do understand how challenging it can be to refrain from MB for a significant amount of time. When I first met my wife, I was abstinent from MB and celibate for over a year. I chose to, and for over 20 years, I couldn’t abstain from fapping for longer than a month.
It really helped me not to think of this period as a no-fap challenge, but an opportunity to manage my life and feelings in different ways. I realized that having a super positive attitude was so important. And I needed a lot of support. I shared my intentions with my friends in my 12 step group, and I shared a plan of how I would approach each night. Bedtime and waking up in the morning were real triggers for me. If I was going to abstain from MB, I needed a plan for those times. So I ensured that I spent time before bedtime and after waking up doing good things for myself. Playing my guitar, praying to God, making sure I called someone that day. Take control of my life. Minimize any resentments, and enjoy life. I know my addict inside me was going to fight this, but it was important to ensure myself gently that I was going to be alright. Life is good.
This is not an easy undertaking. And oftentimes, fapping will not be avoidable until we address other areas in our life. For me, I had to learn self-love, make friends, develop more hobbies, spend more time with God, avoid unhealthy triggers like certain movies, music, and websites, and think a lot more positively. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have stood a chance.
Hey @Mounir. Awesome work on the 4 days. I can totally relate to the masturbation in the middle of the night problem. One thing I want to encourage you with, if you wind up masturbating, give yourself credit for avoiding pornography. That’s very important. If masturbation is something you’re ready to take on now, at least maintain two sobriety dates; one for P, another for MB.
I MBed myself to sleep almost daily for over 20 years. That did not go away overnight. And I often masturbated in the middle of the night when I was half asleep. After so many years, it was bound to happen. Practicing rituals before bedtime and after I woke up were beneficial. I would play my guitar and sing to God. Pray for a good night’s sleep. Wear comfortable clothes and sleep on my back. And then get up in the morning with a thankful and positive attitude. Positive attitude is so important. Be nice to yourself. And if I masturbated, I would get up, clean myself up, and play my guitar and sing some more, and pray some more again. Then I go back to sleep, and STAY POSITIVE. Hey, I’m addicted. MB wasn’t just going to zap away. But if it happened, it doesn’t mean that I have to do it again, and if I start, it doesn’t mean I have to continue to orgasm. And it doesn’t mean I have to use porn. And it doesn’t mean I have to beat myself up over it. Baby steps, man. Be good to yourself. And you stand a better chance. So what if you MBed in the middle of the night and have to reset. It is what it is. Just keep going. Keep it up, and you’ll get through this. So far, you’re doing great.
@KevinesKay. Thanks so much for posting this! I’m also a sex addict and have been in recovery almost 7 years. I lurk on this site for strength, hope, and experience, but never post cause i thought i was the only one. Fapping is in my middle circle but ive been avoiding it cause it’s too triggering. Ive got almost 6 months clean from sex outside my marriage tho.
