I know you like this sort of thing so I wrote it just for you my friend 
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Glad to see you. Sorry to hear about your struggles. Rooting for you.
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!!!
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Hey there! Great to be in touch again
Have a good one and thnx.
Bless
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Today it’s gonna be pink
Today we went to the hospital in Dordrecht, South Holland, The Netherlands.
The original plaster, black, with the reason that I was also in a pretty black period, is gone. Sawing off a complete plaster arm with a Dremel seems scarier than it is, but in the end it itch a bit and I could actually laugh about it. The plastic surgeon looked at the nerve function of the damaged nerve and tendon. I got a new cast because it makes the PC heal better and the nerve damage in my hand is difficult to repair and in most cases never 100% and almost always in cases like mine not. This means the loss of feeling and part of my hand, but this is not very serious, actually I want to go with all of them. Then back to the plaster room. And as promised, the color of the day is pink. I was referred to a physiotherapist and will have to do a lot of exercises, but the wound I could finally see was smaller than I thought. A square of 4 by 3 cm about… The stitches are out and I now have a removable plaster and that’s nice just two weeks stinking like an otter I can wash my left armpit in a decent way again 
and that’s it again one day further in the trajectory of being sober and I am proud of myself with the things I see, the things I experience, and the things in which I make steps forward and can see that I have found a piece of peace that I had previously never got to know my life.
Below I will share the graphical part of the post with you, don’t worry, it’s all not too bad. We are moving forward in good spirits to the next operation and I will keep you all informed. My day is good and I hope yours is too.
With love and God bless.
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While I’m actually still very disappointed with my opioid relapse, I think I can be quite proud of the rest of my stats. It is not easy for a while and the future is uncertain, but one thing is clear, there is no future in life that is not sober.
Experiences from the past, today’s catchphrases, currently my pores are sweating… I’m not omniscient, still forgetting what it means when you count on speaking the lies that hide in preaching being under the influence and distorting the truth .
I feel strong, and lacking nothing I am becoming less and less pale. It’s a beautiful day of and an even more beautiful week.
Ervaringen uit het verleden spreken de slogans van vandaag, momenteel zwetend uit mijn poriën… Ik ben niet alwetend,
nog steeds niet vergetend wat het betekent als je erop rekent om de leugens te blijven spreken die schuilgaan in de preken van onder invloed zijn en de waarheid verdraaien, narigheden zaaidende belevenissen te kweken en zonder geweten het opkomende goeds aldoor maar weg…maaide.
Ik voel me sterk, word steeds minder bleek. Het is een mooie dag van en een nog mooiere week.
WooooopWhoooop
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Please do Sweet❤️
Just got news that a job awaits as soon as im back. Before and after next surgery… He wants ME!!!
BIG UP IN MY PARTICIPATION ISSUES.
the fact I will be in revalidation Soon didnt matter.
Blessed
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That’s great news Joost! Congratulations! 
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Yay! That’s great news! I’m happy for you.
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Thnx and rising i am… But my head head is struck by An immens pool of emotion, greeve and rats of sunlight that glimmer thrue litteraly jours and jours of crying… the well seems endless. Even now i cry and then i know , and than i dont know why…
Nor good, nor bad… Im stick in a look imbo of tears that remind me of so much pain and i Just can’t stop it. I finaly AM crawling up out of depression but IT seems endless… I know it’s good that i cry, am not in harms way…
But the recognition of what’s inside is overwhelming… deeper then a universe
@Girlinterrupted @SoberWalker @mno @Lisa07 … Any wisdom?
No emergencie but Just the Gravity of it? Any feedback would be most welcome
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I go through periods of crying both good and bad. More so in the early days of sobriety but I still have them now just not as much. I think it’s normal but then again I’m no doctor so it could be depression. You’ve got a lot going on health wise which could be the cause. I find it helps when I post about it or talk about it.
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Its the recognition, acceptance and a shit load of greeve while really good things are starting… I Get scared of help and Fortune
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No wisdom here Joost, just a recognition and an acknowledgement of what you’re going through. You’ve been to hell and back and then some. And you numbed yourself with some hardcore dope. You got a lot to process. This is one way of processing it. It’s OK. Indeed keep talking and keep looking for and using support. Again, don’t go it alone.
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remove the E, E stands for ego and what are you left with, motions. Sometimes we just have to ride em, ups and downs and it feels like we’re going round and round but motions slow down and level out unless they get momentum so stop pushing against it and just go with the flow. We are not our Ego - motions we are just passing through.
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It started when my godmother called and started about my father… It had been years since spoke out that word… Father… Decades…
Then she showed me a childs printbook.
Getting help does not mean giving up… It means refusing to
What’s the thing you ever said wherefore you needed the most curage, asked the boy.
help said the horse
When were you at your strongest in LIFE asked the boy.
The moment that i got the heart to show my Wellness…
Guess for today that makes the circle round again
Will (c)(t)ry to get some zzzzz’s .
Thnx ya’ll
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that’s the boy the mole the fox and the horse, lovely little book it is too everyone should have a copy.
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Ik heb t boek ook. Die van het vragen om help heb ik in de mental health memes gepost een jaar geleden. .Hug vriend. Goedenacht.
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Great book. I have it thanks to @Dolse71 . He’s right , everyone should have a copy. I hope it helps you
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Joost, you have a very heavy load of stress on you. Your health issues have been relentless, but you need to give yourself some credit. It has been so far from easy, but you never give up.
I don’t talk about it much on here, if ever that I can recall. My best friend had all four limbs amputated below the elbows/knees on November 1, 2017. It was due to medical malpractice. I remember dropping to my knees begging God to not take her as we didn’t know if she was going to make it.
It’s been a long 4 years. There have been many ups and downs. I often wonder how she manages. Before this (I’m getting a wee bit emotional talking about this) she worked her ass off at two jobs, not because she had to, but because she enjoyed it and loves being around people. Overnight her life changed.
I spent hours at the hospital everyday for months and months and then at the rehab. I was there when she walked on her legs for the first time and there when she refused (and still refuses) to wear her damn arms. Bitch can eat a single frito with her nubs though, she is something else!
Since I don’t have experience with what you’re going through personally, I’m going to lean on what my friend did and does. She has an incredible sense of humor. She truly cares for others and tends to try to be a friend and of service to those she loves. I tend to do it as well, it takes the focus off of your sadness for just a moment while feeling good that you were able to help someone else. Of course she has really bad days, but as time goes on, the good days punch the bad days in the face.
I watched her get through this and I know you can do it too. One day it’s going to be behind you and just a memory of something that made you stronger! You’re going to kick this in the ass like you always do xo.
Hang in there. Write here a lot. Get it all off your chest. We are going to be right there beside you dear friend. You’ve got this!!
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