Welcome. You’ve made the best decision to tackle your addiction. Recovery is a tough journey but also so very rewarding. There’s so much healing and freedom to be found.
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Healing and freedom are a huge pay off. I never, ever, ever have to worry about what my wife might find out about me, what’s on my devices, or what I’ve done. Also, I don’t drown in anxiety, depression, or guilt - which are all hemorrhaging at full blast during a relapse, so relapsing is less appealing which means cravings go away. I’m about 4 months in now, and I literally can’t believe how good things have been going in those four months. In the beginning I imagined I’d just spend the rest of my life distracted by schemes and paralyzed by cravings, but it’s apparent that those circuits are dying, it’s quickly becoming a thing of the past, and every day I have a harder time understanding how I let it get as bad as it did in the first place. You might not realize it but you’re really close to living some of the best times of your life unconstrained and actually feeling that healing process. Every breath I take now is on the other side of the fence, out of the woods, out of the desert, and on the right track. I didn’t believe these stories about recovery were real until now, so hang in there man.
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Damn straight it’s definitely an adventure, hang in there!!
Hello, first time looking at anything in these fourms, let alone posting, so I’m learning how to do this. I’ve struggled with porn and masturbation for around 10 years, I am 20. Ive been using thos app for a while and started to use it around last year. I am a Christian and I really want to get rid of this nasty addiction. I came here to have some place to keep accountability on me. I have always wanted to stop for the main reason of believing it is a sin, and when I was with my (then) girlfriend last year it made me realize I wanted to try much harder than I ever had before so I could be healthy for the both of us. Around that time I would on average be able to resist for two weeks at a time, my highest was 58 days, but of course, I relapsed. Before her this was basically a daily thing for me, for around 9 years. Eventually, we broke up. After this I had come to realize that she played a big part in my mental fortitude and being able to resist these urges, because after the breakup I started to go back to doing it more and more, to the point now where I am doing it like every other day just like I had before. I am writing this now because I just had another relapse. Please, help me out with some tips, keep me accountable, and if anyone wanted to keep each other accountable, I could send you my name in Discord, or even if you just wanted to help me out. Thank you for your time.
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The main thing that I took away from how Christianity has helped me in this case is “Thou shalt have no other God’s before me”. When I learned about other God’s like Dionysus (a god of ecstacy) and Priapus (God of giant erections), I realized exactly what I was doing wrong and what the first commandment was talking about. And like many people have noticed, lust is a deadly sin so there’s a reason they’re not the 10 suggestions but instead the 10 commandments, with prohibiting false God’s at number one. I hope that helps, I don’t consider myself a theologian or an expert but that realization was what did it for me. Best regards.
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Let’s use this chat for accountability. I’ve been posting to this chat for years. I’m in my 40’s, got exposed to my dad’s porn at age 7/8 and its been a struggle for over 20 years really. I’ve been married for over 21 years and i’ve still had issues.
I’ve gathered alot of tips/tricks/techniques in how to deal with this problem. I’ll just give you my plan, take it for what it’s worth, everyone’s different.
I’ve had 5 months free, 6 months free, but it’s the consistency, the planning (7 day plan) your connection/sponsors, that is finally helping me stay free. Combine that with Safety measures on your phone, and it’s an ALL IN APPROACH. My danger zones were from 930pm - 7am. I use “lock me out” that’s impossible to delete from my phone. I can’t access the internet or no sites that jump to the internet. On my iphone i use screen time. Covenant eyes is great because you can give it to your sponsor, they can literally see at times what’s on your phone screen. Atomic Habits from James clear is my book of the Year for Sobriety. It’s not about Goals: Its about SYSTEMS YOU’VE SET UP EVERY SINGLE DAY TO BE SAFE. One last recommendation: The Eazy Way to quit your porn addiction. You can find this on that chat in Talking sober. Sorry for such a long message, this is my struggle too, my war, and i prefer to make Chess moves throughout the course of a day to keep me safe. Take care.
Porn Free Radio by Matt Dobbshuetz.
EPISODE 319: THE 12 COMMITMENTS THAT LED TO MASTERY
EPISODE 316: 10 WAYS TO SPEED UP YOUR RECOVERY
EPISODE 312: AUTOMATIC THOUGHTS
EPISODE 310******: THE 7 DAY PORN FREE PLAN
EPISODE 309: IS THERE HOPE FOR ME?
EPISODE 306 - HOW SUCCESSFUL GUYS OVERCOME EDGING
EPISODE 300 - BE YOUR FUTURE SELF NOW
EPISODE 299 - WHAT CAN YOU DO TO GUARD YOURSELF AGAINST TEMPTATION?
EPISODE 295 - MY 10 PORN RULES
EPISODE 252 - CRAVING IS NOT SOMETHING THAT HAPPENS TO YOU
#246 - #248 - PERSONAL MASTERY PT 1 - 3.
I took the time to lay these out because it’s so incredibly helpful.
I LIKE THIS PODCAST BECAUSE IT’S PRACTICAL, THINGS YOU CAN DO LITERALLY RIGHT NOW.
TAKE NOTES. START APPLYING WHAT YOU LEARN, CHECK IN WITH YOUR TEAM OR HERE, AND WE CAN GET THIS THING DONE TOGETHER BRO.
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Keep fighting bro.
Plan the rest of your day (if you haven’t already)
- See if you can work in some exercise.
- If your dealing with urges, what are you exposing yourself to at present? Are you on social media?
- Can you listen to a recovery podcast to strengthen your mindfulness?
- If it gets really bad, immediately drop down and do some pushups, like right away.
- The opposite of addiction is connection, call a sponsor or go and see a close friend, if you dont have to be alone, dont.
You can win today, but you gotta go on the offensive.
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Try taking cold showers for 1-3 minutes or a cold plunge. I use the wim hof method app, it’s a giant dopamine rush that lasts hours. Every day I don’t want to do it right before I have to in the morning, but I drag myself in and once that timers up I feel pretty good all day. Helps to do exercises to warm up before/after.
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I never heard anything about it’s relationship to sexual impulses but I could see it strongly influencing your motivations from anything to just getting warm though haha.
I’ve done the method you get in semi cold and every few seconds turn it colder. It absolutely works!!!
I’ve been doing cold for the first 1-3 minutes then switching up to hot, or just ending with cold which actually feels pretty refreshing, feels like summer time.
Glad you got past the infatuation. I’ve noticed it’s the worst when either you think you figured out a way to get a way with it from now on, or you think of something you figure has changed since you stopped and that you must be missing out on.
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Hi, I’m 43 years old and got into cybersex at a young age. Looking back I’ve realised I was also exposed to porn, though not in an abusive way, at a young age. It has been difficult for me to give it up so now I am posting here in the hope that a public gesture can help.
I would definitely label myself an addict but probably a functioning one. Probably that is more down to luck than my own abilities. Now I am at a crossroad both in my marriage and career and I know that I need to choose. Of course, I know that’s not a reason for quitting and that I mainly need to do so for myself. But I just miss letting my brain rest after long hours of work and commitments, allowing myself to read a book, exercise or watch a dumb movie instead of chasing stimulation. So I’m going on a longer business trip and will try to use the opportunity to occupy myself with other things, allowing myself to rest, calling my wife instead of the online chase. But most importantly to prove I can quit it again.
Wish me luck.
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Hello and welcome to TS!
I’m glad you found your way here and to this thread.
You hit a nail in the head here. One crucial part of recovery from addiction is to unlearn unhealthy habits and introduce new ones. It takes time and countless repetitions. I would also recommend to take a deep and honest look into the things you’re addicted to. For me, it was a heart wrecking learning curve on the true nature of porn. It’s built on exploitation, sex trafficking and stripping of all human value of those in the trade. I didn’t want to support or have any part in it any longer. That’s my journey with my addiction. Wishing you success on yours and godspeed on your business trip.
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Dear Olivia, thanks for the encouragement. I know that as well and I heard yesterday that sexual abuse is on the rise where I live. That has been linked to porn by the experts and it is of course important to listen to the expertise.
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Hi all, I have been in and out of this community for some time and I am trying to become more active in it because I have used sober time for a while. I am struggling so deeply with this addiction recently. I had a pretty good 2023 with some very long stretches of abstinence, but I have been struggling since the end of last year through the beginning of this year. I am in deep shame and I feel like I am spiraling. I don’t know how to get out of this. I feel like I am letting my self down, my wife down, my family down. I am not living up to the faith I proclaim to have and I just need a path forward. I feel like I have tried it all. Groups, sponsors, accountability partners, counseling, blocking softwares, etc. Though all those things I feel have helped in some way I just have not found lasting sobriety yet and it is starting weigh and beat me down.
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Don’t be too hard on yourself. Many have the same struggle. Try to focus on the wins, buddy.
Thanks for the encouragement. I am on Day 5 right now and that is a win for sure currently because I have been caving on like day 2 or 3 that past few weeks. I am keeping with it. I am hoping that keeping active in this community can just be another toll in my tool belt. Now I just have to use the tools correctly.
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Did you read Easy Peasy yet?
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I have not read easypeasy but have heard good things. I will give it a shot. Just past a week of sobriety. Today has been hard so far this morning.
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12 step support groups helped me with some of my problems. So they helped me as well. But they didn’t help address all of my problems.
Support groups help me address my problem of Connection. They also help address the problems of my lack of poor boundaries and my broken relationship with God. I still value the importance of addressing these problems each day. So I wouldn’t recommend someone dropping out of their support group unless they can replace it with a better connection.
But I have more problems. And if not exposed and addressed, these inner root problems with act subconsciously against me and sabotage my conscious efforts to stop lust and porn.
In other words, my acting out is just a symptom of inner root problems. I cannot fix the symptoms while ignoring the root problems.
Easy Way addresses my problem of brainwashing. My mind has been deluded to think that porn offers something of great value. And I’m believing the lie that quitting is choosing a life of deprivation; that I’m missing out; and that I’m making a sacrifice. Allen Carr refers to any method that involves making a sacrifice as a willpower method; an ineffective strategy.
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