By the way, I think you’re doing some really good things for yourself. I commend your efforts. For instance, tapping into this community has been a very good source of connection for me. Sounds like you can relate to that.
I trust that if you never give up, keeping seeking for answers, uncover those root problems within you, then breaking free from lust and porn is possible and completely worth it. This has been a long road for me, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Thank you! I appreciate your responses. I find it so hard to be active in any community with life always going on around me. I got 2 kids under 2 and wife to care for and it feels like I have been letting my sponsor down by not really reaching out to him the past few weeks… not that he would think I am letting him down. More that I am probably letting myself down. I havent been to meetings in a couple weeks as well because of everything that is going on in life too. I know how to get around filters and I think I know how to fix it but I don’t want to approach my wife about that (she is admin on the filters) because that means honesty about the current state of things. I got 7 days under my belt which is great, but like in the past sobriety feels like it can’t be forever. That I will cave at any moment.
But you are also right. there are underlying issues. I struggle to identity them but I know this for sure. I am discontent with the life I am in. The life that I am living doesn’t satisfy me for some reason even though I am doing the smthings are seen as good. I have a secure job, a wonderful wife, 2 beautiful children, no debt, working towards buying a home, etc. Yet I cant seem to feel that it is enough, that I am enough. I don’t like me and I need to learn like and love myself. That is where I am at right now.
I guess in a lot of ways I have identified myself as a failure too because I can’t do everything at work. I can’t perfectly attend meetings and call my sponsor. I am not always the perfect patient and loving father and husband. So instead of being gracious with myself I say that I am a failure.
Now you’re touching on another root problem of mine. And that is my toxic shame.
This feeling that I’m a piece of worthless garbage.
Please check this thread out.
Hey guys. Been a long time since I posted on here. In my time away, I can literally say that I’ve been through hell.
9 months into my sobriety in 2022, my wife and I fell into the beginning stages of being sexually groomed by two high school friends from my wife’s past. Over the next year, I broke my sobriety (there was a lot of porn and talk of masterbation among everyone) and my wife was ultimately raped. Since then, I’ve fallen off the wagon in a major way. I just didn’t care anymore. But as my wife and I have begun to repair our lives, I’ve again made the choice to abstain. It’s gonna be hard this time, but I’m sick of living in darkness.
Be careful out there. Here’s day one 
Congrats im proud of you im 15 days sober
Almost to 3 days. It’s been hard, but not unfamiliar. It’s hard having to face the realities of life without my drug. There were times when I felt PMO was the only thing getting me through life - especially after being sexually groomed. The depression is very real. I’ve been lower than I’ve ever been in my entire life. I’ve contemplated suicide, I’ve whipped myself with belts and flicked myself with rubber bands until my skin was swollen and bruised. For the record, I’ve never engaged in self harm before. But after being so incredibly violated and manipulated, and after my wife being raped and betrayed by friends she’s had for over 20 years… There’s only so much the mind can take. PMO seems so small compared to the darkness of life…
But PMO is just another poison. It’s like alcohol or any other drug. It might distract you from the pain for a little while, but it only makes things worse, and it certainly doesn’t improve things.
It’s hard letting go. But I need to. I’ve deleted my stash, I’ve turned the safe search back on, reset my timer again, and have begun facing my pain.
Here’s to day 3. Pick up your burden, stay close to the fire, and fight the darkness
It’s good to see you again. Wow. It’s shocking to hear what you and your wife went through. Does your wife have any resources to help her heal? Do you have additional support besides this TS community?
I’m praying for both of you. God is bigger than all of this. Welcome back.
We’ve been going through therapy - group therapy, couples therapy, EDMR, etc. Under the direction of our first therapist, we wrote out a marriage contract where we established healthy boundaries with friends and acquaintances. We both feel extremely violated and betrayed. We will not make the same mistake twice. In the meantime, I need to get control of my sobriety again, and figure out how to carry on.
Hey there.
First of all, welcome back. I salute your decision to pursue sobriety once again.
Secondly, that’s absolutely horrid what you both have gone through! 
I’m so sorry! What happened to the perpetrators? We’re you able/willing to press charges?
I’m sure you know this, but I’ll say it anyway (sometimes we just need to hear it):
None of that was your fault. You were deceived on purpose by people who are very good at manipulating and pulling strings, especially around people’s weaknesses.
As long as you’re breathing, there’s hope, for you both 
Thanks, Olivia. It’s really hard not to feel at least some responsibility in all this. As for the perpetrators; once shit hit the fan, they were blocked on all platforms and completely vanished. As for the one who raped my wife; she doesn’t want to press charges. She just wants to heal and move on. We’ve also talked to an officer, and he said we have no case. We have no proof, and all he has to do is deny it. We have no DNA evidence either. So it’s pointless to go through litigation.
I really blame myself. It’s hard not to. I feel broken and empty inside. But all I can do is keep moving forward.
Jesus that’s a rough read, haven’t felt this way in a long time. I hope you two can overcome what you’re going through, pmo almost seems trivial in comparison just from where I’m standing but I know the cravings don’t care. Keep going man, make sure you’re running from hell towards something hopefully a lot better and not just another alleyway. Your story really reminds me of the Immortal Technique song “Dance with the Devil” where he goes “When the devil wants to dance, you better say never because a dance with the devil might last you forever”. I just hit 9 months so I don’t feel like it’s a dance anymore but I remember resetting and bargaining all the time back then, insanity and guilt, and caving for nothing, that’s a dance. If your wife is helping you with this then that’s a huge leg up and I tell you man, there’s been nothing more helpful for me than my wife. They want you to be good and they actually believe you can be redeemed, it’s a beautiful thing when it works. Best wishes man, keep it up.
Thank you it’s the longest I’ve done full p & m, not sure if o is counted when having normal relations but I’m just not giving that up. Anyway good luck man, the time stacks up a lot faster when I’m not counting so whatever zone you’re in right now, keep it up!
Hey, reading what happened to your wife is gut wrenching. You are inmy thoughts in prayers. Sobriety is a tough journey and I have been on all the ups and downs too. I am on my 11th day we are on the same path brother. Keep at it and never give up because this PMO poison just doesn’t give any fix to the problems we are trying to solve. I know it hasn’t solved anything for me. I am ready to give it all up. Lets keep going strong together.
I’ve managed to get through one month and wanted to share some thoughts and highlights. First week was difficult, next two was surprisingly easy, fourth was difficult again. But the main highlight is my improved sleep and actually having some energy left in me Friday evening. I used to be completely exhausted come Friday night. Now it’s just any other night thanks to a regular sleeping pattern not disturbed by binging and a lot of exercise.
Best wishes to all others out there!
Hi all,
Its been a long while since I checked in on this forum. But I just wanted to drop in with some words of encouragement for anyone who is struggling.
I like many of you encountered porn at a young age and it has been a constant feature in my life since. Around 2014 I started to try and quit but over the following 9 years despite some clean periods I was always sucked back in.
In March last year I finally reached out for some professional help. The help was to do wirh a whole host of other things going on with my life at the time but it started a journey ro look at myself in a completely different way. I realised that porn was a symptom of a whole bunch of underlying issues that I had not addressed. I suffer from severe anxiety, self loathing and I had a whole host of traumas that I needed to and still need to work through. But I am doing the work.
I guess what I wanted to come on here and say is, whoever you are reading this, where ever you are you have made a huge positive step by coming here. I see you, I’ve been there. It gets better but it took the help of loved ones and some long hard looks at some uncomfortable parts of me (with the help of a professional) to begin to get better. You are worth the time. You are worth the effort. You can do this.
I wish you all well.
Hi everyone!
I’m new to this forum and I am 42 days clean of pornography and masturbation. I’ve had moments of sobriety before, but I guess I never really treated my addiction as such, but I am grateful for the opportunity to grow and share and to help encourage others
Ain’t that the truth. I’ve got a bunch of deep rooted problems myself. And my porn use and lust all stem from them and reinforce them. Sucks. I wish professional counseling helped me more than it did. But it seems like it’s doing some good for you. I’m glad. It’s nice to hear from you. Thanks for checking in.
Welcome 
