Triggered this evening. I was closing pages on my computer and unintentionally saw some p*rn in google images.
I didn’t stay on the pages long since i was in the process of closing pages, so I just counted the relapse as
An unintentional viewing of p*rn relapse.
But now my mind is trying to rationalize that i can view porn now because it “was” an actual p-relapse, but it wasn’t, because i didn’t intentionally go on my computer to view porn.
This is totally true.
What if for some reason the filter was not on and someone else searched up p*rn on your computer and you found it are you just going to relapse to it? No
You’ll notice it is something you swore off of and won’t engage with.
I block the app store along with a bunch of apps. Lock me out hasnt 100% stopped me, but im thankful for it!
What is this “Lock me” out app? Is it on the App store on iphones or is it on Android phone’s app store?
Android
It’s the best blocker imo
I use an accountability app not a blocker. my wife sees all i do on my phone and laptop and asks questions if i get flagged for something. i dropped out of social media all together and just found this forum love hearing im not alone in my journey
Had a bad dream last night where I relapsed.
I know dreams are part of the process, and it felt awful even in the dream, but I got hit by a big wave of urges to act out when I woke up today.
Trying to stay strong and continue to think logically but today is feeling a bit tricky.
This is the only way. Blocking doesn’t help if your still hiding, it just strengthens the shame. I’ve got a lifetime of this behavior to prove this.
You’re gonna be ok…. It’s ok to give yourself some grace and seek help and accountability
@LifeWarrior135 I think the best thing you did was put the behavior in the context of a positive future that you actually want. Keep fleshing out that vision, and also the negative vision about what happens if you just let it get the upper hand. I personally cannot believe how deep I got into it, and perhaps it’s more surprising how in just a couple years I’m living a totally different life that is beyond what I expected I could achieve.
It’s part of the process.
It’s going to be okay.
When we starve ourselves of pleasure, it shows up in our dreams. It isn’t the same though. You will get past these urges and be even stronger.
Best of luck
I am beginning to think that the state after using pornography and or masterbation is a fallen state. It’s beguiling until you bite the forbidden apple that promises you will be like Gods (a promise made by a serpent that tells lies you want to believe) and psych, you’ve been cast out of the garden. Compared to real intimacy in a long term relationship, the latter is almost a return to the garden of Eden, real paradise if you get it right. And of course, you be cast out again. If you only have porn and masturbation because your single, like myself for many years, it’s like Plato says “Man of the plaything of the Gods” but on this case it’s Priapus and/or Dionysus. They may not be real like a table is real, but you wouldn’t really know it based on how possessive these things are.
Reset.
Relapsed with MO. Confessed to my husband. Had there been porn involved, the conversation would have been a lot harder. This did not happen accidentally, I went into it with a solid decision. That’s scary. Never let your mind wander, like I let mine. I had almost 4 years clean.
4 years. I would die for 4 years sober. I’m so proud of you lasting that long! But one bad step dont negate that you lasted 4 years! You are an inspiration, relapse and all. I hope you know that!
First time posting
I’ve struggled with pmo for right around 12 years
I’ve been listening to porn free radio and the easy peasy method but for some reason I just can’t seem to kick it the longest I’ve made it is 14 days any advice would be appreciated
Wow 4 years! That is truly amazing!!
One relapse won’t make you lose all that progress. That’s forsure.
I also recently relapsed after 90 days straight. It wasn’t a full MO but super close to it. Day 2 clean. Keep going
Uuhhh, friend. Like people have said here, your 4 years are not wasted. You’ve got great tools in your use, and you know how to use them.
We got today. What can we do today to stay sober?
A not yet done is still a lesson in what prevented the doing being done. Fail and rise until risen from ashes of past and burn ever more brightly onward as the phoenix you are 
Fail not from fear and fear not to fail. Each attempt refines us sharper and with a toolbox having less and less broken tools piled within. <3
Thank you for your kind words 
They mean a lot.
Our mind is so tricky and complex, let me tell you! Last night I sat down and allowed things to surface. The day had been tiresome in various ways, a Monday with all caps but yet nothing usual. I’ve had much harder days during my recovery, so it begged a question - why relapse now?
As I sat there with myself, I knew I my annoyance with others is merely my own projection. I trust that the Holy Spirit will bring me to the truth, and he did - I was harbouring self hatred without realising it. Sometimes it manifests blatantly and other times it becomes a blind spot in our arrogance and pride. We project our own shortcomings onto others’ mistakes and we can’t see the root reasons for our afflictions. Since we can’t see it, it becomes a puppet master on a road to self destruction. I’m not saying I’m not responsible for my recent relapse. I do believe though, that my self hatred was the birth place for what happened.
So what do you do with self hatred? I believe that my evil doings and evil nature were dealt with on the cross. Christ suffered the consequences that I had coming for me for being such a vile person. Therefore, I can discard my hate for myself. I’m not perfect, I mess up and need that saving grace everyday.
1000% this is how my brain works. I listen to cognitive therapy podcast, Bible reading, positive music, to help with my self hatred. My self hatred, depressed emotions, shame, and guilt are all tactics from my brain to get the one thing it craves most: more dopamine. Flooding my system with self hatred feelings, shame about my life, your not good enough, your still fat, you have moobs, your worthless…All clever tactics for my addict brain just wanting to use again. Chemical addiction with porn bring the strongest outlet. The more i discuss this openly, the less power it has over me. My brain is a tricky monster: it can turn any situation into a potential for pleasure.
That’s why i fight everyday. Ive never been diagnosed with depression but those dark clouds i feel always threatens to break me.
Like you mentioned too, prayer is a criticall tool also. I realize this feeling after 24 years i can’t pay away, prayer helps me get clear of what’s Really happening. My wife hates using my phone cause everything is locked down, she can’t get online, she thinks it’s so annoying. And yet, she is so blessed to not live in my head. She doesn’t realize these safeguards are for life. Im trying to be a faithful husband every single day.
With the ransom, we don’t have to destroy ourselves for our shortcomings. We just have to keep fighting and enduring.
Odaat.