Sober again! Because I hate who I am when I'm not

Your Story
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I used this app (first time using the community feature though) back in 2019 (pre-pandemic) to help myself get sober. And it surprisingly ended up being easier than I thought. I was sober 1.5 years and took great pride in being the sober chick at parties, having my first sober Holidays and showing people that I could be fun without the booze. I was truly truly the happiest, healthiest version of myself.

And then, we moved to a new absolutely gorgeous smaller tropical town where the booze flows freely and it’s always “5pm”. Initially it started with a couple of drinks on a weekend (during lockdown) with some new friends. But that slowly turned into 3-4 times a week and then pretty much every evening as the sun went down.

Cut to 2 years later and I’m back to drinking 4+ times a week and hungover almost every Sunday. I thought I could do “moderation” but 9 beers is not moderation for a 100lb woman. I have tried every Monday to get sober but fail as soon as Wednesday rolls around.

I started smoking when I was 16 and quit at 26. I went from being obese to one of the fittest people in most rooms. I have multiple certifications and degrees. I know I am capable of hard things. But alcohol wins every single time.

This Sunday, while I spent all day puking my guts out, I finally decided I had no choice. Either I would need to change forever, or the drink would change me.

Saturday, the night before, played out like all those horrible embarrassing drunken nights where I don’t recognise myself. I am not that drunken woman, I can’t stand her. She is loud and obnoxious. She picks fights and gossips about perfectly nice people. She has a darkness that runs deep and words that cuts those she loves. She is mean and she can be a bully. She cannot remember anything because she’s too blacked out too make a decent memory.

It’s almost Wednesday now and I’m 2 days sober. This time it’s not easy. In fact, it feels like the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

But my younger sister gets married in December this year and I refuse to let that horrible drunken woman anywhere near the party. I want to be sober, present and 100% myself.

Thank you so much for reading this long rollercoaster of a post. Any advice/mentorship/ideas/stories or even words of wisdom are more than welcome.

Love,
S

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Welcome back! You know how it works now…reach out if you need help!

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Welcome to the community and congratulations on 2 days sober it sounds like you are ready to be done with alcohol for good and that’s a great choice sobriety is so much better it takes a lot of work but it’s worth it I’m rooting for you take it one day at a time

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Thank you Mike!

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You’ve done it before, you can do it again, and be that happiest and healthiest version of yourself.
Just don’t pick that first drink!
And Welcome again :smiley:

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You are very welcome

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Thank you so much! I keep telling myself that and even though I’ve tried and failed multiple times over the past year, this time I’m putting systems in place and using all the tools in my toolbox.

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I’m so proud of you for continuing to try. I have a sponsor this time around for my sobriety (I let 5 years of sobriety go) and she has really helped me through the rollercoaster of alcoholism.
This app has helped me as well. Being able to see the seconds add up has been helpful. Not waiting for the minute to pass by. Knowing literally every second, I am racking up sober time.
Keep up the fight. I believe in you!

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Thank you Sara. I have been considering getting professional help this time around as well. Happy to know if has helped you. And congratulations on getting sober again.

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Welcome @SRoy
Staying sober in an environment where alcohol is everywhere like you describe it is hard. Are there spots you can go where there is no alcohol? Make your home a sober zone where no alcohol is allowed. Do you have people who like to share activities sober? Just some thoughts :hugs: Keep going and reach out. You are not alone. ODAAT :pray:

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Thank you! Yes, there are beautiful forests and beaches and lots of sober activities, as well as sober friends. All things i promised myself I would do when I moved but alcohol just sucked me in and it became about bars and pubs and then just sitting at home drinking drink after drink (because at home it’s “easier to moderate”) :roll_eyes: But, I’ve made a list of sober activities I’d like to do now. I’m planning to tick one off every week hopefully.

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You are stronger than I am. As a chronic relapser I can’t get five days without resetting my sober clock . But I learn from each fall, armed with new knowledge to defeat the next urge or craving with new and tactical behavior. I feel good and it’s good to be sober right now. I’ve beefed up my recovery and give it the same energy everyday as I did getting high. I’m counteracting negative behavior with positive and preventive behavior- one step at a time you can too​:innocent::muscle:t4::butterfly: god bless

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Welcome Sheena! We’ve all been there, and thank goodness, because it makes it crystal clear what we don’t want; and that helps push us toward what we do want: being healthy and functional (which means sober).

I have a simple rule that helps me: you’re allowed to do anything that’s safe and legal, to stay sober. Cake for dinner? Yep. Sick days? Yep. (Often it’s possible to have leave for this type of recovery work, just ask.) Long walks listening to angry music? Yep. Spontaneous visit to an amusement park? For sure. Etc etc.

It’s a journey, and it’s a journey of self-discovery. You’re building a relationship with someone you don’t really know: your grounded, healthy self. Your self that is choosing to live clear and consciously, deliberately, and committing to stay clear and conscious, consistently. She’s an interesting and influential person, she’s a person who has an impact, but she’s new to you, so this is going to be a process of discovering and developing yourself.

I find Talking Sober super helpful because there’s people here 24 hrs a day, so I know someone is around & even if they don’t reply to my post, it’s out there and people are reading it. It’s kind of like being in a clubhouse. Not everyone is making conversation with me of course - but I’m in a place where I belong.

I use the check in thread when I am feeling that squirrelly addict voice in my head. That voice never really goes away. It’s not a bad thing - it’s just kinda the voice that all humans have, that dysfunctional side (it’s just part of human nature) - and actually for us in recovery it’s helpful, because it reminds us “hey! You’ve been neglecting something, so you’re hearing that addict voice, which gets stronger the more you neglect your self-care - so you better start paying attention, refocus yourself”.

Checking in daily to maintain focus #42

I love these threads too, just for fun:

Meme Wars 68 No Politics Please

Post your most inspiring photos of nature #3

Post photos of your pets #4

Foodies Unite #4 (trigger warning food) DON’T GO BACON MY HEART!

And there’s so many other good ones. Have a read around.

Lastly, these threads are full of useful podcasts and recovery groups, to help us gain knowledge and build strength:

Resources for our recovery

Online meeting resources

Take care, take it one day at a time, and remember, every person, whether they’ve had an addiction or not, moves through life one step at a time: every day, asking “what’s my next right step”. The measure of our success is not compared to other people. The measure of success is compared to ourselves. What’s our next right step?

You’ve got this. Keep reaching out, keep sharing :innocent:

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Thank you so much for this Mark! Even though it seems so simple, it’s something that’s helped me today. I sent myself an ice cream or bag of chips because it’s not the healthiest option. But any number of ice creams or chips is still safer for me than 1 drink.

Even though I believed I was fully motivated 1-2 days ago (when I made this original post), today I feel that urge to drink again. I cannot believe it has reappeared so soon. But I’m going to get takeaway tonight and have that damn ice cream. I’m going to say yes to anything that helps me stay sober.

You have no idea how much your message has helped me!

Thank you so much!

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Hi @SRoy and welcome back!!! Your story sounds all to familiar to many of us I’m sure and the cool part is that you can recover again from this as many of us have and are doing! Well done on 2 days and if I could make a suggestion it would be to use the daily check in thread and check in every day. It’s what really helped me when I was new and still helps me to this day. Glad you’re here and congratulations on your 2 days!!! :sunglasses::metal:t2:

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@Matt you’re awesome bro. I love the way that you’re always there to help people out and make them feel welcome here along with providing the resources for them as well. Just wanted to give you a shout out man, well done :sunglasses::metal:t2:

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Thx Rob I appreciate it. I’m happy to help in any way I can. Talking Sober has been so important for me as a place for recovery, and I’m glad I’m able to help out :innocent:

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Glad to hear it Sheena! That’s the beauty of the sober journey: really it’s about one thing. Just one simple thing.

I am sober.

I do anything I need to do, to maintain that:

  • attend meetings & learn sobriety tools, and use them
  • do checkins here on talking sober
  • adjust my lifestyle & my situation (might need to change the people and places I hang around)
  • etc etc

It’s a simple focus because everything else grows out of that. Personal health, relationship health, professional health… the list goes on. Being clean & functional (sober) is the foundation for every other type of progress you want to make.

That “addict voice” will come back. Stay vigilant. You can notice it of course, but let it pass you like a ship on a river. You’re sitting on the shore. The ship may be making a lot of noise but that doesn’t mean you have to get on.

Introduce some new routines that you can look forward to. Seltzer water (like La Croix, Perrier, etc etc) with lime is refreshing. Serve yourself a fruit salad. Have a hot bath with scented oils. Go get a massage, a pedicure, etc etc. Introduce things you look forward to.

One day at a time :innocent:

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Hi Matt! Just wanted to say that as of today I am 2 weeks sober and your replies on this thread and others have helped me get here! I truly appreciate you and all you do. Thank you so much

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That’s awesome Sheena! Happy for you. It’s nice isn’t it? To feel like you’re captain of your ship :innocent:

It’s also nice to learn to be present and aware. We’re here, today, walking through today, sober. One day at a time :innocent:

Good for you! :raised_hands:

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