sounds exciting! have fun with it!!
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Thanks, I was trying to think of who I could talk to but then I remembered this place. I can usually coast through without having to dump stuff on anyone but this is doing my head in a bit. (hence my 2:20am posting)
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Oh friend - yes!!! grateful that this place crossed your mind. We are all here for you! Talk to us - we are here for you 
Do not think of it being a dump of stuff so much as it is a sharing of your feelings and thoughts 
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That’s very kind of you to say - thank you.
The main points that keep circling around are not so much around sobriety as I think I have that beaten as much as I can, more about mortality. I’ve never felt scared of dying.
My daughter was born almost two years ago and that is when I more conciously and naturally wanted to be alive for longer.
This age popping up feels like a countdown clock of borrowed time has started ticking, which is totally irrational but obviously a bit of old trauma rearing it’s head. Hopefully it will fade as I get used to the idea (or turn 44, haha)
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I can relate as my father passed away at 36 years old. I am now 45 but approaching my 36th birthday and a good chunk of the following weeks was a very dark and depressing time. It gets better. I was not in recovery then but I pray that ,for you being in it will bring you strength. Thanks for sharing. It gets better. Living my life today in a way that I hope, scratch that, I know would make him proud helps a whole lot.
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ah yes - what a beautiful reason to want to live longer.
I do hope that this feeling passes soon and you are able to enjoy your 43rd year of life. Just remember that we are here for you if you find yourself digging deep about mortality.
Maybe try checking in daily for a while until you start feeling comfortable. Our sobriety journey is not only about being sober but also about learning to live life on life’s terms.
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Thanks, Brian.
I’m sorry you had to go through that, but it’s definitely helpful to hear at this point. All the best
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Thanks again, this is all helpful right now and I’m sure it will be going forward
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You are glowing and I’m so proud of you for staying sober in the midst of all you were dealing with! Way to kick ass!
Congrats on your time and conviction to stick with it! I’ve had worries like this for years. Alcoholism is really the only major disease that runs in my family. My fathers father died of a heart attack at age 30 trying to sober up (so I’ve learned now that I’m an adult). I drank well past that but then it progressed and I realized if I didn’t quit I’d probably be dead by 40. I also have a daughter to raise who I couldn’t imagine leaving motherless. I turned 37 yesterday, with 222 days, and I’m not looking back this time. We are definitely getting older, and the clock never stops turning, so enjoy each day as it comes. They’re so much better sober 
(Happy Birthday 
)
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I had a sad day, yesterday. Being homesick and doubting some of my life decissions… Being unsure that I’m where I should be. Then I had bad dreams about my partner. I felt lots of angriness and frustration towards him in the dream.
What can I do? It’s just feelings. An episode in my life. Hopefully it will past quick.
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Happy birthday!!!
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Thanks for the kind words Laura, I hope you had a great birthday the other day
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Great to see you friend. Have a wonderful day!
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Looking amazing as always Jana
I do hope these feelings pass soon… remember we are here if you need to talk about them.
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Thank you, @JazzyS 
Appreciate your words and time to write them.
I feel already much better now 
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Thank you for your good wishes @Soberbilly
I am reading a book about emotions and about how we ignore some of them and never even realise that we have/had them.
Since I’m reading this wise book, I’m paying more attention to how I actually feel and I’m trying not to fight it, or change it, but to allow myself to feel the feelings and as you say - let them pass through. It’s relieving to know that everything passes eventually and that it’s not the end of the world if I don’t feel 100% happy and enthusiastic for all the time…
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day 18 alcohol free, day 1 nicotine-free . . . head hurts, wanna cry, but it’s okay, i’ll get thru it. 
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That’s great. Best of luck on the continuation of your journey.
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