Am pretty sure I suffer from this disorder, I do not feel comfortable in social settings anymore, and if am force too I tend to go for alcohol to feel social, and ofcourse once I have one it’s turns into 20. I completely embarrassed myself in front of my colleagues and don’t know how to too look at them after this, after a work event was over they tried to take me home and got angry and told them to leave me alone (understatement of what I really said) I ended up in my local pub swearing and staring fights with guys I haven’t even seen in years. Worst thing I did was at the end I found a knife and slashed this guys tyres for no reason but the rage I had in me. I’ve apologised to everyone and anyone who would listen but how can they forgive me if I can’t forgive myself. This stories from Saturday night and just one of many in my life, I quit drinking then all of sudden I ruin all that hard work over 1 night, I thought it wouldn’t hurt if controlled myself, but something inside gets the best of me. I don’t want to live like this, only ends in prison or death…thanks to anyone who Listens or understands
Hi @Ahmedomar
Thank you for sharing. Not only does your share help you, but it also helps me and others. Welcome to Talking Sober. Sounds like you’ve come to the right place to seek support for your trouble with alcohol. There are so many of us here who can relate to what you’ve shared. It’s hard. Anxiety disorders are hard. I hear you 
I understand 
When I first decided to stop drinking, I came here and I read and read and read and read A LOT and I believe it was SO helpful. I also tried to share and help others given my own experiences. I had to change many things - most aspects of my life - but I can tell you I have no regrets. My life without alcohol is SO much better than it was with. It’s certainly difficult though, but with determination and the self-love and compassion you deserve, you can do it 
also, have you thought about joining any sobriety communities like AA or Smart Recovery ( or others, there are many). I think the most important part is knowing you’re not alone and there is support on this journey of recovery. And remember, always say no to that first drink, then there can’t be a second or third and so on. If you’re thinking about drinking alcohol - play the tape ALL the way through. And come back here and read what you posted!
Wish you all the best.
Hey, much appreciated and thanks for your support, am still in embarrassment period over that night and as usual the famous words come out (Never drinking again) but weed is no better I stopped drinking and picked up smoking which I know doesn’t help but kept me from being drunk which I know now doesn’t last for long. In the sense of help the UK is abit different here, therapy is all about the money, and we don’t have or I don’t how to get myself into that sort of support system. I came on here to hear the stories so I could feel better about myself, hearing am not alone in embarrassing stories but what do I do when am alone with my thoughts, generally I feel lost and not deserving of anyone help. Sorry this sounds a lot
AA and smart recovery are free in the UK. If you dont like the thought of group settings you could join one of their online sessions. Coming here alot will help too.
Although the embarrassment feels incredibly uncomfortable right now and likely giving you anxiety… it might be the push you need to do something about it. Only you can do that , but you are not alone… the support here and maybe at the groups mentioned if you want those will help you.
I want to change for the better, but the anxiety of it all is killing me. I’ll search for AA and see how that goes but I have to admit this websites seems very helpful and thanks for saying am not alone, finding the support is the hardest thing as everyone around has issues, I hope I can follow through with this just need a push
Welcome! Look, I used to blame social anxiety too. I used to say I had to drink to feel relaxed enough to fit in. Maybe there is an element of truth to it, but what is more true is that I’m an alcoholic who likes to blame my social awkwardness for my addiction. My anxiety with people and awkwardness are NOT the reasons I drank. They gave me a cloak of acceptability (that barely covered my petite butt) for my drinking, but it was all fake and an ineffective cover up for my real, glaring problem which was I was powerless over booze and couldn’t even have that famed “one” drink. Who cares if you have social anxiety? Your coworkers are way more likely to shrug off an awkward joke or silence from you than weapons and slashed tires. A big part of acceptance for me was to no longer blame harmless (or even imagined) parts of my personality for my drinking. I drank the way I did because of alcoholism PERIOD.
I’m with you. There’s nothing awesome about relapses of anger.
We just have to work harder than most people.
They say anger is a tool but for people like me, anger is an addicting behavior
I have to work hard at not being angry
Not seeing anger
Not hearing anger
Not being near angry people
Is just not healthy
For me
Much appreciated, you maybe right, but how can I do this alone, with my thoughts, bored is another killer, especially during the summer with this heat
These are more excuses to stay in your addiction cycle.
Alone- use this forum. Go to a meeting. Try an online meeting. You can’t do it alone. And you are not alone.
With your thoughts- utilizing this forum or attending in person or online meetings will help you change your thinking into something more productive with self work, step work, anything that breaks the pattern of thinking that has you attacking tires outside pubs. All of us here have moments we’re not proud of. Those memories don’t disappear, but we can learn to use them as motivations and reminders of how much alcohol takes away from us and turns us into people we do not wish to be.
Bored in the heat- this is not a reason to drink alcohol. Go swimming. Have a lemonade. Enjoy free AC and a book at the library or a meeting while you enjoy community, change your thinking, keep busy, and stay sober.
Hi and welcome here. Real shit show you pulled off there on Saturday. I staged a few myself, albeit in different genres, so I can relate.
You don’t need a push, you need a plan. 
Surround yourself w recovery. This place, podcasts, quit lit. Round the clock. Until you get it and get all the information you need. Hear others stories, you won’t feel alone ever. I didn’t. There are millions of us. It’s by no means abnormal to be an alkie.
Pick a few resources and stick w them. After a few weeks, mix and match. Resources for our recovery
Meetings should be high on your list.
Stay active here: Checking in daily to maintain focus #55
This is what some ppl have found helped them: Your #1 tip for sobriety (over 2 years sober)
Good luck! It can be done, but only by you!
Wow, thank you for listening maybe I just needed i different perspective of this situation am in, yesterday I wanted the whole world to swallow me, now it feels abit lighter. Am gonna take this advice and use it, if you don’t mind I’d like to update my progress when am down or up I’d like more advice. Thanks
Update away. This can be your own personal thread, you can keep it, or you can use the checking in thread I linked above.
Happy to have you amongst us.
So if you knew me ud know that in my real life i literally wont hurt a fly…i collect up spiders in a tub and put them outside…i feed bees sugar water and cant watch animal programmes cos i feel bad for the baby antelope being chased by the lion…when i used to drink id turn into the devil…i was angry and violent…a completely different horrible person. This was repressed anger and hurt coming out once alcohol took away my inhibitions and i couldnt control the pain anymore. My advice is to look toward your reasons for drinking…what your running from…those deep seated things that dont come out when your sober and try and deal with them sober then i think youl be on your way to sorting out your anxiety in the first instance, we can all drink but some of us really shouldnt.
Thanks, makes more sense thinking about why I wanted, I do remember intending not to drink (too much) I thought I had a control over it, plus deep angry in me was the most confusing, I say I don’t care when am sober but when I drink, it’s like an out for revenge. Clearly not a healthy for me…
You do care thats the problem. Im in the UK so i absolutely understand that help with this is difficult…it took for me to end up hospitalised one night to get any help for mental health and even then they really only pushed me in the right direction and from then on ive done all my own work on myself…im 9 months so far but itl be a lifetime journey…i can tell you with certainty tho im the happiest now that ive been in my adult life and im 43. Youve got to find whats making you angry and in pain…pinpoint it and start work on it.
4 things that helped me…
Working on my self esteem with any resource i could find
Asking advice on this site and being present here
Allen cars easy way to stop drinking for changing my mindset on drinking
The Stutz documentary on netflix for starting life over
Watched StuTz on Netflix, really was an eye opener…
What did you think of it?
At first I was not so sure, I thought how could I relate or listen to Mr StuTz talking especially if I can relate to him in a way but just listening to them both talk kinda made me think about all the tools, the cloud I keep over me and that 3 aspects of life, I’ve been looking for a quick fix I guess but the film was straight forward about that, there isn’t one. I’ll have to watch it again and write some things down so I can use them in my own life but overall good movie, flew by…
Ohh and the pyramid ( body, people and then your self) was the moment I was hooked, I know I’ve abused my body in general, never ate right, never exercised properly, basically punished my body. I don’t know I never felt worthy of living so long, so I thought was the point of trying to live a long healthy life, in a way I’d hope my body would give out on me and that would be end of this miserable life. Am 31 years old but haven’t grown or changed I still feel like a stupid kid. What excuse is there for that AM OVER 30…wow
Hey im 43 and its only now ive stopped punishing my body and my brain, i wish id turned it around at 31, its never to early or late, it sounds like Mr Stutz has inspired you though?