I’ve made it to 15 days and I’m feeling really good. I’ve really been trying to follow the advice I’ve seen in posts on her for myself- I journal daily, I’m doing things to change the routine I had that made drinking easy and almost thoughtless. I really am working on me. But I am struggling with my husband drinking. He’s not anywhere close to what I was ( something it took me quitting to realize😳) and it doesn’t, or hasn’t triggered me to want to drink. Mostly it makes me feel very anxious, sometimes angry at him, and sometimes sad because I know how he will feel later on and it’s not worth it. Any advice for working on this?
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Yes to your 15 days!!! I love your strong attitude!!
It is very understandable that you are having a lot of feelings over your husband drinking…I have had those same feelings, as my husband still drinks. As with yours, nothing like my drinking…by the end I was often an angry drinker and would pick fights with him…get nasty sloppy, blackout constantly…the list is seemingly endless…his drinking is not like that at all. Nevertheless, he drinks and it was a struggle for me separating my stuff and stuff I can control and his stuff. It took some time and effort, but I am at peace with that now.
Over the years I bookmarked a few pertinent threads about partners who drink and I will share them with you. It may give you some aha moments or insights…it may not…but always good to hear what has worked and not worked for others.
I applaud you for working to make you and your life better and I want to let you know it IS possible to live and love a spouse who drinks. As always, only YOU know the heart of your marriage/relationship and your partner. 
(Does your partner still drink? Some threads you may find helpful)
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I’m right there with ya. My wife has drank all of my 265 days of sobriety like we use to drink together. We did a lot of drinking in our 37 years of marriage. I actually hid this app from her for 2 weeks. Then I found a nice time on a dog walk to talk to her about it and my sobriety. She totally supports me but she gonna drink. And I’m living with it. It’s ok. It doesn’t trigger me at all. She’s very predictable and generally falls asleep on the couch every night. More room for me in the bed with the 2 dogs and cats. A lot of times I do feel lonely. And that’s ok. I’m learning it’s good to feel. Maybe not always good but I don’t or won’t drink away my feelings anymore 
God willing. Starting my day, every day on here with a gratitude lists helps me tons. And a lot of times I think I am grateful for the times I have with my wife during the day when she is sober. Actually it just dawned on me right this second if I wasn’t sober I would not be grateful for the sober time we DO have together cuz otherwise we be both drunk together.
Anyway. I guess I’m rambling now. It is nice to see Im not alone with a spouse that drinks. I knew I wasn’t. You can do it too. I’ve kind of changed my one day at a time mantra to “I’m not drinking today!” And that’s all I got to do.
PS. Glad you’re here!
Sorry I made it all about me.
Great job on the 15 days 
that is huge. That is awesome!! I’m so happy for ya. It really starts feeling good now. Enjoy your sobriety.
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Thank you for your words of encouragement and the links. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one, and that it doesn’t have to mean the end of the relationship. It’s something I will definitely have to work on though, but I’m feeling much more hopeful!
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Thank you for giving me hope! I really like the idea of starting the day with the gratitude list, it’s something I have been doing mentally since my day one( it’s amazing all the things you notice when you aren’t drunk or hungover!) but verbalizing then could help. I also like that you are grateful for the sober time you have with your wife. I’m going to try to focus on that time with my husband also instead of anxiously waiting to see IF he will have a beer. Thank you for giving me hope!
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It is all a process and individual journey. I do find that things become clearer as we get more sober time. Everything seems so super charged and must solve now in early days…or so it felt to me. YMMV of course!! 
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Ya at the beginning I so much wanted wifey to not drink and us do this together. Or at least not drink one or two nights/days. But the more I learned on here and what I already knew about addiction from my lovely children my thoughts have definitely changed. But we all have our own story. Our own history. Our own demons. And I’m glad I have her for MY SOBER JOURNEY.
We actually talk about my sobriety now. I was always afraid she wouldn’t want to hear it. And I was very cautious about bringing up too much sober talk with her. But she doesn’t mind now.
YMMV ??? Just can’t figure that one out 
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Your mileage may vary YMMV 
And your post could be mine. I was so worried about talking to him about it at first, I didn’t want him to feel I was judging or pushing him to sobriety…but it is a lot easier going through this together with it all out there. Of course that was after I finally got straight on what his role in my sobriety is.
I have to allow him his own unique journey…maybe he will get there, maybe not, at the moment that is not an issue for me. He is certainly more aware of his own drinking. And very proud of my sobriety.
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Well done on 15 days and welcome to our awesome community.
You’re definitely not alone on this subject of drinking sposes. My husband is a heavy drinker and it’s been very challenging for my sobriety. I’m sure everyone on this forum is tired of hearing me vent about this.
I was hoping he’d see how well I was doing and jump on the sobriety train. It’s been a year and he’s still drinking. In the beginning it triggered me but now I just find it disgusting. The smell and slurring really annoys me. Anyway, I’m still holding onto some hope. In the meantime, I’m staying in my lane and keeping my side of the street clean.
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Definitely not tired of it! I relate so much to your posts. And it’s good to get it out there.
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Not tired of it at all. And the way you handle the situation is solid and great for many to hear.
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Thank you @Lionfish and @LeeHawk. I appreciate all of you for allowing me to use this judgement free space to get it out.
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Thank you! I’m glad to hear you say that it disgusts you, I don’t feel disgusted but it definitely bothers me- which bothers me because he had to put up with some less than ideal behaviors from me for quite a while! I like your analogy and I think I will continue to stay in my lane too, and hold on to the hope that he sees how much better it is without alcohol.
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My boyfriend drinks daily and smokes like a chimney which is a bit difficult… I’m not sure how it will pan out in the end, but for now I am just focusing on what I can change within myself and keeping my distance when needed… he has expressed a desire to quit but not followed through much… oy!
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That is what we’re here for Lisa. Vent away. Always if you need too. And ya know what? I want to congratulate you on your one year birthday AGAIN. I can do that right? It’s just so awesome of you.
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Aww! Thank you Eric. You’re a sweetheart!!
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It gets kind of lonely at night. Wifey always passes out on the couch around 8ish. I keep telling myself I don’t mind. I got the house to myself and the 4 cats and 2 dogs. But sometimes I do feel very lonely. Like tonight. Thanks @Chiron for keeping me company and sharing cat pics. I really enjoyed looking back at all my best buds and looking for pics to share. I’m kind of a photo freak. Always making photo albums for the kids for Christmas. Anyway. I wouldn’t trade in my sobriety now for anything. I could be drinking with wifey and passed out on the couch too. 
Thanks for listening to my little pity party. I’m really not complaining just telling and sharing like it is. I’ll keep this sober life and hangover free mornings going into my bronze ages. It’s worth it and so am I. Time to read my book and 
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I get the struggle. My ex lover is an alcoholic. I decided I wanted to clean up my act while we were still together and it was rough. Every relationship is different, but for us it just put an extra level of strain on what was already a strained relationship.
I accepted her choice to continue drinking, but as I stopped using it became very clear to me that the drugs I used really masked how unpleasant she was to be around while she drank. I knew that I couldn’t force her to stop drinking so I tried to put focus on something that wouldn’t seem so judgemental and attacking. I chose communication and the emotional aspects of our relationship.
She agreed to have a little ‘meeting’ once a week where we could each talk about how we felt about whatever had happened in the last week that might still be bothering us, but we would also make sure to talk about good things from the last week too. But with the negative we were supposed to phrase things in a way that wasn’t blaming (e.g. “When you did X, I felt Y” instead of “You made me feel Y because you did X”), and we were to express what we needed emotionally. I know it sounds like therapy, and she kind of hated it (I’ve always been about exploring the psyche while she hates talking about her feelings in general) but was still willing to do it, and even admitted later that it was actually helpful. Honestly it wasn’t easy for me either but I wasn’t about to ask anything out of her that I wasn’t willing to do myself.
I think that out of that she became more aware of her problem (because she had a better idea of how I was affected by her actions–not necessarily while she was drunk but in general or when she was cranky because she was hung over or craving a drink), but she wanted to focus on ‘moderation’ because she wanted to still be able to go out to bars and have drinks and all of that kind of stuff. In general we focused on every day things. Maybe if we’d had a disagreement, or if one of us had said something that the other had taken offense to, etc.
I have no idea if any of that is helpful or not. She and I are still friends, so I still have to deal with her drinking, but it is different than when we were together. I hope that you and your husband will be able to work out something that is right for the two of you.
I hope all of that made sense as I am currently fairly tired. 
@Dazercat It was my pleasure. I am always happy to trade cat pictures with you 
You don’t sound like you’re complaining at all. I understand feeling lonely at times. I had that with my ex, and my SO has a different set of addictions altogether that still leave me feeling lonely at times, so having people to have good conversations with and share cat pictures is a wonderful treasure.
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Thank you, it did make sense ( maybe I am pretty tired to haha)! I think your example of communication is really good, and something I will try with my husband. It will be a work I. Progress, but all of the responses I have read give me hope that it is doable!
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Hello everyone. Day 13 here. Husband got through like 5 days and it was glorious… but now he’s back to his shenanigans. The past 2 days offering me a shot of vodka has been a challenge… but I’ve politely declined… I just have to focus on me right now. He will come around eventually and luckily I can SOMEHOW manage to stay strong. Kinda needed to get on here and just type this out. So thanks for listening. Proud of everyone here!
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