Welcome Mel!!
I doubt there are any other members here who didn’t spend a good deal of time and energy trying to figure out how to make alcohol fit into their life. Yet here we all are on an abstinence forum…so I think we know how that worked out. Are there people who can have a glass or two of wine and stop there? Yes, I know plenty of those people, some are in my family…but those people are not like those of us who know we have an issue with substance abuse and who download an app on sobriety. It is okay, you are in good company here.
And it is okay that you are questioning what will work for you. I did too. Sobriety and recovery are a process, not a one and done.
I know for many (most? all?) of us, we tried many times over the years to institute some ‘rules’ or ‘bargaining’ or ‘moderating’ around our drinking. For me, I kept looking for that elusive system that would make it so I could continue to drink, you know, ‘get a handle on it,’ not overdo or feel bad about etc. I tried everything, for years, just beer, no hard liquor, only hard clear colored liquor, only 3 drinks a night, only 4 days a week, only weekends, water after every drink, all that type of thinking and trying to figure out how I could be a normal drinker. Truth is, I knew deep down in my heart what I was doing wasn’t healthy or good for me or for my family, relationships, jobs, etc. It was just me suckered in by the fallacy, the story we are told and believe that we have to drink to relax, have fun, celebrate, drown our sorrows, etc etc. I needed to get real and understand, really understand, that I was living in a hamster wheel, just going around and around, not really living at all. Slowly drinking myself down into a sad dark hole. Damn, that was hard to reconcile with all that fun we were supposed to be having drinking and partying. The fantasy of what drinking offers us (relaxation! fun! less anxiety!), compared to the reality of what drinking offers us (hangovers! Shame! Bad choices! Death! Etc)…that was a big aha for me.
I love the idea of trying a few weeks or a 30 day challenge to stop. See how that feels. I also wanted to share some threads that may be helpful as this question comes up frequently…
Hope you find some good inspiration here!! And great job taking that first step!