Deciding to start sobriety with small steps. Right now just trying to take it a day at a time. So that’s why I’m trying out dry January. I realize during the pandemic and being shut in is, when my drinking has escalated. My goal is to definitely continue this after January.
I hope that I can have somewhat of a healthy relationship with alcohol. I would like to be able to have the occasional drink with dinner. When I tried in the past, no it never seems to work. I just cannot seem to have just one drink, I have to have a whole bottle of wine. Maybe even a second bottle.
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Welcome to the community! Most of us are aiming for abstinence as moderation rarely succeeded.
I wish you all the best for your journey. There are many wonderful people here and tons of information.
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Welcome to talking sober!
I can pretty much guarantee you that if moderation hasn’t worked in the past, it isn’t going to work the next time you try…or the time after that.
It’s your life and your sobriety but maybe consider if it’s time to cut out alcohol completely.
Most of us here “tried moderation” until it ruined our lives and/or nearly killed us.
I’m not trying to be a Debbie downer, just speaking from experience. I “tried moderation” until my wife nearly left me and I almost lost everything.
Glad you’re here!
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Welcome to the club. Healthiest relationship I can have with alcohol, is not having any.
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I am afraid that moderation is some kind of utopia. If we think in a second bottle at the moment when the first one is not still finished, that is a clear sign that relationship with alcohol should be cut in a drastic way.
Good luck with dry January!, Let us hope it is the first month of many in advance. I myself at least I am going to try that.
Kind regards!
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I too keep trying to have just one but I have to face the facts. It just never ends at one. We all know how that turns out. We have to own up to the fact that we have an addiction that wants always more. Yes it’s time to move forward with life without alcohol. It feels so good to be sober and when we are feeling that good vibe our addictive mind thinks it’s ok to have one. But as soon as that poison enters our body our mind changes its thought process and thinks we can have another and another and then we wake up with all those familiar horrible feelings. I need to be strong and say no to the first drink. That is what I am going to work on. No to the first one.
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Welcome. I hope you can have a healthy relationship with alcohol too. I do, it’s abstinence. I tried and failed in every way imaginable to keep alcohol in my life. I do wish you well on your path forward.
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Dry January sounds like a great idea! I wish more people would do it. You dont have to commit to anything right now. Just don’t drink today. One 24 hour period at a time. See how you feel.
If you do start drinking again, I would encourage you to keep an online diary to track your drinking. There are several apps for that.
I would also recommend reading “This Naked Mind.” Or listen to it on an audio book.
Best of Luck to you!
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Mel, the only healthy relationship with alcohol is to divorce it. There’s a myth that ‘occasionally’ or drinking in ‘moderation’ is ok. It’s not. Like you I drank more than I should have during this pandemic. I’ve been trying to quit now for almost two years. I have however cut down dramatically. I did a sober October and this is my second ‘dry January’. However after this January rather than ‘go back’ I’m moving forward. While I’m going to say ‘yes’I can drink again rather than say I’m ‘never’ drinking again, but I don’t want to drink again. Changing my mind set is the how I’m going to try to stay sober. I hope you find what works for you. But starting with a dry January is a positive step.
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Welcome Mel!!
I doubt there are any other members here who didn’t spend a good deal of time and energy trying to figure out how to make alcohol fit into their life. Yet here we all are on an abstinence forum…so I think we know how that worked out. Are there people who can have a glass or two of wine and stop there? Yes, I know plenty of those people, some are in my family…but those people are not like those of us who know we have an issue with substance abuse and who download an app on sobriety. It is okay, you are in good company here.
And it is okay that you are questioning what will work for you. I did too. Sobriety and recovery are a process, not a one and done.
I know for many (most? all?) of us, we tried many times over the years to institute some ‘rules’ or ‘bargaining’ or ‘moderating’ around our drinking. For me, I kept looking for that elusive system that would make it so I could continue to drink, you know, ‘get a handle on it,’ not overdo or feel bad about etc. I tried everything, for years, just beer, no hard liquor, only hard clear colored liquor, only 3 drinks a night, only 4 days a week, only weekends, water after every drink, all that type of thinking and trying to figure out how I could be a normal drinker. Truth is, I knew deep down in my heart what I was doing wasn’t healthy or good for me or for my family, relationships, jobs, etc. It was just me suckered in by the fallacy, the story we are told and believe that we have to drink to relax, have fun, celebrate, drown our sorrows, etc etc. I needed to get real and understand, really understand, that I was living in a hamster wheel, just going around and around, not really living at all. Slowly drinking myself down into a sad dark hole. Damn, that was hard to reconcile with all that fun we were supposed to be having drinking and partying. The fantasy of what drinking offers us (relaxation! fun! less anxiety!), compared to the reality of what drinking offers us (hangovers! Shame! Bad choices! Death! Etc)…that was a big aha for me.
I love the idea of trying a few weeks or a 30 day challenge to stop. See how that feels. I also wanted to share some threads that may be helpful as this question comes up frequently…
Hope you find some good inspiration here!! And great job taking that first step!
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Thank you everyone for the encouraging words and motivation. My goal is to continue to say sober for longer than one month. But I hate setting myself up for failure. I think that’s why I’m considering starting slowly with dry January. Im so glad I found this app and this forum to be able to express myself and feelings with others who understand.
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Welcome! 
Welcome @Mel_berk
You will be amazed how quickly you feel better health kicking in.
Emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally etc. Your blood pressure and resting heart rate comes down. Your blood sugars starts stabilizing, your skin clears, you start losing weight, the brain “fog” lifts, your sleep cycles are DEEP, your orgasms are more intense. You start “facing” things instead of reaching for the wine every time you feel stressed or overwhelmed and it forces you to really “sit with your stuff” without soothing or medicating… oh MAN there are just so many benefits. I think that’s why most members on here are shooting for complete abstinence.
Alcohol also messes with certain medications and taking alcohol out of the equation eliminates that issue that straight away.
You have our full support and we wish you the best of luck. Enjoy your Dry January xox
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Welcome! Glad you’re here. 
For me its like playing with fire, sometimes id get burned a little sometimes alot, eventually im learning that its better for me not to mess with it so i dont get burned. Wish you the best in the new year😊
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I’m in your same boat! Covid has really made my drinking worse and I’m ready to feel good again! Good luck we got this 
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I think the longer you stay dry the more you enjoy life without your DOC. Mine was cannabis. I tried quitting many times, I also tried moderation, but the consistency led back to daily use. Being 4+ month clean has made me realize that I don’t need weed or alcohol to enjoy a meal, activity, social gathering. It hasn’t been an easy road but everyday I’m sober I feel better and better, and miss being intoxicated less and less. Best of luck
https://talkingsober.com/t/daily-gratitude-list-gratitude-the-air-of-recovery
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I’ve been where you are 60 days sober from sheer willpower. Then that voice starts, your doing great, maybe you’re not an alcoholic, maybe you can control your drinking, and I do for a while, glass of wine with dinner on the weekends, then that turns into every dinner and 2+ on the weekends, then a bottle on the weekends, then hard alcohol comes into the picture and I’m binge drinking again. Decide I have a problem and rinse and repeat. I made it 8 months sober the second time before that same voice creeped back into my head and I ended up abusing alcohol again. I’ve got 11 days sober and I’m committed to never drinking again. I am doing therapy and working the 12 steps this time. AA meetings are really helping.
Hopefully you take it seriously the 1st time around and don’t follow in my wishy-washy footsteps.
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I REALLY needed to read this today.
Sending you lots of love beautiful human.
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I like the quote: ‘ WE CAN NO MORE MAKE THAT CHANGE (to turn back into a normal drinker/moderate) THAN A PICKLE CAN CHANGE ITSELF BACK INTO A CUCUMBER!’
It’s so simple and easy to understand, and stops me agonising about how l can keep Alcohol in my life.
No stigma,blame or guilt attached. It just is what it is! I’m a pickle!
Why waste energy, trying to turn myself back into a fresh crisp cucumber 
when it’s not logically possible?
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