Challenging times for me at the moment 157 days AF.
I had to quit my stable job so that I wouldn’t get fired from the teacher’s union. I’m a high school English teacher working at a shitty school for my first year, def not the worst of schools (violent riots are common place in others in the district), but the verbal abuse/harrassment directed at the students pushed me over the edge.
I got my phone out to video one of the principals escalating a kid’s frustration over a missing phone charger, which then turned physical between her and the child, this turned into a Level 2 lockdown, police with a paddy wagon. It was literal MESS. And I made a bit of a scene, crying hysterically and quit on the spot telling some people off on the way out.
Now, it’s the last day of school and I wanted to be there with my students to see them through until the end. I could have ignored the issues and moved on next year. I thought my sobriety would help me cope with stressful situations better, but instead my soberiety has made me more bold and fiery to a fault. Alcohol gave me a false sense of confidence, now I’m just letting the real me all hang out! And if you knew me you’d know that’s not a great strategy.
My question is: When will being sober feel normal?? It’s like all the “fun times” are gone, but the bullshit remains. I’m not craving a drink, but wondering if I’m going to feel bad about life (in general) sober why not feel bad and have a social life again, ya know what I mean. As much as I’ve been dedicated to my sober life it just doesn’t seem like it’s enough to get me through the day.
Sobriety = no more blindness from booze or other addictions. No more numbness. No more hiding.
In sobriety, we see life clearly and we have the opportunity to learn and grow, which we never had in addiction. (In addiction we were stuck, like being trapped in mud.)
We have a skill set to learn, to navigate our emotions in a healthy way and walk through life one day at a time. All people need to learn these things, whether they’re addicts or not; for us, it is something we need to catch up on because we wasted so much time being stuck in the addiction swamp.
Thanks, Matt. Yes, no more hiding or burying my head in the bottle as I would liken it too. The sober experience is raw. I’m engaged, less depressed, but I feel more (and even cry more as a release) I guess is a bland, but exact way of putting it. I made a choice and now I have to deal with it unbuzzed, like it or not.
Baseline, I’ve had a romantic idea of sobriety over the last few months once over the 100 day hump; Only alcohol abusing me would quit my job in a blaze of glory turning my life on its head irresponsibly. Now I know that’s not true AND booze didn’t influence my irrational actions either. A strange new feeling to learn from, essentially.
In my experience, sobriety gives me a fighting chance to manage life on life’s terms, as they say. It sure as heck only got worse when I was a hot, drunk mess. It isn’t by itself the silver bullet though.
Recovery programs are where it’s at for managing the rest. Real, practical advice for how to 1) sort through the wreckage I made while drinking and 2) getting my head in a place to enjoy a sober life.
It’s definitely an adjustment, finding daily peace and not goin nuts, but one worth making I think.
The fun times are u being honest with yourself and not being ok is sometimes ok. Just don’t downplay your success bc you are doing a great job sounds like u just were around negative people. Stay strong and lean on your sober thoughts more bc honestly u are thinking very clear and your aren’t messing up your life you are making it better and I believe in you
