It’s so sad what’s happening to her. Your niece. I cannot believe you’re kinda in my boat from 30 years ago. It’s such a long story. I love to share. Maybe little pieces at a time. It wasn’t always easy. My niece’s parents were busted for selling heroin to a cop in Houston. Mom got jail time and get this? Dad got mandatory rehab. We did the elementary school thing and took care of her at her fun pre teen years.
Unfortunately we had to let her go back to her mom after jail time. Her Mom and dad got divorced. Her Mom continued her addictive ways. My wife and I had started a family and when my niece’s mom finally went to rehab we just couldn’t take her. I wish we did. Anyway (I’m going to call my niece S) S went to boarding school Mom stayed in rehab and dad I guess didn’t want her. We got S back when she was 13 and our kids weren’t babies anymore. And truthfully it was hell having a teenager while our own children were very young. It was the right thing to do but those teenage years were awful. S ran away. S did drugs. Etc. I was always so mad. It was terrible. I look back now and I totally understand. But we got through it. S hated her parents so much and S just wanted to be loved. We did the best we could.
Fast forward.
Mom was in and out of rehabs and abusive boyfriends. Dad got remarried and had another daughter . S is a hairstylist and was doing her own thing. Everyone was managing.
One day we found out my niece’s mom moved in with my niece. We both asked her why? I mean WTF!! My favorite thing in life was my niece’s response. After about 23 or 24 years my niece said she “ran out of Hate”.
But we have a wonderful relationship as hard as it was and all is well now. I’m glad we did what we did.
I guess I just summed it up in one note. Be happy to share more if I can help.
God Bless you.
For what it’s worth. Wifey was always the nice one and I was always the hard ass uncle. I say this in the most loving way but wifey gets all pissed off cuz it appears S is always coming to me for help or giving me praise from the past. Guess she needed a hard ass.
Thank you so much for taking the time to share your story we are in such a similar situation. I’m unsure of what the future has in store for us but we are going to do everything in our power to do what’s right by her. We are helping her work through her pain and giving it a voice because she internalizes everything. I’m sure we have a lot of hard times ahead of us but we are up for the task
And it’s amazing to hear that your niece has found some peace through it all. And I’m sure it has so much to do with you and your wife’s love and guidance
That’s very admirable of you. I just always thought back then a child should have a roof over her head and food and a loving family. And a bed to call home. Even if it isn’t her home. Good luck. You are in my prayers and so is your niece. What a great way to be sober. Addiction sucks!! I just wish I knew what I know now back then. Teenage years suck even when it is your own children. They all grow up and come back to you. Do your best. Stick to your guns. And just love her.
So after lunch…We eat a late lunch and feed our pets at 2. Wifey always goes for the white wine. Today I went for the rake. I raked pine needles for an hour instead. Now I’m sitting on the deck next to her and the cats enjoying my cool water and TS. I think my next beverage will be a sparkling LaCroix with lemon. Ahhhh. The good sober life.
Thank you so much for your words and prayers! We will definitely need them. And I agree, addiction sucks! I believe that my sobriety was all in God’s plan because I could have never effectively cared for her while I was actively drinking. She needs someone who is available and attentive to everything she’s dealing with, and that definitely wasn’t me with alcohol involved. I have am almost 19 year old step son (he came into my life at 2 years old) so I’ve been through some tough teenage years however in all our failings, we managed to raise a pretty terrific young man. Anyway, thank you again. It’s nice to speak with someone who truly understands
Stained my dad’s massive shop, burned all his ditches of the weeds, sighted in a .17hmr, my piston fed .223 with leupold devo and lco optic. Then zeroed my new .308 with a nightforce AtacR scope and got data out to 1400 yards. Then went to a neighbor’s house because his barn caught fire and tried to help get as much out of the way as possible.
I have a routine in the morning that includes meditation and scooping the cat’s litter box. I am also a guitarist and songwriter which provides a great place to refocus. I also love near the ocean, and tears and saltwater are both good liquid alternatives to guzzling tequila. I thought your idea of drawing for your community sounded great.
I am taking your advice. My character flaw I want to work on today is ctiticism, spoken and just thought. The 180 I think would be accepting and encouraging. Sound okay?
I spoke to people who care, one had a gift for me which was a nice thought, drinking peppermint tea and kit kats.
The main change today though is my belief in me. Its been a long time coming.
Took my temp, looked at my 02 saturation, looked at a message on my phone from a friend who constantly relapses and pondered if I should call him back, waiting on a refrigerator to be delivered which meant unpacking the old one, talked to some fellow addicts, calling the friend right now.
. S is a hairstylist and was doing her own thing. Everyone was managing.
however in all our failings, we managed to raise a pretty terrific young man. Anyway, thank you again. It’s nice to speak with someone who truly understands 
great.