Always nice to meet a new fellow alkie going through the effort of talking to internet ppl on the toilet.
Yay America!
Thanks for the funny post and welcome to this place! A lot of what you say rings true for me. I shied away from life like you do. Even tho I thought about myself and my problems all the fucking time, I could not get any clear understanding of anything. It’s called denial, my friend, and being afraid of one’s feelings. It’s normal, but it can cause a lot of problems and you need help to get out of it and it’ll be scary.
I did go into therapy and I’m still w my analyst five years later. Doing that saved my life. But I had to be sober to do it.
From your post it isn’t clear, do you want to get sober?
If you do:
There is a lot of other resources you can and should expose yourself to, but therapy with the right person will go deepest, for sure.
Immerse yourself here and in recovery content. Sobriety, recovery, personal change for the better: it can be done, by anyone, but you have to do it.