To the relapser: vol. 9

Choose your hard!

I wrote up both my managers today, and I used this expression. Instead of owning up to what they didn’t do, they made excuses and turned what happened onto everyone else’s fault but them. They chose their hard. In the coming days and weeks when they have to live up to their excuses, they wont be having fun.

It made me think about sobriety. Kicking addiction is hard, there is no easy way around it. However, there are a lot of “harder ways” to go about it.

For example…AA. Now, full disclosure, I am an AAer and this isn’t a recruiting thread…its just a darn good example.

I hear people say it’s not for them because its religious and they don’t like hearing about God. Heck, some people’s religious rants in meetings bug me…

BUT, I chose my hard. 1) quit AA and relapse, or 2) live through a couple minutes of God talk. For me, I choose “hard” number 2. Why? It beats getting arrested for a DUI, going to prison for a DUI. 2 minutes, or even a whole meeting with God overtones is still less hard than death. AA has saved countless lives…so I tolerate somthing less hard.

AA is full of people…I will do it on my own. Sure, do that…but you have relapsed after relapse after relapse. Choose your hard. I am an introvert, talking to people sucks, its physically hard. Crowds suck, its physically hard to sit still and not run away. So, I choose my hard…a meeting is better, than death, a hangover, not being able to pay a bill because I drank my money away.

AA says I am powerless…I am not powerless! Ok, you keep relapsing. Choose your hard…1) swallow a little pride…or swallow another bottle and kill your liver

Choose your hard. Nothing is easy, but some ways are just harder than others

Stay sober friends.


I’m not an AA person myself but I do like that “chose your hard” phrase. Good stuff.


Substitute AA for anything else that people resist doing. Just an example.


The example works well!! I have nothing at all against AA, I’ve just never done it myself.


So much easier for me to fix things when I look at what I did wrong and what I can change.

Great topic


At one time or another, I said all those things about AA. Truth is, I wasn’t done drinking and I knew the people in AA would ask me to stop!


I always laugh when I read the line in the big book, “we thought we could find an easier and softer way but we could not”. If you ask me, AA IS the easier and softer way! It just took me swallowing my pride and my prejudiced opinions to really TRY it. I wanted nothing to do with AA the first two years I got sober. My higher power led me there and I trusted enough to say OK, I’m in…And it was the BEST decision of my life! It was much harder with no local support network. Without the people who are actively working their recovery. Without the motivation daily to continue down my path of becoming a better person. Without knowing myself, the why’s of what happened and my part in it so I could really change. I always blamed everyone else too. But I always had my hands dirty too. I get to live in the solution today with others who have impressive sober times, even through many hardships and struggles. It’s much easier to face them sober, nothing good would come from me burying my issues in a bottle-been there done that and don’t want any more t-shirts. They are still there when I’m dry (if I’d ever make it there again) and my life is a WAY bigger mess that way. No thanks, it’s been great to do things differently for different results the last 3 years. One day at a time and man my life is so good today! I’m able to hold out my hands to others that need it to be a chain in the link today in the solution. So so SO incredible the gifts given to me in AA! If we aren’t growing, we’re going. And I choose to stay and while life is hard, I am blessed to live it fully today. :heart:


By the time I went to AA, I was ready to open up my closet and clean out the skeletons. Truth be told, us with a few 24 hrs…need to remember that it took us being ready…not being told…

I just hope that a thread like this reaches someone who is finally ready.


Thank you for this post…

I know i struggled with the God part of aa/na, when I was in rehab and had to do the first steps…
There was a question of who is your higher power… I did so much reading and I felt comfortable in saying my HP is creative intelligence…
It has helped me throughany struggles…


You know, it took me a VERY long time to be willing. Hell, I wouldn’t admit I was an alcoholic and mean it for what, I think a year after I was sober? I just knew life was a little better than it used to be and I couldn’t think of one true HONEST reason to drink after chatting the amazing folks in here that helped me save my life. Life is a hell of a lot better in the last year I’ve been attending AA. Hell, I am putting an offer in tomorrow on a house I went to see today! So so SO thankful I became ready and willing to do the work. When I was repeating some or my patterns and mistakes in sobriety, I KNEW I needed to do something different. I wasn’t sure what. I tried AA when I was 4 months sober, 4 meetings, and I hated it honestly. I wasn’t ready. I went for a friend. I didn’t get it and I was NOT willing. I thought it was for everyone else, but not me. However I remember the power in those rooms with those with decades of sobriety under their belt. My higher power lead me back to AA 2 years later the morning after I asked to be shown clearly and obviously the way to help me stop whatever it was that I was doing wrong. Turns out, I hadn’t started the work yet. I became willing immediately though as it hit me like a ton of bricks. I received a message from someone I saw in those 4 meetings, 2 years later, asking if I had ever considered AA on zoom. I was completely isolated and just started working from home. I said nope, I haven’t. But, maybe I should attend a step meeting. He said let me have my wife reach out. Well, she happened to be the lady I saw in those meetings I said, “If I ever do the steps, it’ll be with her” and she was on my doorstep the next morning after asking for guidance. It was clear to me that’s where I belonged at that moment and I am SO thankful I was tired enough of doing the same things that I finally became willing. So so so thankful for so many things, willingness, the solution, sobriety, healing-I could go on for hours. Man, thanks for posting this too, I actually got on here earlier to post an update but saw a headline that stood out and clicked it-which spurred all of this inner dialogue for me instead. I needed this today. :heart:


Congratulations Mandi! I’m so excited for you. The gifts of sobriety are never ending.


I need to take this advice. I keep relapsing. I’ve decided I’m putting my all into recovery this time, and I really am going to work the NA program.


Glad to see you Kayla. None of us can do it alone. Together we have a chance of making it. together we’re strong. Here, in NA, wherever whenever we need to pull together and work our sobriety to make the magic happen. One day at a time. So welcome to this place, which is a great place for support, for sharing, for fighting the good fight together. All success to you lady!


Great to hear! Keep us posted how it goes!

@Lifechanging because you said it was hard


I denied for so long I was an addict…

I’d simply make up an excuse for using and an excuse of why I needed to stop.

I remember in my first 30 days this time round instead of lying, dodging the help and denying the brutal honestly of being addicted to substance… Something for me lifted.

I for the first time in my life instead of it being a whisper in my head actual admitted to myself and to a room full of other that I was an addict.

I told my doctor,
I informed the mental health team
I spoke openly when I needed an op that I wouod not accept pain relief…

Because for every event in my life, I exposed myself to a substance to get through all those curve balls of life…

There is no secret to success. It is the result of preparation hard work and learning from failure


The joys of training on third shift…they dont need trained because the are awesome…so I have time to re-read my old stuff…


Did your wife get the decorations put away or do you keep them up for awhile?

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This year, she started pulling them down the day after. All that is left is our bedroom. Normally they would still be up. We are updating the kitchen, and she wanted Christmas put away first. She is excited to get going on the Kitchen.

I bet! Kitchen remodels are such a pain, but will be awesome when done. Good luck with that. Hope it goes smoothly!

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