I’ve been wondering and kinda wanting to ask if either of your kids take after your sassyness? 
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I’ve definitely been the villain in my wife’s story. She’s had to suffer a lot of disappointment and betrayal from me. I’ve been a decent husband at times, but often a pretty sucky one. I’m just lucky that she’s patient with me.
@SassyRocks Perspective is everything though. I’m definitely not the villain. No one is really a villain, just an individual.
How about this for perspective with a little D&D theme magic.
Farmer finds treasure on his property and becomes wealthy. People come inquiring after it and he decides that he needs to hire guards to protect it. He builds walls around his property and buys exotic pets to help protect his wealth. Adventurers keep trying to break into his home to steal his treasure. He builds traps and brings in monsters to stop the adventurers. Soon he realizes that he’s become a dungeon boss. The adventurer’s never stop trying to challenge him to steal his wealth. He hates the adventurers.
You can always look at people and do judgements based on what you see, but we never truly know what’s going on in their lives, right? So, we can’t be too harsh on ourselves. It took a lot of trauma to get us to where we are. We aren’t 100% to blame for our addictions. A lot of it, but not all. Life just deals us sucky blows.
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So true, love your way of putting it.
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Walking to work I am thinking how much quit lit, how many books i read bettering myself, to grow, to be self-compassionate. All along having a glass of wine in the other hand. And I was in such self-pity reading all this and being unable to really understand it. It didn’t reach a fruitful ground.
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Perhaps it did and the seeds were planted. In my experience lasting change of any kind happens incrementally, over time. No one becomes an expert at or on something immediately…we learn, add to our knowledge base, practice…think of it like learning a hobby, trade or school subject such as math. All is a laying of the foundation and then building upon it to expand your understanding and expertise. Baby steps add up. 
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@SassyRocks So true. One can have the knowledge without the wisdom for sure. Doesn’t matter if you know something, if you’re unwilling to implement it into your life.
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Lots is seeds planted for me as well. Those self-help books aren’t needed as much anymore.
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For some reason this reminds me of…
Three frogs sat on a log. One decided to jump off. How many frogs on the log?
Three.
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I hadn’t heard that in a while, thanks!
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Dogs and frogs and logs! Color me confused! 
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Dangit! Typo fixed. 
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So crazy, at over 3.5 years drug free (liquid drug included) when I read “I have separate counters for drugs and booze,” my addict says to me, “hmm, you could always restart and have separate timers.” No you can not,
alcohol is a drug period, separating timers is dangerous. If you are anything like me you need to abstain from all mood and mind altering substaces.
And side note: i would have so many fucking timers if i started a timer for all the drugs I have stopped using in my life when I stopped using them. “I’ve been clean from crack for 22 years” “I’ve been clean from opium for 24 years” “Ive been clean from benzos for … " oh wait yeah, " Meth free for 18 years!”
No… fuck, I have 3.5 years clean because I’m a raging dope feind who just kept switching her drugs for something else trying her hardest to survive this disease we have. Finally I have found a way to live without drugs, finally. Being honest with myself has helped.
Rant over.
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I keep timers for alcohol and cigarettes/nicotine…9 years apart. The only reason I keep the cigarette one after all these years is because I like seeing the savings, when I think to look. All the other stuff, I don’t timer that. Alcohol was my main nemesis all these decades. Still struggle with sleep when stressed (hello 2023), but I don’t have that on a timer. It isn’t sucking my soul/making me want to die.
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Yeah, I stopped doing drugs long before alcohol. But that was mostly because I left the UK and no longer had access to a uber-sniff (sorry, bad joke) who I could summon to my door with one text. I’m inherently lazy like that.
If I ever decide to quit vaping / nicotine, I might do a separate timer for it, though. But that day is not today.
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Obscene amount of money!!! 
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One thing I seem to forget, especially on here, is that you can’t scare an alcoholic into sobriety. I’ve seen plenty of people drink themselves into early graves after being told by every doctor they needed to stop, but they didn’t care. Or maybe they did care and just didn’t know how to stop. Either way they are dead.
I don’t know what the difference is between them and me (other than my status of alive) that gave me the desire to get sober. I don’t know why I survived long enough to get that desire and they didn’t. And honestly, I don’t need to know. Maybe it’s just the odds.
What I do know is that once I found that desire I was able to find a way out. All the overdoses, health scares, and accidents never stopped me. Didn’t even phase me. For me the only place that desire could have possibly come from was a power greater than myself. Once I had the desire AA took me the rest of the way home.
Hopefully someone who is stuck in the cycle of constant relapse can pull something from this post. There is a way out.
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In the last 3.5 years I have seen plenty of desperation bring plenty of addicts to the rooms with a deep desire to stop the chaos and suffering they are in. I have also seen a high percentage of them go back out after a short time, and I think the difference isnt that they dont have the desire. The addicts I have seen do but they are missing the willingness to get honest with themselves, and to feel the pain that it takes to really recover. Living as a clean addict is not for the faint of heart, it takes a lot of courage.
I pray for them a lot.
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One of my favorite meeting leaders says AA is for those that want it and are willing. Have to have both.
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I never drank or did drugs because they were easily accessible. I did them because I had absolutely no defenses against picking up.
It is impossible to completely shield yourself from drugs an especially booze, so if that’s your plan you’re going to pick up again. Find a program and work it so you can actually enjoy the freedom from the substance rather than living in fear that a beer might jump out of the can and into your throat.
Now this isn’t to say that you shouldn’t try to avoid boozy situations in early sobriety, you absolutely should. I’m just saying that isolation won’t work forever and if you don’t do the self work you will never get a defense against picking up the next one.
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All I’m getting from this meme is that Harry was one of us.
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