Slow day at work so I got some extra room up there lol.
Are you an expert on the subject?
Right! That is you! It is different for every individual. Everybody is trying to find the way that works best for them. It is up to them.
Though love, hugs and sunshine. All of it. I personally don’t think bitching about people bitching falls into tough love category.
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Again, I’m not sure why you are on this thread. It’s clearly not something you would be interested in. Buuuut, if people continue to focus on problems rather than solutions of course they won’t get better. They will continue to blame others and live in the past. It doesn’t take an expert to realize that method is not productive. And though we may be different individuals, the fact is we are all addicts in some way. And we can all get sober by doing the same thing. There is a reason NA and AA have gotten millions of people sober for decades. Terminal uniqueness is the curse of many addicts and alcoholics. I suffered from it for years. Thinking I was different or special just kept me running on self will. When I came to the realization that I am just like every single addict and alcoholic in the world it became a lot easier to find recovery.
Today my life is awesome. Even when it’s not. If issues come up, I immediately look for solutions rather than sitting in my shit.
But as I mentioned earlier, you are, of course, free to suffer well.
Please mute my thread and take care!
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Glad you found a way that works for you.
I will not be commenting any longer as I realized that you feel that you can give tough love, or show the way to it but not willing to take it yourself. May the rest of your journey be smooth and sober.
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For some of us tough love works, I had to have it but also got the softer approach from others. Yes it is uncomfortable to hear, but it’s true. Calling me out on my BS excuses was the best thing for me. @Englishd has had plenty of tough love thrown his way, if you took the time to read posts from many of the regulars you would know their stories better, but like most members they can’t be bothered to take the time and read the posts that might actually help or save them
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Well I am glad for that. But even though I am curious what your “tough love” was that you were trying to distribute. I definitely do take suggestions from people who are working solid programs and live in the solution. I wouldn’t be here unless I did. Like when people told me to go to meetings, I went, instead of listing a bunch of reasons why I couldn’t. There’s some great sobriety on this forum, people with long term sobriety who I respect very much.
@RedDragon tough love is pretty much the only thing I understand lol. When I hit the relationship rough patch a while back I immediately called people who would give it to me straight. No one said “oh poor baby, it’s going to be ok”. They made me read the big book. They made me look at my role in my problems. It worked. I can safely say that every problem, real or imagined, in my life is of my own doing. God does not have people do things to me, but rather for me. Each rough day is a learning experience for which I am grateful. I have survived funerals, lack of family, a crumbling relationship, a scary time where I thought I was going to lose my unborn baby, homelessness, and a list of other things while in sobriety. Those problems only went away when I stopped feeling sorry for myself and started working towards a solution. If I sat in my shit I would have lost my mind.
I will say this time around it was a lot easier to not blame others, because there were no others. Everyone in my life had moved on (rightfully so I might add). Friends wouldn’t call me back. Parents wouldn’t let me home. I hadn’t spoken to relatives in years. Relationships were not even possible. We I had nothing introspection became possible. My actions and reactions are what lead to my problems. No one else.
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Tough love = Being brutally honest with yourself, not feeling sorry for yourself and owning up to your shit.
Buuuuut,
People are trying to figure out their shit. Without diagnosis there could not be a solution.
By the way, you are not the only one to return from the edge. Many of us here could write bestselling autobiographies.
I was on your thread because I believe that total honesty is a must for lasting sobriety, therefore tough love has to be provided, holding a mirror to those who needs to see the ugly truth in order to sober up.
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I mean no disrespect by this but all you are showing is that you read a lot of posts, doesn’t say you have read people’s stories or asking for advice, just saying 
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I doubt anyone would read mine. It’s exactly like every other alcoholic’s. Boy gets drunk, boy stays drunk, boy finds drugs, boy ruins life, boy finds recovery. I’m a garden variety drunk. Just how I like it.
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Complaining. That should’ve been caps, highlighted, bold whatever. I may have complained early on but like you said I realized it won’t do anything. Actually working on my sobriety is getting me sober.
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Exactly. I have to bite my tongue when the whining, self-pitying posts pop up. I guess most addicts go through it to some degree, the victim mentality, when in reality, they have done/are doing it to themselves. Sobriety takes willpower, accepting responsibility for your own life/actions, and working every minute of every day to make your life different (mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually) to prevent drinking/doing drugs ever again.
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When I find that I need to vent I will pray to my higher power and unload everything, and then at the end I ask God to remove whatever my issue is. I ask what my role is in my problem. If I don’t seek a solution then my problem will consume me.
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I’m in the same boat. Mostly because on a personal level I’m dealing with someone that is a “dry addict” and wants to blame everyone else but himself on why he’s in the place he’s at. So right now I’m having a hard time showing compassion. But I get there is a place for both-empathy and tough love.
Tough love, even just a straight forward comment, worked best for me in early recovery. And that’s what seems to work best so far.
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Thank you for this thread! I have 276 days since my last drink, but 125 IN RECOVERY thanks to my program. I have a sponsor; I’m working the steps, and I go to meetings. There is no other way for me to be sober🙏
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As one of my local old timers that I trust says “get off your pity pot and think about what you’re grateful for”. 
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this is the tippy top of this thread.
Yes!!! No pity parties allowed. For your own sake, ya know?
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Poor me. Poor me. Pour me. Pour me another drink.
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I think the new thread name will attract more readers
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