Agreed.
Every time I read a relapse post I thank God, myself, my HP, that I’m X amount of days from the mess I used to be.
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I do remember that Cate. Back then I was upset because I thought that I had upset you. I’m glad that it set something in motion for you.
These days I put my wisdom out there and if it’s like or not I’m not bothered, for the exact reason you say. Maybe someone gets something from it. It sits there slowly burning. I know that that has happened for me as well. I read something and it takes a while for it to make sense.
I’m happy you are getting on, and it does show in your post’s.
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This reminds me of giving advice to my adult daughter. I used to do that a lot, when she would ask and when she wouldn’t. It was very frustrating when she didn’t follow my practical, been there, advice.
Over time, I really got that hearing my advice was an important part of her process. But I am 100% not in control of what she does with that. And I am now pretty okay with that. It has helped our relationship a lot for us to be at that point…me to be at that point…letting go of my expectation of how she will act on advice.
I find that sharing my experience can be more empowering and resonate more with some people. We all travel different paths and have different ways of learning, incorporating knowledge and changing our habits and behaviors. What works for some, doesn’t for others. What motivates some, works the opposite for others.
I see people getting overly invested in someone else’s journey or feeling like they owe you something because you gave them advice. I get it. You give your time and energy and they do the opposite or not at all. Learning to be okay with others journeys, even as you watch it kill them, is hard.
It is okay to be frustrated with your friend for sure. It sounds like you may need some boundaries around your relationship, which would help you both I bet.
In the end, we all DO figure it out or not on our own, even with all the different aspects of support…we can take in all the info others share…but we alone are responsible for our actions.
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Exactly…it is ALL building blocks. We take it in, consciously or unconsciously, and it does make a difference. Maybe not immediately, but it does.
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I think part of the frustration is deep down inside we wish there had been someone like us today, helping us from yesterday, when we couldn’t string more than a day or two sober. The question is, would we from yesterday have listened?
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Okay, but just for today. Tomorrow all bets are off.
(this is excellent, Michelle!)
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I love this I always start my day off with this reading. I got this on a card the first time I ever went to a meeting x
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This. If I’m frustrated at all its because I identify the thinking that kept me drunk longer than I needed to be.
I could have listened at any point, but hadn’t reached my bottom yet. And even with a pretty high bottom situationally speaking, it was torture enough I don’t want it for anyone else.
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Having been both the constant relapser and now the almost one year sober I think we need to step back and remember that, although it seems like our advice is being ignored, we ARE planting seeds. Just because they don’t instantly go to meetings or rehab etc doesn’t mean they didn’t hear it. They aren’t ready yet. But they are making a list of all the things they will need to do if they can’t get it together alone. All we can do is pray that they start trying those things before they die.
Nobody hits rock bottom completely unaware.
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I relate 100% with this
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Absolutely!! This!!!
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This discussion about advice given but not taken has been great to read. Appreciate that people can have a discussion on here without it turning ugly. 
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All this understanding aside, activity on this thread is what I missed most while you were away, Derek. Not your horrible memes. 
Cuz this is the stuff I needed to hear louder and clearer pre-recovery. The stuff that got me out. Get real and get sober today, y’all!
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Even when it gets heated, it’s from compassion for the relapser, not malicious feelings.
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People constantly relapsing AND posting about it, is hard for me to relate to. Might have something to do with my personality. I lurked around here for a few months while I was still using. I read but not even that much. Then I quit and started posting, reading more, interacting. I decided this was it and this place was going to help me being accountable and so far it’s working.
I’m not judging anybody but I find it hard to give direct support to people that keep relapsing and are posting about it. I will support relapsers but if they keep coming back with the same relapse message I tend to leave them alone.
Writing this I think actually the best support to give is to stay sober and clean myself and share about it. And that’s what I’m trying to do. It’s been said before: giving advice is no use really. We help each other by sharing our experiences. And in that respect those that relapse all the times are helping me too. I learn from them and their struggles. I hope others can learn something from me and my stuff. In the end I am here for myself in the first place. We help ourselves by helping each other and we help each other by helping ourselves.
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I’ve been looking for this thread! Glad it made its way back to the top.
Before bottom I would’ve heard but not listened. But eventually the message got through my thick head, not because I heard it a certain way, but because I finally chose to listen after hearing it a million fucking times in a million different ways.
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Or maybe we tried everything else, besides what we were hearing, determined to do it our way. When we ran out of other things to try, the only things left were the things that ultimately work.
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I don’t really care if my advice is followed. I know it works for me. I just wonder what the mindset is of continuing to do the same thing when you’ve know it’s not going to work. For me I had no interest in getting better
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I am pretty sure it is called denial and/or self delusion.
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