This thread was started at the same time that I was quite loudly advocating for more gentleness and tact with some of the advice given on the forums here in general. At the time, I took it as a personal attack. I interpreted it as behind-the-back talk and took the timing to mean it was also personal in nature. I thought the “if you’re overly sensitive this thread isn’t for you” meant “@ifs keep out”. Perspective with time, cooled emotion, and getting to know people better showed me that was not the case.
I get what you’re feeling. I do. And I do see how it could have come across in a different way than intended. There’s lots of communication styles, and they don’t always translate perfectly. But as others have said, we’re addressing common themes that pop up, and the timing doesn’t have to mean anything.
Actually it was more of a statement in general when I started this thread. I’ve been hearing the same shit since May about my style so I decided to have this thread. Seems to have worked out. If people notice any similarities to things I’m saying here that’s on them lol.
I know, I get you. I had been making it all about me in my head. My ego issues were even more out of hand then
I have come to appreciate this thread very much actually. A lot of what I used to think was offensive or bullying from various people was actually just my interpretation, not the straight meaning, and I’m seeing that more now. Occasionally I do think someone goes a bit far for my taste, but we do pretty good as a group, in general.
Even if he did or didnt it doesnt matter… Its a reminder to others that may think the same way as you do. Your not the only or first person to post or think that way its fairly common and just the addict mind justifying that it was ok when reality it wasnt. As us addicts always love to turn one into 12 in a few hours. Its a dangerous game of roulette. Lesson learned and you can now move on. As for anyone else that thinks its ok because u had one its a reset. The faster you get back to the sober life the better. The sober life is where we thrive and show off our true colors …
I watched your thread unfold and the conversation that developed here after. When I read this thread I actually thought “she is going to read this one day soon, put two and two together and that’s gonna sting”
I’m also in the Uk and I totally get your comment on how we get annoyed and how you would interpret the comments. I have been on here a while now, I’m 100 days today and as I’ve progressed I’ve learnt that we do need to be able to look at our old behaviours (I was defensive about programmes at first) and realise that it was just our response from a place of insecurity. Now I’m further on in my sobriety I can look back and almost have a giggle at the way I was in the beginning. Have you checked out the “you might be an alcoholic if” thread? The comment you refer to would fit perfectly there, I love the thread and find it really funny to be able to look back at my behaviours and acknowledge how I was in the beginning.
As others have said being defensive at the start of your journey is pretty much standard for a lot of addicts and it looked to me like the comments here were just speaking of a viewpoint that we see often among people at the start of their journey from the posters own viewpoint of a bit more experience in how people on here tend to develop over time.
I don’t know if it helps at all but I’m glad to see you are sticking around and finding the forum helpful, everyone here is genuinely routing for you and while opinions sometimes differ we all just want to see everyone else succeed
When people look outside themselves and make this type of connection, well, it makes me breath easier. I think lot of people will agree. This shit aint easy. It’s really, really hard. It makes my heart happy that you have made an important realization and can move one small step forward.
In fairness, i did the exact same thing when i joined the forum. @C-sun flagged me and moved the topic i was complaining about. I spoke to a moderator and then came to realize that i dont run other people’s lives or sobriety. The only person that im responsible for is myself (and my family of course).
Well done, I’m really pleased to see your progress. I sometimes get wound up and have strong emotional reactions to things that go on here. But, for the most part, people want to and are trying to help. Sometimes others’ styles of help do not jive with my thought on what I need. Sometimes I do not have a good understanding of what I need or what I think I need might not be what I REALLY need.
I try to treat my emotional responses to stuff on here as a lesson, for me. How can I adjust my mindset to be tolerant of others? I can’t control what others do or don’t do, but how can I control my reaction to it? Am I going to let someone else disrupt my serenity? What can I learn about myself in the process? I am not always successful at these things, but I have, through this process, shifted my own mindset from self-righteousness towards finding ways to learn and grow from my emotional reactions.
Really proud of you for still being here, still being sober and continuing to learn and grow.
The thing is…you recognized your emotional reaction to that other post RIGHT AWAY and you have been willing to learn from it. I think that is all anyone wanted from you…not for you to say “yes, I will do what you tell me to” but only to be open to the suggestions. I think the comment here came before you did that so really the comment ended up being moot. I am sorry that you felt attacked after the fact. But the truth is…the comment could be of value to someone else that is new.
Start a “PNG List”. Works for me. I don’t gel with someone, or they post something that angers or annoys me? They go on the Personae Non Grata list. I don’t read their topics or comments, don’t like any of their stuff, don’t reply to anything they post. No “hashing it out”, no discussion. No confronation. No “wink wink” oblique comments in the lounge or this thread. Peaceful coexistence through lack of recognition.
Yeah, i have yet to flag anybody…ive seen things worthy of flagging but usually someone has already done it. I refrain from doing it anyway because it only takes a couple to bar someone access to the lounge and other features on here and who am i to hinder someones access to resources on here simply because i dont like something they said to me or posted just in general? I hadnt been able to access this thread until Derek recategorized it and took it out of the lounge recently bc of those 2 memes my dumbass posted a couple months ago lol. No doubt flagging is vital but sometimes we get a bit too liberal with em when a quick conversation like the one @DungeonMaster and @BobIsGone just had could solve the problem…
