So this is probably going to rile some people up, even for this thread.
But if you can’t get sober yourself, you really shouldn’t be telling other people how to get sober. It’s cool to share your experience and say what didn’t work for you, but the whole “you need to do…” Is bullshit. How you gonna tell someone what they need to do to get sober when you aren’t.?
Also sober means sober. Not just abstaining from your DOC. Don’t come in here bragging about putting down A, while still doing B and C. You are obviously missing the point.
This is mostly a personal view of mine so take it for what it’s worth. But if you feel like I’m personally attacking you (I’m not) then good you probably need to hear it.
suggestions tho are okay? Not telling ’ you need to do this that or the other’ I agree, but there is the small steps of suggesting what worked and that’s part of a fellow helping a fellow… Maybe?
Suggestions are different for sure. And for me it was even more important to hear what didn’t work. I’m not saying people don’t have anything to offer, bc everyone’s experience is beneficial. But I’ve seen people who aren’t sober give advice that is really bad or completely off topic.
Sure, advice should come from experience, and one (like myself) that has been in and out of the rooms for 20 years I guess the ‘advice’ wouldn’t be taken!! Lol. But it’s still all experiences to be shared. End of day 2 for me… I picked up an na book that was signed back in Nov 2006…sadly The chair of that meeting at that time is no longer here,I looked at her signed name and message as a living message(does that make sense) ,the literature I have read the last 2 days has been very helpful and TS, is all hitting me hard.
I can’t really give specifics bc I don’t want to put people on blast, but there’s people here who give all sorts of advice, and act like they experts, but aren’t sober.
If I go out and relapse tonight, and then come here spouting off how people need to do this or that to get sober, I’m going to look like an idiot. If I relapse I was clearly doing something wrong. I’m much better off telling people what didn’t work
Sadly some people still relapse even on a program working the steps. Sponsors even relapse. We are only human. You see veterans that have been sober crumble which is why we must stay humble and vigilant no matter what program got us sober. Yes a program will help teach you how to stay sober but you are the applicator. I dont think one addict shall feel any farther away from a relapse then any other addict or new comer. Yes, many of us are on more solid footing then others but it only take a tramatizing situation to bring us to our knees…
I have really tried to take “need to” out of my vocabulary. For others and for myself. Of course, not always with success. It slips in there sometimes.
It’s a weak statement. First, how do I know what you need to do? And you don’t have to do anything I say, so therefore the decision on need is up to you. Second, if I “need” to, it should already be done and I am probably just procrastinating.
To what extent though? At what point has what worked for me…worked? If I have a drink, it hasnt worked so by that rationale, i’d need to be sober for life and then dead to say “That worked”?
I wish I could quote on my mobile but it never works.
I’ve had a saying that I like. It goes: Fear will get you to stop drinking but hope will get you sober.
But that is a different hope than “I hope I stop drinking”. The hope I mean is the hope of a better life by being sober. That hope will get you to do the work.
Yeah this post got sidetracked. If you got some time then clearly some things have worked. But I remember a few months back someone was just preaching what everyone should do, be they weren’t sober, and really never had much time. But even if you have a million years (and I can be guilty of this too) you shouldn’t be telling people what they need to do. I need to watch this myself.
yep… and never trust an electrician with no eyebrows