Welcome Colleen to TS.
There is a lot going on in your life. I am sorry for your mom. This must be very hard.
As @Mephistopheles already said keep on using will only make things worse and by reading your thoughts and reflections it looks as if atm your addiction is taking over again. You know what is good, going back into rehab. Follow this voice instead of piling up more and more lies. Being honest at this point is the key.
I wish you all the best. Keep coming back.
I’ll post some links which might help you:
2023 Roll Call – Introduce yourself!