I have never been to a meeting, but I was close going a few weeks ago. That would probably be a good step. What about telling my familly though, my problem is a big secret in my life right now,I am scared of the the people I know are not addicts at ALL
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I appreciate your words and your prayers
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I think it would be a great step. As far as telling your family that’s up to you. I don’t know your circumstances or your family.
I would focus on starting on day 1 and go from there.
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I wrote that exact statement almost 6 years ago. It took me 90 days to get the courage to go. If i could go back in time, i would drag past monkey into a meeting.
Its hard to believe right now, but you will leave that first meeting full of empowerment, full of courage, full of new friends…just GO!!!
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Thank you - this thought scares me. Is it so black and white - drunk I am a terrible person, sober I am good?
Am I barganing rn? 
I appreciate your words, I want to be a good person to others, that is very hard when I am drunk.
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This hit me very hard, thank you for your reply
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I don’t know you but likely it’s not like that at all. Drunk, you’re just not you.
Your response doesn’t relate to what I said. If you keep trying to sober up for others it may never happen. It’s your life. You need to want to do it to for yourself first and foremost.
Picture yourself in another 20 years. What if you’re still doing this then?
You ask why are you not done yet? What we interpret as pleasure from alcohol is in fact only relief from withdrawal. Hence the never ending cycle.
I remember thinking when I was just getting started and trying to hide a beer under the coffee table: “What if I’m still doing this 10 years from now?”
Guess what? Unsurprisingly I was.
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I been going through this with meth i am a pro. I always go to work eat 3 or 4 meals a day so i dont loose weight and never use after 2 pm so I can sleep. I never hit bottom this time but after battling with myself for months i decided to reach out to sober friends and eventually found na. Just dont let it take you away if you need to talk hit me up
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I just think people forget that really we’re in control of our lives. If we weren’t able to make a choice to stop, recovery wouldn’t be an option. Our sobriety is a gift, not all given. My husband was one of the ones who died before he ever made it to the rooms of recovery. His Rockbottom being death. A man who fought and wanted to stop, but also didn’t, and ended up dying alone inside of a porta potty on his job site, from a fentanyl overdose. My rock bottom was his death. It didn’t have to be though.
I know it’s a fight and I know your mind will torment you as my own mind continues to remind me there’s only 18inch between a halo and a noose. So I get it. Just remember you’re not a bad person trying to get good; you’re a sick person trying to get well. You suffer from the disease of addiction. Also, don’t worry about those who will be critical of you throughout your recovery journey. A critic is just a person who goes onto the battlefield after the battle has been fought and shoots the survivors.
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Glad you are reaching out , @Sliver . Keep doing it. Keep working on being sober. Use all the tools you have at your disposal, including this forum. I’m rooting for you!
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I agree with @Steve14 that there might not actually be a rock bottom for some people. I don’t know what mine would have been, other than death. There were things I did that were far worse than other people’s ‘rock bottom’, but it didn’t stop me. Everything just kept getting gradually worse.
You don’t have to wait for something to happen to make quit. You have to want to quit. And want it bad. After 22 years of drinking, and spending the last 7 wanting to quit but failing over and over, I finally suffered enough. You don’t have to. Stick around. Learn about your options. Do something, anything, different. Do it for yourself. We’re right here with you 
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Stop obsessing over the specifics of your drinking and who notices or how long it may go on and look around it: what are you drinking to escape from? What is it that instead of doing you drink? What about your life is so uncomfortable that you are drinking at it?
The answers will be long and complex and they’ll keep coming for a while.
I suggest journalling, self-help and if you can afford it and really want to change: therapy.
You only need to ask yourself this: do you want to change, yet? For me, when the pain of staying the same truly became greater than the pain of change, I did it, I moved. I was stuck in the same place for a long long time just like you. Change is possible and will happen. Prepare the soil for it, ask yourself the right questions.
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Of course, your story is only your own story. Here though, in the replies, you can see so many other stories that have many similarities to yours.
Lots of good feedback here for you.
I hope you will read them and read them again, and again, and take the words written for you to heart, and decide just for today you are not going to drink.
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For me personally the answer to this question was a matter of self esteem…once everything was stripped back thats what the crux of the matter was…i continued to drink because i felt like nothing, that i didnt matter, i wasnt good enough, i didnt deserve a better life and i had no self worth…eventually i was handed a rock bottom that brought me to my knees…ive done masses of work on my self esteem since then and now that i do genuinely care about myself there is no way id want that life for myself now…why would i? Its hell…i deserve a happy and healthy life. So do you.
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Well, FWIW you’re not alone since everything you’ve described is exactly what I’m going through as well. I realized that if I don’t stop, I’m going to literally die one way or the other. And the reason I didn’t want to stop is because being high from the booze is the only time I really feel good.
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“I always wake up for work and manage to hide it from all the people I know, or at least I think I do”.
Denial is not just a river…make change before you flame out…
Be well
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Thanks for all your words of advice and support 
I thought about them a lot today and I decided to give sobriety a chance. A few months ago I made it 10 days, but I have to go back 5 years since I got a month under my belt - thinking that over kind of put into perspective how the years can add up and I really want to avoid standing still or doing any more damage than I already have.
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This is the best thing I’ve heard today! Happy you’re joining us. 
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Hey Sliver. Just checking in how you’ve been doing the past few weeks.
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