Hey @Soberandstuff how did it go?
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I guess I feel like I need to explain a bit more since this went the way it did. FWIW, I wasn’t always anti-lying. I was a fantastic liar. I lied to everyone, myself included. And then my lies nearly cost me everything I love. In early recovery, I came here with regret about a harmless white lie I had told. Someone with far more sober time than I have said “you invited chaos into your home, now you have to sit with it” and that’s when I decided to stop lying. When I think about the kind of person I want to be, trustworthy is near the top of the list.
People will have different opinions than you in every part of your life. Sometimes other sober people will tell you they don’t agree with your approach or offer you feedback that doesn’t resonate with you, that’s part of being in a community. If something doesn’t work for you, it may be exactly what someone else need to hear who reads this thread in six months.
If lying feels good to you, by all means love every second of it. I can’t join you in that because it’s behavior that is tied directly to my addiction. It’s not about a high horse, its about a higher power and having gone down that road enough that I am actively choosing never to go back.
I’m genuinely hoping the sober evening went well.
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Thank you @Rayman261you have summed that up perfectly for me. 
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Hi everyone, I tried posting sooner, but I guess you’re only allotted a certain number of posts at a time. Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you so much to everyone that wrote to me. I used some of the advice I received and it turned out to really not be a big deal like I had built it up to be in my mind. Classic Me! Dinner was nice and I didn’t lie, per se, I just didn’t divulge all the details. I look up to those of you that have no problem being completely up front and honest in social situations about their history with alcohol and their new way of life, I’m just not quite there yet. This is a totally new concept for me, being a non-drinker, I’m finding it scary to identify myself that way. But as someone pointed out, that is probably partly because I subconsciously don’t want to be judged if i relapse. I will just have to keep working on these parts of myself and becoming more truthful with myself and others. I’m just grateful I found this community. It’s nice to know we are all on the same team and supporting each other on this journey. So I’m going to keep checking in and posting if I’m feeling weak, or have a question, or just need to know someone else is out there fighting the good fight. Thanks again! Hope everyone has a great day! 
(31!)
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Thank you so much for taking the time to respond and share your perspective. Some great advice in there and the bit about leaving myself an out definitely hit a nerve. That video is great, I can so relate to feeling like that 
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Keep on coming back and posting! That limit drops once you hit the Member trust level and you’re well on your way.
Hahaha, that’s great to hear. So glad you came back to check in on how it went; I love everything about this post! Congrats on one month. 
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We have all been there and been more worried about situations than they deserve. It’s always weird trying something new and the more you do it the easier it gets! That doesn’t mean opening up to everyone, but it does get easier to say no with confidence 
Glad to hear you navigated your way through it and hope you ended up having a nice time!
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Definitely! Glad it all worked out for you.
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@Rayman261 @Soberandstuff how are you two doing with the holiday parties? Any new suggestions that have worked for you?
I was at a holiday party with my team this week and learned that my team lead stopped drinking recently (bc he is getting chunky) and I remembered this conversation. Hope all is well!
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Few times I was offered a drink, one of them was on Thanksgiving. I said; I would love to but I can’t. Nobody asked further questions, offered other options. It was the truth. I would have loved to have a glass of wine but because I have a problem and I had the option to say no. The reason is nobodies business. Honesty is the foundation of sobriety in my book and I don’t have to explain myself if I turn down a drink.
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Hey there! Funny you should ask this, I actually just attended my first holiday function and really my first event where most people are drinking yesterday. It was my work party. Before we even left the office for the venue, someone had a bunch of nips and offered to each of us to do a celebratory shot. I just said oh no thank you. The girl immediately said oh are you sick? I just blurted out no I’m just not drinking right now. Don’t know why I said 'right now" but it just felt easier than ‘anymore’. Then at the party, people were asking what I was drinking and seemed disappointed or something when I said seltzer with lime. But I felt great, like I could really enjoy myself and talk to people without embarrassing myself and left at a reasonable time so I could still get things done I needed to. Some people asked why I wasn’t drinking and I said I just have a lot going on in my life and really need to stay sharp and focused. Which everyone knows is true, I’m in nursing school so that requires a lot of discipline and brain power. This positive experience gave me a little confidence that I can get through my other upcoming functions sober too. Thanks for checking in! 93 days today 
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Early on I said I was doing a sober challenge. I feel like that was a nice half truth. People accept 90 day health challenges, cleanses etc. If pressed you can say anything like “it makes me lack energy”, “my stomach can’t take it lately”, “I don’t need the calories”…
After 90 days when you keep doing it then you are simply not drinking because you prefer that lifestyle
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Chiming in with my experience of my first sober Christmas party, first time out with colleagues sober. The fact that I don’t drink any more came up with a couple of people when they asked me what I wanted to drink (water) or how I was getting home (driving).
Reactions were wow, good for you. I was asked why, but not in a rude way - I get that people are curious because it is unusual to be teetotal and they have seen me maxing it in the past. I just said I had a really tragic night out drinking, that I’d had more of them than I wanted and I decided to give it a break. And it’s been working for me so I’m keeping it going. That was it. It wasn’t a hot topic of conversation all night (why would it be?!) and most people either didn’t notice or didn’t say anything.
I talked to people whose company I enjoy, no embarrassing conversations with my boss and certainly nothing I can’t remember! Actually had a really nice chat with my boss and he said some things which were really lovely to hear. Was able to give another colleague a lift home who is on crutches after spraining her ankle, so she didn’t have to navigate public transport home or shell out for a taxi. Spent a grand total of £1.80 on drinks and woke up fresh this morning. Brilliant!
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I went to a sincerely simple wedding, where champagne was handed out and I said, no thank you I don’t drink… I was surprised 1st at myself for not accepting the drink it looked so delicious, 2nd for saying that I don’t drink and 3rd no hassle from anyone !!! Not even from the bride who wanted to have margaritas afterwards… wow and kudos made 20days … whew!!!
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Just wanted to bump this post, having seen a few people on other threads go to Xmas parties and have a drink with a bit of context for me going to my work Xmas do.
I’m over 7 months alcohol free. I didn’t go to a party where drink would be around for the first couple of months because I wasn’t sure if I could make it. When I did go to a party, I went with a plan. I would strongly recommend anyone who is on the fence about whether or not they could resist a drink to just not go. Seriously, the world will keep turning if you don’t!
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I have 9 months this week, and I will not got to a Christmas party this year. There may be drinking at a Christmas dinner, but they know I dont drink now. The drinking is confined to a glass of wine per person. That I know I can deal with. The “fun” I will be missing out on isnt worth my sobriety.
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Accepting our own limits and living within them… Everyone is different and we have to set our own benchmarks for what will work for us.
Important for all areas of life, not just in relation to our sobriety!
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Just Say, “No thank you” We all have to learn to say these words without explaining ourselves.
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This is my favourite suggestion.
NO is a complete sentence😉
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