Welcome, Sara, I’m glad you found us. I can relate sooo much to your story, I also blamed my mental health (anxiety more than depression, but they both play a huge role) and avoided looking at how alcohol was one of the roots of my problems, that I was masking and numbing and avoiding dealing with everything through the alcohol use disorder that I was diagnosed with. I haven’t been hospitalized but I did go to the hospital in crisis once and that was one of my wake up calls. I also worked in a health care setting helping people connect to recovery services and peer support. Burned out feeling serious imposter feelings and hypocrisy even though I only realized what I was feeling and why I burned out after the fact and proceeded to continue to numb and avoid through alcohol use for years. It’s a bizarre situation to be in, twisting those stories I told myself and continuing to spiral downward, kind of like the frog in the pot that slowly boils…it feels okay until it doesn’t.
So happy to hear that you’ve had your own realization and made it past those first few super challenging days and that you’re seeing things clearly now. This is just the beginning with opportunities for so much more! Try all the things, AA, online meetings, in person meetings, quit lit (I loved Quit Like a Woman and This Naked Mind), recovery focused memoirs, podcasts, meditation, and stick around here! Read around, join in when it feels right, and you’ll build some connection and supportive relationships here. This community has been the single most important thing for my own journey.
I’m glad you’re here! Here are some great threads to start reading through:
Advice for the Newcomer and Constant Relapser