Day 21 AF. Feeling very down today. Too many complications in my life. Wish I could just go away somewhere and leave it all behind, but I can’t.
I don’t miss alcohol and the meda my doc prescribed have been very effective against the cravings. I passed a wine shop today and didn’t feel the urge. My other mental issues (BPD and CPTSD) are almost unmanageable, now that the alcohol is gone. I am at the very edge.
Do you dilute your cold brew when it’s done brewing? I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to (I always have to at work)
I wonder what would happen if i drank light roast cold brew undiluted 
probably run all day and clean the whole house, before crashing super hard. Haha
To be fair i do drink roughly 20 espresso shots a shift…so not sure the comparison. I just feel like cold brew does something espresso doesn’t 
Yep, I’ve been there a time or two. It feels awful. I’m so sorry you’re having a rough time 
Sending you hugs and positive energy
I’m feeling down myself and on my way to work, where I have to keep it together. Most my co-workers know I’m “moody” so they know when to leave me alone. What helps me is walks in nature, breathing exercises and last resort I have a big metal pole weighing 45lbs at home and I just bang it on the ground unroll I can’t no more. Not sure if that’s even healthy…
I feel your pain. I’m sitting here trying to work (at home thankfully) and can’t keep my shit together. Anxiety and depression are out of control so I keep breaking down. I used alcohol to numb all of that. I think I’ll go for a walk as soon as it stops raining. Hang in there! We can do hard things.
That is 100% healthy. You’re part of a strong club of people who work it out physically actually - Eric @Dazercat for example did a lot of power walks in his early days, listening to angry music (Tell Us Something You Did To Stay SOBER Today! - #40 by Dazercat); @Yoda-Stevie started martial arts training and now he’s a black belt and teaches his own classes (How do you cope? - #16 by Yoda-Stevie); there’s all kinds of other people here who’ve taken that raw energy they discover when they’re getting healthy (sober & clear), and they channel it into building something.
Energy is powerful. Energy is what you discover when you get clear - when you stop poisoning and numbing yourself with your addiction. Energy can be scary and at first it feels overwhelming (sort of like a wild horse), but it can be tamed and harnessed (also like a horse), and when you do that you can use that power to get where you want to go.
You matter and you are 100% capable of this. Don’t give up; use this time to dig deep, look yourself in the mirror, and say, “Today I’m not giving in. I’m not worrying about tomorrow, I’m not stuck on the past; I’m living today, and today I’m going to focus on getting what I need and doing what I need to do, to be the person I want to be.”
You can do this Katy 
Checking in on day 129 AF
The weekend was smooth. Spent a lot of time with family. Did some cleaning yesterday but didn’t get nearly as much done as I had hoped. Spent some time last night kinda beating myself up over it. I read in a post by @ReeBee28 about doing one chore a day in the home. That’s an idea that would totally work for me! So I’m going to start that today.
Today is the 19th anniversary of my father’s suicide. I typically struggle around this time of year, but not necessarily on this exact day. Friday was definitely a shit day struggle-wise, but after a calm weekend I feel very much at peace today. I’m just trying to stay proactive instead of waiting for the darkness to grab hold of me.
My daughter is home for a few days and I am SO enjoying her! I have to go back to a very rigid routine when she’s with me, but I don’t get overwhelmed because I know it’s only for a few days. Sometimes I’m shocked that I was able to somehow manage that for 31 years! @Butterflymoonwoman I’m SO glad you only had to endure 1 night without a caretaker! I can only imagine how difficult that is, but I’m happy for you that it didn’t end up being more days.
I’m hoping and praying for everyone struggling to stay sober just for today. You CAN do this!!! 
@Ktorres @KarenKW @nerd It’s good to see, how you support each other! 
From my own experiences, it’s seems to be the best, to find something to break the thinking and feeling cycle like go for a walk, go to a meeting, watch short vids on YouTube, call someone… As soon as you break out, the intensity of the thinkig either diminished or is completely gone.
Day 8 
had a using dream last nite hate them tbh
So managed to drop my morphine down to 30 mg a day had my nefopam increased to 30 mg a day as the pain is still bad had a ct the other week and the cyst on my pancreas has shrunk even more which is good news in a way
My amylase was at 500 more than my last bloods so feeling like crap 
Disney day today watching home alone 2 still funny as hell
Have a good sober Monday people
Oh, I heard many times, that every disorder which affects the pancreas is extremely painful. So I wish you all the best!
It was a horrible day 
No cooking today, I’ll order some chinese goodies and have a nice relaxing evening.
God, sometimes I hate people 
I dont actually. I use my cold brew container and just lift the grind container out. And its left with whatever coffee it made. I do add creamer to it tho lol am i supposed to dilute it? I never have haha
Day 688
Emotional day, little bit triggered by movie. Therapy is hitting the core, which literally makes some chakra’s pop-open. Started crying, for a short while uncontrolled then I just let it go when it needed. Glad I could do it again. Things seems to start flowing again. Although the tears are mostly linked to the feeling of what I missed out due my addiction and emotional neglect. Feel like I’m soften and more and more let go of tensions.
Found back my bracelet I was given by my son 5-6 years ago or even longer. Couldn’t find it for a few weeks. Somehow that needed to be, to make me realize I need to walk beside him and not force myself on him. The past is the past, I’m there for him unconditionally and I’m there for him now and he knows…
Sending you some love and healing hugs 
@Bomdhil i am super happy to hear you’re still on the path. Congrats!! This is awesome. I’m sorry I didn’t respond sooner, I have not been on this app in a couple days. I am only day 52 myself now but I can tell you, at least for me, it gets easier as you get stronger everyday. Every temptation you overcome makes you a little stronger. I am proud of you. Keep it up!!!
Day 52, still here. Everyday has gotten easier. I wouldn’t be here without you all or this place. Truly. Thank you all and God bless.
Haha nevermind. I brew mine for 20 hours. 12 hours is fine without dilution but 20 hour brew has to be. Hmm. Now I’m gonna look into why mine says to dilute and yours doesn’t ( I’m a coffee nerd 
)
Please let me know! I mever tried a 20 hour coffee brew 
Im tempted now haha
I hope the rest of the day turns around for you.
Sending you love and healing hugs
I know we hear it all the time ‘one day at a time’
And ‘just for today’ it took a while for it to click in my mind how that works but now i use it for lots of stuff daily in my life, especially my mental health i tell my self its ‘just for today’ and it helps to look at just the day in front of me.
No I didn’t drink, but the day was still horrible.
Now I’m home, time for me, to eat and relax.